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Female, 35 years old
. . . , Nevada, Western US

  Offline - Last On: 934days 3 hours ago

23 Buddies
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12,779 Posts | Member Since: 4/11/2005
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Interests: Music / Writing / Animals / Books / Movies
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Birthday:7/2/1985 (35 Years Old)
IM Type: (Decline to State) IM Name:
Occupation: ..
Marital Status: Dating
Sexual Preference: Straight
Religion: Christian
Politics: (Decline to State)
Fav. Movie: The Princess Bride
Fav. TV Show: ..
Fav. Book: Alice`s Adventures in Wonderland
Fav. Song: Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie
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Thanks to this earthquake - Mood:Good
Friday February 22 20084:00:39 AM |
I can't think of a better time or excuse to strap on my backpack and take a little trip. It pretty much demolished everything . . .

My place had more damage than anyone else I've seen or talked to, except for the old buildings downtown which were already condemned.
It was pretty creepy actually. Joe and I were talking about how boring and mundane life had become and decided this morning to pack up and go. Once we got home I looked around at all the stuff I'd collected and made a home with and sighed, "But what about all this . . . " ? Then all of a sudden the walls started swaying like water and if Joe hadn't pulled me onto the bed right when he did I'd have two broken legs.

I was so scared I couldn't open my eyes and it wasn't until it was all over that I realized it had been an earthquake. The car was crushed under the awning outside and a phone booth.

My kitchen counter, stove and sink were pulled out from the wall.

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Scared of clowns? This won`t help. - Mood:Good
Sunday January 06 20084:51:16 AM |
Ha ha. I just found this and can't believe I've never seen it before.

To be honest, I just don't understand this irrational fear of clowns. It has become an epidemic, I think.
Sometimes when I'm bored I go to and read those lists of phobias that real people really have and laugh until my sides hurt.

What are you afraid of?

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And on the sixth day - Mood:Good
Sunday January 06 20082:25:11 AM |
I slept fourteen hours and didn't drink.

Tomorrow I'll go to church at 9 am and go home at eleven. Hang my pictures, do my dishes, scrub the bathroom, fix the broken dresser drawer and spend a couple hours at the laundromat.

Then go home again and hopefully eat until I pass out which will make for seven days of sobriety.
It's the eighth day I worry about. I'm sure I'll make it and go on to worry about the ninth.

He was right. We're going in separate directions. My therapist asked me what I dreamt of being when I was a kid and I didn't have an answer. Still don't. Doesn't mean I won't be anything. I want a little house by a pond or river or lake where I can go spend an afternoon.

I want to paint everything I see and then some.
I want to spend the evenings cooking dinner and not ordering take-out.
And I want a puppy. Fresh flowers everyday.
Six days now, but I'll get there.

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Dear Joe (Yt, I`m sorry, bear with me) - Mood:Good
Saturday December 22 20074:08:48 AM |
There’s so much to say, so much I’d love to say, and yet none of it means anything without seeing you. I suppose that’s only because, as you’ve said, my words are cold . . . Like my heart. I never meant to be cold. I suppose that after a time everybody turns bitter. I’ve written you what seems like a thousand letters and can’t seem to do anything with them. Most likely because I am ashamed. A part of me wants to remind you that nothing I’ve done is worse than what you have done. We’re even, right? However, the part of me that isn’t currently busy hating the world is dying over the way I’ve treated you.
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I guess I can`t take a joke. - Mood:Good
Thursday December 20 20075:42:19 AM |
Tonight I was hanging out with some friends, getting high and telling bar jokes. I know my humor can be pretty offensive sometimes, but it was nothing compared to their's.
They started telling jokes about little kids and whatnot and before I knew there was a steady stream of tears running down my cheeks.
They both felt like assh*les after that, but not as much as me. I didn't have to take it to heart. Just couldn't help it.

J.D. and I went out to dinner tonight. I was pretty surprised that he asked me. He never has money and only works like two days a week for a couple of hours.
He bought the food and I paid for the wine.

Tomorrow I am going to steal a dog from a guy downtown. My friend just gave her to him and he doesn't take care of her at all.
She also has two baby snakes that I'll be taking as she can't seem to get them to eat.

P.s. there are never enough snow men in the world.

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Don`t you just love old people. . . . not really, no. - Mood:Good
Friday October 19 20076:53:43 PM |
I see more senior citizens here than anything. Usually they're fine, but there's always the bad apple.

I just finished checking in a guest who more than gladly let me know of his diarrhea and irritable bowel.
The other day was an old lady who peed herself (that actually happens pretty regularly).
And some time ago was a dude on an oxygen tank who offered to drink every last drop of my 'love juice'.

Yay, more are coming in now.

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R.I.P. Cabbage. - Mood:Good
Wednesday October 10 20072:08:26 AM |
I came to work awhile ago to find a beautiful (but starving) black cat hanging around the office. I had Joe take her home, but not before we split my roast beef sandwich.
I was trying to come up with names for her (takes me days though) when I jokingly said Tomato, because she really seems to like tomatos. But, no, I couldn't anyway because Joe's brother has a black cat named Cabbage.
When we called to ask if they could take Joe and the fur ball back to my place they informed us that they had just finished putting Cabbage in the ground as he was hit by a car this evening.
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New work (pics) - Mood:Good
Monday October 08 200712:41:37 AM |
Not all of this is finished and the lighting is pretty bad (makes them all sparkley) Sorry. I've just been working so much that I never find the time to actually complete anything.

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Before I do it, let`s discuss it. - Mood:Good
Friday October 05 20074:43:58 AM |
I want to get my lip pierced. A labret. I think it would look really good on me as do other people I've asked.

BUT, what about kissing? You think it would get in the way? I already have to take the stud in my nose out when I am intimate or it ends up getting torn out or caught on the sheets. . .

Will it rub my teeth?

These are the things I have to consider first.

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I love my shower - Mood:Good
Friday October 05 20072:22:21 AM |
My mom brought up today in the car how when I was younger I would shower three times a day and soak in the tub for hours. Not much has changed, but I don't really have the time to bathe that much.

Joe showers with me most of the time, but I think it's only because he likes to watch me wash my back. I can pop my left shoulder out so I can reach every tiny little section of skin. I always hated the feeling of leaving that one spot between my shoulder blades unwashed.

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Wow, bad omen. I`m scared. - Mood:Good
Friday September 14 20076:10:39 AM |
Just a bug. I like bugs. In fact, I was researching butterflies on Wikipedia and trying to discern from facts what helped create legends in Native American mythology. I do this with most insects and animals alike, sort of a hobby. . .

Then came a scratching sound, quiet at first then loud and frantic, coming from the computer tower at my feet. I thought maybe at first that it was a small rodent somewhere trapped inside the casing, but how could that happen? Logically.

Then, perhaps it was water and I would be electrocuted. Again.
I started tapping on it, thinking maybe something got lodged in there, then tilting it and looking underneath. I finally gave up and went back to my theory that the Navajo Mothway legend was a result of Wolbachia (very interesting) when movement caught my eye.

Right by my foot! Two inches long! No idea what it was. I think I caught one when I was a kid, but it was small. I didn't just squish it, I f*cking mutilated it. Still have the top half.

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"I just erase you,". . . - Mood:Good
Friday September 14 20072:09:32 AM |
The owner of the motel I work at is from India and a real kick in the head. He's got a gold ring on every finger and something to say about everything.
Tonight he was giving me a lesson on men. . . I guess because of the recent sexual harassment issue we had at work.
I don't really know which direction he was going in or what I was supposed to learn from it, but he says, "I am small man, but think not I am very small. Big guy slap me I say,'I just hire someone to kill you.' Maniacal laughter following. . .

He's pretty cool though, I like him. He's roostery, but sincere too. Sometimes he wiggles his fingers in front of people and laughing says,"I am rich man, I don't have to worry about that. I say I want it done, it's done,' and snaps his fingers.

He's so worried about me being here alone all night that when he's here he double locks the doors behind him as he goes and is now putting up cameras all over the property; break room, front room, lobby.

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Gay God? What has she gotten into. . . - Mood:Cautious
Thursday September 06 20074:59:34 AM |
Dear Lord! My niece is only thirteen (barely) and she's really scaring me. She spends all day online (myspace) and has all sorts of emo friends and half naked pics.

When I first moved back I was surprised and happily so that we had so much in common and how mature she seemed, but I didn't realize then . . .

Somebody's got to do something, man. She shouldn't be looking at, let alone flaunting, half naked photos of herself or anybody!
She won't listen to me. It will be just like all the others, "I thought you were the cool aunt."
Blah, blah, blah.

The last time I tried to say something to a younger friend they wouldn't listen because of, "what you do all the time."
I try to explain that my art is different and I never even used a nude model until I was seventeen.

And who the hell is this Gay God anyway? He's in his underwear in every damned photo! With girls and guys. What's he want with my niece?!

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His head was turned inside out? - Mood:Good
Monday September 03 20074:48:11 AM |
Somebody explain that. . .

There was a man filling up at the gas station across the street from where I work and had a heart attack at the pump. He fell backward and a freight liner ran over his head.
I heard from the policeman that was first on the scene that the man's head had been turned inside out. Hmmm.

The poor wife sat there by her dead husband for nearly fifteen minutes before anybody even realized what had happened. I'm sure she must have screamed or something!

Also, the naked corpse of a middle-aged woman was found on the old highway just a few miles from here. They think it may be a serial killer as other bodies of women in the same age bracket have been found in similiar condition within the past two years.

Reminds of me of what befell my sister's boyfriend years ago. He was taken into the desert and shot in the back of the head.

We had one other murder here in 'my' time. The victim was a young woman injected with some drug she was highly allergic to

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Worst pain ever - Mood:Good
Friday July 13 20072:57:23 AM |
I've done this a couple times before, but I see alot of new people here and that only means new stories. I'm on graveyard now, so gross me out and keep me awake, tell me the worst pain you've ever experienced. . . or like I said, just gross me out.

I'll start.

I was about twelve years old and being a little sh*t was jumping on the bed. I was near the foot of it where my sister's antique dresser stood with those large ornate handles. When I heard my mom coming I lept off the end, but on the way down my baby toe on my right foot slipped inside the handle of the bottom drawer which was about a foot and a half from the floor. It wrenched the toe all the way up the side of my foot and snapped it.
I've only screamed like that one other time and that was last winter when I got frost bite and woke up to my father running luke warm water up my rock solid legs. I still cant feel my toes. Except one. That drives me crazy.

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New painting (pics) - Mood:Good
Saturday February 04 20066:09:45 AM |
I just finished this. YT got kind of boring there for awhile. Looks like it's still a little slow. I have nothing better to do, damnit!

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So, I cashed the check and discovered the perfect way to shop. (pics) - Mood:Good
Monday January 23 20063:35:20 AM |
My pops sent me a check for christmas and I wasn't going to cash it, and for good reasons too, but finally caved in to primal urges and did.

Usually, I hate shopping. I hate having to dress and undress, then dress and undress again. It's tedious and aggravating. Not to mention all the people and noise and chaos, screaming children, smelly old women and gangster wannabe thirteen year olds giving pitiful wolf whistles to every female that passes.

So, I turned to the only friend I've known for an entire year. . . my computer.

This is what I bought.

5X3 ft poster.

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Red am I. Among other things. - Mood:Good
Friday January 20 200612:39:01 AM |
Yup, I've gone back to red hair for awhile. I think I'm going to stick to the brunette and red from now on. I've found those are my two favorites and look best on me.

I wore my hair black for years, but I'm so pale it was just too much of a contrast. Made me look gothic.

With the brown.

With the red.

I tried to turn the lamp on it, didn't work so well.

And behind me you'll see the mess. Yup, still packing. I'm exhausted though, it's going to take another week I'm sure. Not to mention cleaning the apartment before I go.

Gah, so many things are going on around me and I know I haven't been paying enough attention, but this is all so much more difficult than I imagined. Divorce is something I don't ever plan on venturing into again.
Let this be a lesson to all the kiddies.

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Grunt, moan. Feeling good. And tipsy pics to prove it. - Mood:Good
Friday January 06 20062:05:01 AM |
Finally got my webcam working after that damned cat tore all the cords to sh*t. At last, he is gone.

Just got back from. . . you guessed it, the bar. And I played like crap tonight. Couldn't make a shot if my life depended on it. I won two games and then that was it. All she wrote.

I've two beers in the fridge, but not sure if I want to crack one open. I'm not much of a beer drinker, I much prefer my whiskey. But, f*ck it. . . alcohol is alcohol.

I sent everybody's christmas presents today. I know, I'm a procrastinater, but everybody knows this and don't really have high expectations so it's not like I'm really letting anybody down.

And although I ate only two hours ago, I'm thinking of making a shrimp salad.

And my Jim Morrison tshirt, just for the hell of it. You love it.

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A new obsession for the new year. . . - Mood:Good
Monday January 02 20061:46:39 AM |
I've found a new love that just may equal that of doors. Shocking! Yes.

Jack in the boxes.

A tip, never walk two miles in heels after a long night of drinking.

So, I wore that dress last night for the hell of it, even though I didn't go to the New Year's bash at the bar due to the untimely sniffles.
Much better today though.

Would be better if this damned cat were clawing the sh*t out of me right now. He totally creeped me out tonight too. I went in my room and shut the door thinking he was hiding somewhere in the livingroom and then just as I plop on the bed and start my horror flick of the evening I see some lurking creature in the closet.
He was slinking down from the highest shelf and all in stealth. Creepy little bastard.

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Greatest pain, give me goosebumps. - Mood:Good
Tuesday December 27 200510:19:50 PM |
Tell me all about the greatest physical pain you've ever felt. What happened? How did it happen?

I'm going to be honest with you, I think the worst pain I've ever felt is my chronic back pain, but that's not very interesting.
It may the time I was run over by a Cadillac. Or it could be the time I jumped off the end of my bed near to my sister's dresser and my baby toe slipped in the ornate handle on the way down, wrenching the toe and ultimately snapping it.

Although once I was bitten by a spider while I slept and in the morner when I tried to swing my legs out of bed a horrible, piercing pain shot up from my ankle to my hip. But, it only lasted a few minutes and then it went dead.

So, tell me. What's the worst pain you've ever felt?

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Pics of my new painting. - Mood:Good
Sunday December 25 200512:45:34 AM |
This ended up being completely different than what I thought it would be. It's not very good, but interesting. I wonder what the hell I was thinking of when I did this.

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Sibling sadism - Mood:Good
Monday December 19 20053:16:04 AM |
I'm reminiscent tonight. Remembering all of the horrible things my siblings and I did to eachother.
I have five sisters, by the way, and one (or two, depending on how you look at it) brother. I'm the youngest. Oh, the torture. . . electric fence, encyclopedia, red ants, bumblebees, fishing pole, laxative , chili powder, stinging nettle, poison oak, hay loft, pig trough, horse sh*t, banana bikes and everything else.

Encyclopedia: I'm eleven. I walk into the livingroom and the t.v. is on, but nobody's there. I sit and wait and still nobody comes. So I pick up the remote and as if on cue my sister walks in, grabs it from me and hits me on the head with it. So, naturally, I push her. She turns and grabs my father's fishing pole from the corner and begins wipping me with it. I'm cowering down on the floor against the couch and she just keeps whipping at me, fishing line flung all over the place and that taunting little hook flashing in the light. . . cont

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There`s just enough left in me to know that I`ll be deleting soon. - Mood:Good
Wednesday December 14 20052:56:04 AM |
YT, i can't remember. Secrets, alls orts of things. Where'd they go?

No buddies online, but you'll do. I know there are things burried. Things I've tried to forget. I want to remember, but I can't concentrate. I'm frickin pissed.
Girl at the bar puwh3e my buttons. Never wanted to shove a pool cue up somebody's ass more than I do now.
OMG, you're name is MaryJane? frick off. Dumb waste of fricking breath.
Somebody smashed the windows of three vehicles tonight. Messed up man. That's nog ood.
And little china man kept moving the balls on the table tonight. usually, he's cute, but for some reason i'd like to kick him in the shin tonight.

five damned years of anger management have done nothing, apparently. Mental imagery of beating the poo out of somebody is all that's keeping me awake nwo.

Help me remember, YT. "Secrets?" Yeah, I've got em, bt can't remember. I want to remember. Forbive me nwo. I'll delete I'm sure.

Be sober, Mary. BE sober. Grrrrrrr.

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Today, I learned some very morbid, but interesting facts. - Mood:Good
Tuesday December 13 20053:20:55 AM |
In the first hour of waking.
I learned where to stab a man to make him catatonic for the rest of his life. Also where to stab a man to render him impotent for the rest of his life.

I learned the difficulty of drowning oneself, I won't explain that, and that panic can not only cost you your life or somebody else's, but that it can also save you.

So, I did some more work on that painting, but I can't finish until tomorrow. Added the eye to the sun and chain around the tree, but I can't take a picture because I can't figure out this stupid webcam.
Maybe tomorrow.

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