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Male, 27 years old
Arizona, Western US

  Offline - Last On: 1930days 10 hours ago

86 Buddies
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10,022 Posts | Member Since: 6/19/2011
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Email: nachosellerp
Interests: Video Games / History / Movies / Photography
Homepage: (None)
Birthday:10/26/1994 (27 Years Old)
IM Type: (Decline to State) IM Name:
Occupation: That one guy, you know, with the glasses
Marital Status: Single
Sexual Preference: Straight
Religion: Atheist
Politics: (Decline to State)
Fav. Movie: Shawn of the dead
Fav. TV Show: Party down
Fav. Book: Anthem- Ayn Rand
Fav. Song: Bliss - Muse
Fav. Food: Burgers
Fav. Car:
Theme 'K' created by nachosellerp
Active Journal Entries | Archived Journal Entries

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Hey guys. Im leaving YT 4eva. - Mood:Good
Saturday September 07 201311:59:46 PM |
Bye Bye.
There are 52 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

This is post # 10,000. I am dedicating it to some people - Mood:Good
Saturday August 17 20138:22:18 PM |
My homeboy jesus christ. My other homeboy Vanilla Ice. My pimp, White Boy joe-hizzle the jizzle bro. A certain YTer for never complaining when i bitch to her, and also for helping me to quit drinking. Some specific bands for making AMAZING music. That guy who said "who are you?" once on the street into his phone and not to me. Eli Whitney for the cotton gin. The guy who crashed his car and got his chocolate in the other guys peanut butter. and the other guy for having an open peanut butter jar while driving.

I've been taking my medication regularly for a month or so. SO NOW if i forget to take it, even 3 hours late, it takes one thought to get really really sad! fun!

I saw a russian winnie the pooh episode. poohs a DICK.

If you couldn't tell from the above paragraph, im sad! really, really sad. I wanna bury my head under my blanket and cry for a while.

hi yt. how're you guys?

There are 48 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I`ve been crying all day. I talked to people and still feel incredibly lonely. - Mood:Good
Sunday August 11 20138:46:57 PM |
It's like high school all over again. Even though i'm still in high school.
It's terrible. My eyes hurt and my blanket is wet. from tears.
I feel so...alone.
and out of place. it feels like i dont belong anywhere. Not at home. not at school. not on the internet. my room, the one place im supposed to feel safe in is becoming...something else...i dont know what to do or where to go and im tired of always bitching to the one friend i have. if i keep it up i think they'll join all other friends i've had and, you know, drop me as a friend.

You know who you guys should give a listen to? The Anatomy of Frank. They're amazing.

Hi yt. how're you?

There are 20 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I started school on Thursday. I have a feeling that I`ll like it there. - Mood:Good
Sunday August 04 20131:30:08 AM |
Main reason I hated the school I went to? Too many people. Way too many people. I think the count was around 1600-1700 kids.
Awful for me, as I can't handle a room of about 20 people. I start panicking.

New school? 30 or so people. TOTAL. And 3 teachers.
Three separate campuses in the schools network, and the one I'm going to is for seniors (people with 16 credits or more)
AND it's only four hours long.
830 to 1230.
Perfect for a lazy person like me!

Still looking for a job. Still sucks.

Feeling...lonely...that's the only word I can think to describe it. Just really...lonely. I don't like this. I don't. I don't wanna be me right now. And I don't know how to deal with it.

How are you guys?
Anything interesting happening to y'all?

There are 2 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Wanna see a stomach vagina? (The "im dumb and cut myself with a knife" journal) - Mood:Good
Tuesday July 30 201312:04:45 AM |
Walking the dogs with my mom and brother. my mom took one dog and my brother had the other (she took him midwalk) so i took out my batman knife and was punching the air and then BLAM

i cut myself on the stomach. Didn't hurt. everyone says i need stitches. i say NAY.

it hurts. my mom cried. im okay though.
i now have hot chocolate.

I love it. it's like the first album and the second Album had a baby and it's beautiful.

Im not batman material.
or even pink-batman.
how're you guys?
(pics coming soon)

There are 75 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I start school on Thursday. And tomorrow I am calling to see about a job. - Mood:Good
Sunday July 28 20139:40:12 PM |
My dads friend has a relative who owns a lot of the McDonald's franchises out here. Apparently he lined me up with a job at one. Or at least an interview. I'll find out tomorrow.

I start school Thursday. I have more than enough credits to graduate from the new school, but I still need certain credits that are required. I'll be done by December though. Yay!

I feel like an adult more and more. On Friday I filled out paperwork for the school BY MYSELF and then had lunch BY MYSELF at a jimmy johns (which was gross).

I feel strange. I've been feeling strange for a few days now. Something is can't place what. It's worrying.

I bought the coolest knife last night. And also saw two girls I went to school with are now pregnant. One of them had a mullet.

Hi yt. How're you guys doing?

There are 49 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I`m nervous as all hell - Mood:Good
Wednesday July 24 20136:55:29 PM |
I've spent all summer sitting around doing jack sh*t.
If you count when I stopped doing work in school, I've been doing jacksh*t since the beginning of April.
Tomorrow I have to go to orientation and hopefully they accept me into this new school.

I'm nervous. And scared.
I'm starting a new school.

I have to wake up at 6 am tomorrow.
I'm to accustomed to wakng up at 9 or 10.

What's worse is that I can't wear a hat to this new school.

Job search still sucks.
I'm still fat (but I'm working on it).
Still depressed.
Life is pretty okay.
How're you?

There are 17 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Today has been F*CKING weird man - Mood:Good
Saturday July 20 201311:57:19 PM |
I was out.
out of my room, of course. I've been in the living room all day. Haven't been back to my room once.
I'm proud. I've left my safe zone. Maybe tomorrow I'll go outside by myself for a little while.

I saw my therapist for the first time in months yesterday. It went pretty okay. Then I went with my dad to take pictures for a radio station charity auction at a baseball game. Then we watched the game for a while.

I registered for a charter school. Orientation is next week and hopefully (most likely) I'll get in and have my f*cking diploma by December. Then I can get my haircut!

Job search sucks.
Life sucks.
I cut myself while sharpening my knife.
I'm fat.
But dammit I'm gonna be optimistic. Or try to be.
Howdy y'all!
What's new with you folks?

There are 7 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I drating hate myself. - Mood:Good
Saturday July 06 20134:43:00 PM |
I was walking along in some mall. walked by a planter thing and decided to look at it closer. saw a baby spider no bigger than the tip of a pencil. my reaction?
Wake up crying and unable to breath from freaking the drat out. over a baby spider. IN A dratING DREAM.
what am i supposed to do if i have kids and they see a spider and are asking me to kill it? what if im on a date and see a spider and freak out and cry in front of whatever lucky girl agrees to go out with me?

i wish i wasn't such a drating pussy. I wish i wasn't an obese fat drat who gets depressed for no drating reason.
i wish i had a job
i wish i had more than 1 friend.
i wish i wasn't so drating lonely all the damn time.
i wish i had the courage to express myself the way i want to instead of holding back 98% of what i feel and think.

hi yt.
i drating hate myself.
how're you?

There are 15 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I feel myself going downhill again - Mood:Good
Sunday June 30 20139:48:00 PM |
Things feel bleak. and hollow. and i want to sleep all day.
and im not sure what to say here. I just wanted to get my thoughts down i suppose.

I feel depressed. Thats basically what i want to say.
i might not post this. might delete it.

it's taken two hours to write this.i stared at the cieling for long pauses of time.

hi yt. i wanna just...meh.

There are 43 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I cant do it. - Mood:Good
Saturday June 29 20138:13:19 PM |
They want to go see World War Z tonight.
I may have caved on many, many, many things, but I absolutely refuse to watch that movie ever.
I will not view that piece of sh*t.

have any of you seen it yet?
any of you read the book?
any of you read the book and see it?
am i being stupid about this?

There are 27 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I need your help/advice, YT. Because I don`t know who else to ask or talk to about this. - Mood:Good
Saturday June 29 20134:18:22 AM |
After a few days of sitting alone and thinking, I realized what I want to do for a career.
I want to do Hotel Management. But at fancy upscale hotels and stuff.

And I'm asking for help because...I'm at a complete loss for where I should start. Clearly my first move is to earn my actual high school degree. So that takes up the next few months through at least October. I also feel I should get a job. Preferably at a hotel of sorts, but I'll take anything right now.

And then I draw a blank. What do I do after that? I know there's schools and specialized areas of study for Hotel/hospitality management. Do I look into doing that? If I did do that, is it like regular college where I'd need to do 4 years?

I'm happy. Because I know what I want to do.
But I'm f*cking scared. I'm lost, and there's no one to hold my hand or show me the way anymore.

I'm hoping you guys can help a little.
Hi yt.

There are 12 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I`ve been awake for 32 hours straight. And I want to show you all my new hairstyle and get your opinions - Mood:Good
Tuesday June 18 20137:02:04 PM |
Because I only trust Internet strangers opinions.
I'll post the picture right now. Need to go all the way to my room to get my phone.

In the meantime: once I post it I will be going to sleep. Passing out on a toilet is not fun.

I started the first of the last 3 online classes I need.


There are 19 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

So. This is weird. I`ve had these feelings before but not like this - Mood:Good
Monday June 17 201312:15:30 AM |
Im only now realizing (because it's Sunday) that I don't have to get up before 7 am tomorrow. I've felt like this before because of summer breaks during school but it's going to continue indefinitely.
I literally don't have anything to do tomorrow.
And I feel empty.
School is the consistency of our lives for 12 years and then we're suddenly thrust into the world head first.
I understand why kids my age assume college is the next step. It's all we've known.


Still applying for jobs.
Still nothing.
Still feel like a financial burden.
Still feel like a child.
Still feel like I'm a disapointment to, well, everyone.
No longer feel like going to the kitchen and downing all the alcohol in there.
So that's good, right?

Hello yt.
How're you guys?

There are 6 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

So some things happened. and some stuff. - Mood:Good
Sunday June 16 201312:48:26 AM |
I am physically done with the act of going to school. I JUST NEED TO FINISH 3 ONLINE CLASSES AND IM DONE WITH SCHOOL.

I keep applying to jobs and not hearing anything. BUT I THINK I MIGHT KNOW WHAT I MAYBE WANT TO DO AS A CAREER. Maybe.
Hotel Manager. At a fancy hotel.

I threw up today. The dread and feeling before is hell. But that after feeling? PURE HEAVEN.

Im being paid to be a photographer at a baby shower next weekend. Yay!!! Go money!!!

Do any of you live in Seattle or Portland (Oregon)? or have been in either for a few months to more than a year? if so, Gow are they? Im thinking of one of those as a future place to live. Maybe. it's definitely a few years down the line if ever.

hey guys.
how was your day?

There are 19 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

So I felt like not giving up today! Just a little glimmer of hope! - Mood:Depressed
Wednesday June 12 20137:46:06 PM |
And then it all came crashing down!
A lady in the office, not her fault because she couldn't have possibly known, said "if you finish these online classes you might be able to graduate early!" and I said nothing.
Because if I finish those classes it means I can graduate 3 months late!

Why did things look hopeful? I passed probability and statistics. With a C. I had prepped myself for failure, ready to take an online class to make up for that online class to make up for a half credit and I passed.

1.5 credits from three separate classes to go!

I'm suffering from horrible depression, on the inside. On the outside I'm acting happy and stuff. No point in bringing everyone else down, right?
This is the last place I feel I can convey true emotions to people. And I'm leaving here soon.

Hello yt.
Someone I went to school with for all 4 years and talked to semi-regularly called me a freshman.

There are 14 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I hurt my wrist today. it`s f*cking killing me - Mood:Depressed
Tuesday June 11 20137:08:41 PM |
misjudged where i was going to sit. missed the chair.slammed my wrist on the floor to catch myself. then all 300+ pounds of me slammed straight on it.
it hurts to move it and stuff.

i start the second half of summer school tomorrow. probability and stats was f*cking impossible. precalc is going to be...ugh.

they dont happen often, but i just felt like giving up today. Grabbing my stuff and walking home so i can just lay down and sleep. only forever.

I think the medication is working. But then again i still feel depressed.

I still feel like giving up.
And im already in bed.
but tomorrows another day, right?

hello YT.
I do believe the time for me to leave you is fast approaching. You're lovely, but I don't feel the same about you as i did before.
How're you all?

There are 6 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

In which I feel like a failure even though I shouldn`t - Mood:Good
Sunday June 09 201312:11:54 AM |
It was unintentional. It was. But it made me feel like this utter failure, y'know?
My mom was talking about how her friends son didn't graduate either but once he's done he's going to school out of state. Then she goes on to mention asking my cousin who is a year behind me but has a job and a plan for what she'll do after school.

Then I thought to myself holy sh*t. 100% of the people that were in my graduating class either graduated or had a plan for after they did. Or at least had a job and some money saved up.

Me? I've been dicking around whole life basically. I don't have a job, a plan, and the one thing motivating me to finish high school is losing its momentum fast. I feel like a child.

The magic words that brought this on?
"You're cousin is becoming an adult."

Me? Still a child. A fat, lazy, dumb child.

There are 15 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

So then yt. I almost broke a promise to myself. - Mood:Good
Friday June 07 201310:57:58 PM |
I went to the kitchen. I grabbed the bottle of everclear. And then I stopped. I'm done drinking for a while. Last time I drank was Saturday. And that was a whole bottle of vodka by myself.
I just don't see the point anymore. I don't know why I ever did.
So now I'm sober! And it's not fun!

I'm fairly certain I'm the oldest person in summer school. Everyone else is a sagging pants skinny jean wearing wannabe douchebag "gangsta".
"yo bro, ima head ova to yo house after school so we can smoke fat blunts. I just gotta wait until my mom gets off work so she can drive me."
And then I laughed out loud.

Guess who's still depressed!
But I think I know what I'm gonna do in life. Maybe.
Only maybe so far.

I like this song. A lot.

So what're you up to on this glorious Friday night?

There are 7 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I do believe I need to take an indefinite break from you, yt - Mood:Good
Tuesday June 04 201311:29:36 PM |
Not now, though. But soon.
I just don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore, including here, which, even as a lurker, is nice to visit still.

Hint: it's also the same person who won't finish summer school and will probably finish high school in December if not ride it out for one more sad 5th year.

I've been applying to jobs lately. Nothing fancy. Just dishwasher and stockpot type stuff. So far I've heard nothing back from 5 or so places. Nobody wants the fat guy I guess.
It's okay though, I've been picked last in sports my whole life, I'm used to it.

I told some girl I liked her purse yesterday. And it's a completely understandable statement. It's shaped like pika hi from Pokemon.
Her reaction?
A look of disgust and a very bitchy/disgusted "thanks".
It was a cool bag.

Hi yt.
Wanna listen to sad music with me?

There are 21 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

IN THIS JOURNAL I complain about things and sound like a whiny teenager (in fairness that`s probably what I am) - Mood:Good
Tuesday May 28 20137:25:26 AM |
I take antidepressants. I don't like them.
I just don't. I don't want to admit that there's something wrong with me. But when I wake up and am reminded to take my pill, it cements in the reality that "hey jackass, something is wrong."
Everyone's told me its not my fault, it's just a chemical imbalance and all that yadda yadda. But it makes me feel...inferior.
And as someone with horrible self esteem already, it makes me feel sh*ttier than I already feel normally. BUT THE THING IS I haven't taken it for the last 2 or 3 days.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE DARNDEST THING IS? I've become depressed and cynical again.
3 f*cking days.
I can only imagine what would happen if I stopped taking them all together.
So now, I'm hoping my mom doesn't remember that I told her I want to stop taking them, because I don't want to explain to her why I changed my mind.

Thank you for letting me complain.
How're you?

There are 6 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Let`s start a protest baby. We could change the world. - Mood:Good
Sunday May 26 201311:06:18 PM |
I wanna protest something really f*cking stupid and pointless and meaningless, but with the seriousness that people protest abortions and stuff with.
"WE WANT KETCHUP TO BE MORE RED" and then bomb a huntz delivery truck.

I feel more and more like I don't belong anywhere. And it just seems more and more true. I feel out of place, lost, and distant.
I don't understand why I was sad because I didn't graduate on time.
Because all my friends did and I didn't?
I don't have any friends.
Because I missed out on parties?
I would've never been invited nor would've gone.

Even when I do eventually graduate I'm just gonna go home, and drink alone. Most likely.

I'm starting to feel out of place on the Internet.
And the Internet is goddamned infinite.

Hello yt.
I'm incredibly whiny and depressed lately.
How're you?

There are 47 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I`ve got things to say and stuff. - Mood:Good
Sunday May 26 201312:32:32 AM |
Thursday was graduation night at my school. They had fireworks. Which I could see from my house. So I drank. A lot. Because, as I may have mentioned, I didn't graduate. Hopefully by the end of June.

I wanna drink again, but I drank everything we Had in the house (liqours only. Beer don't cut it for me)

I feel like getting a tattoo. But I have no idea what I'd get. I'm leaning towards a trapezoid. Nothing in it, just the shape.

You know what movie is a really good movie? Postal. The one based on the game. It is exactly like the game, in that it's comically violent, stupid, and obviously critiques modern life and stuff.

I wanna just...go crazy lately. I feel stuck. Trapped.
I see what my family goes through in their day to day and I don't f*cking want that.
But everyone says it's inevitable. And makes me feel like I'm destined to live the same life.

Hi yt.

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I need a new hobby. Any suggestions? - Mood:Good
Monday May 20 20137:40:09 PM |
Keep in mind i'm a broke, jobless teenager.

I don't have to go to school until next wednesday. That's when summer school starts.
ALSO GUYS I MAY ACTUALLY GRADUATE BY THE END OF JUNE. But i will need to work my ass off in the next month. I have to do two math classes during summer school and two online classes also.
I might just be able to do it.
Sh*t i'm nervous about it all.

I honestly like my hair right now. it's nice and long and i *think* (THINK) i look pretty ok wearing a bandana.

I think i might know what i wanna do with my life.
Own a bar.
Because why not, y'know?

Today's been a busy day in my head.
how are you all?

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On friday, I told a room full of people about my depression and anxiety - Mood:Good
Sunday May 19 20137:57:36 PM |
And then gave them all a thinly veiled "f*ck you".
Told them about the depression, anxiety, and overwhelming loneliness i've felt for all 4 years of high school.
Only then did even half of them acknowledge me for literally the first time.

I figured it constituted a "f*ck you all" so I did that. I wish I'd had the courage to actually say it. But a half hearted angry "cheers to the lucky bastards graduating" got my point across, I think.

I found two great subreddits. Fullmoviesonyoutube and fullmoviesonvimeo.
They actually have some good movies.

Hello YT. How are you?
I'm watching Battle Royale.

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