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Female, 36 years old
ny, Western US

  Offline - Last On: 359days 6 hours ago

18 Buddies
28 Subscribers
44,695 Profile Views
52,540 Posts | Member Since: 7/25/2002
Link to this profile:

i won`t have to anymore jon groff
NicolesLove


Interests: Dogs / Dancing / Games / Theater / Singing
Homepage: (None)
Birthday:10/11/1985 (36 Years Old)
IM Type: MSN IM Name:
Occupation: Dancer
Marital Status: Married
Sexual Preference: (Decline to State)
Religion: Other
Politics: (Decline to State)
Fav. Movie: good will hunting, you`ve got mail, dead poets
Fav. TV Show: House, macgyver, poker
Fav. Book: Without You by Anthony Rapp
Fav. Song: i like broadway :-) and singer/songwriters
Fav. Food: Donuts
Fav. Car: bah. walkings where its at
 
Theme 'evanescence2' created by NicolesLove
Active Journal Entries | Archived Journal Entries

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Whoa yea wait a minute mr postman, wa-ai-ai-ait mr postman, please mr postman look and see, if theres a letter in your bag for me - Mood:Good
Thursday March 12 200912:56:15 AM |
My hand smells like sh*t. Like.... actual sh*t. And i'm disturbed, as i i have no idea why. I wash my hand before i leave the loo yo.

I had a long talk with the boy and i feel all good about us now

Still don't know if i'm preggers, have wicked bad pms, or am dying (aka something else).

I'm going to the center friday, then if THAT'S negative i am putting it out of my mind for two weeks, then going again.

Sh*t. I just remember i have to read a chapter and write notes to present it to the class, due tomorrow.

I still have to shower

Name 5 things you did today that you liked, and name 5 things you did today you didn't like.

There are 19 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I don`t wanna move. - Mood:Good
Wednesday March 11 20094:03:28 PM |
I've had this problem for about 3 days now.

I've gone to one class out of 6 so far this week.

At the request of my bf i am peeing on yet another stick tomorrow, and going to the health center friday. First one was negative but i'm somewhere between -2 weeks (early) and 2 weeks late, and don't feel good so he's freaking.

I have waves of freaking, and waves of not freaking.

I am lounging on my bed. My stomach is all weird. I couldn't get to sleep last night cuz my stomach was all weird, plus i kept getting stabbing pains.

It could be pms.

But mostly.. I just really don't wanna move. Like, i wanna move... I wanna go dance and go to class but my body is like NO. YOU WILL NOT MOVE.
It takes SO MUCH effort.

wtf is wrong with me?
My bf is worried on two counts.
1) hes worried i'm pregnant
2) he's worried that if i'm not pregnant, something is horridly wrong with me.

Unpleasant.

There are 30 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I think i am pregnant, have diabetes, am anemic, caught the plague, am bipolar, am looking all my teeth and have wicked bad PMS - Mood:Good
Tuesday March 10 20095:50:06 PM |
I have been insatiably thirsty, and hungry, mostly for sweet things. Which has caused me to have to pee constantly. But its like.. a different kind of pee. Its more frequent and urgent Plus i've been like.. sluggish and not wanting to move.
Thus my friend (and therefore I) am convinced i have diabetes

I am about one day to 2 weeks late for my period (it CRAZY fluctuates from a 29 day cycle to a 48 day cycle every month), my stomach has been kinda weird and i am an extremely paranoid person.
Thus, my boyfriend (and therefore I) is convinced i am pregnant.

(cont)

There are 59 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I FEEL SO UNSATIFIED EVERYTIME I TALK TO HIM - Mood:Good
Monday March 09 20094:39:31 PM |
Hi YT.

I may have overslept and missed my first class today. I blame YT. It was too interesting last night.

Calzones are good.

I need to shower.

I hate when people give celebrity gifts. GIVE IT TO THE LITTLE PEOPLE WHO CAN'T AFFORD poo LIKE THAT

I'M IN A VERY CAPS LOCK MOOD

I am ready for spring break yo. I wanna go somewhere. I wanna go on vacation. But where. And with who. I could have gone with the boy but he found a job again and won't have a week off.

I feel bitchy. And disconnected.
Bad things come from that.

HI!!!

There are 6 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

So... whats the difference bewteen girlfriends and counselors? - Mood:Good
Monday March 09 20091:40:27 AM |
I really wanna talk my relationship to death with people. I was thinking, cuz i'm programmed to, counselors.
But then i was thinking, i don't want professional ears. I don't need them. With this anyway

I want girls, with relationship experience, friends, to tell me if things i'm doing/feeling/ he's doing are normal/bad/good. or just listen to my crazy hormonal girl thoughts, fears and fretting.

All my friends atm are guys. half of which are guys who i dated/ once liked me. If not more than half. I need some females in my life. Who aren't related to me and 30+ years older.

BAH.

Why must i complicate everything? Why must i be a girl?

There are 262 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

A package i sent to a YTer for christmas just came back to me :-( - Mood:Good
Friday March 06 200910:10:28 PM |
To mudassar. Insufficient address apparently.

My friend is annoying the poo out of me.

He went to a dance performance just to try to pick up one of the dancers (he has a thing for short dancers). I ed at him. Seriously. Creepy dude.

Anyway. He went yesterday, found a girl he likes, asked him to look out for her- shes the shortest girl in the 5th piece- and see if i know her name. He had it narrowed down to 5 from the program

I was like.. um. No. Thats creepy. He begged, i'm like fine, i have to go watch anyway, i'll see if i know the short girl in the 5th piece.

So i go. I DO know the short girl in the 5th piece. So i tell him her name. He's all, "well wtf am i just going to do with a name, i wanted you to introduce me to her".

1) I know of her, i don't personally know her

(cont)

There are 10 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Just kill me now. - Mood:Good
Friday March 06 20094:54:50 PM |
My tooth broke in half

Make it magically better.

Gross broken tooth pic:

My bf keeps telling me to go to a dentist or i'll be sorry. My mother keeps telling me to leave it alone unless it hurts. It doesn't btw. yet.

I am in a CRAPPY ass mood. I really wanna scream and punch someone.

it is really hard to remember to chew on one side only.

ZOMG I HATE THE WORLD AND EVERYONE IN IT

Except you. Well, maybe you though.

Am i the only one who gets suicidal when faced with the dentist?

There are 25 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Gimme some good girl/guy movies to watch - Mood:Good
Thursday March 05 20099:51:14 PM |
me and the bo wanna watchna movie but its so hard to find a movie both he (typical guy taste) and i (typical girl taste) would wanna watch.

he: no musicals
me: no gory bloody scary whatnot

help

I'm thinking something dramaish. but not sad. and not creepy.

There are 56 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

A rant. Seriously a rant you really don`t care about. - Mood:Good
Thursday March 05 20096:39:47 PM |
So i'm crying, and i have no idea why i'm crying

Well, i know what started it but its stupid and really not a reason to cry. i keep laughing and yelling at myself

Maybe i just needed a good cry

i suppose i should say what upset me. otherwise i really don't have much of a journal

I WAS RIGHT. Not only did he not use me an guide/example when he really didn't have many and was looking for one, but he tried to correct me when I WAS RIGHT. Even he wasn't right in the movement. I tried to tell him and he wouldn't listen to me. It took him 5 minute of fiddling with other people to figure it out (that what *I* was doing was right) and even THEN he didn't use me as an example. Didn't even acknowledge that i was right all along.

WTF????

When i get angry i cry. Plus i'm kinda hurt he has no faith in me. Like, negative faith in me.

There are 11 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I almost had a totally awesome beyond spectacular ridiculous amounts of fun and happiness night - Mood:Good
Thursday March 05 20091:43:16 AM |
But no. I can't figure out how to hook up my super nintendo to my dorm tv

i am resisting the urge to call up my bf at 2am to come over and hook it up.

I think i'm missing some parts and whosywhatsits though.

Sadness.

HOW WILL THE WORLD RECOVER

My leg looks gnarly man. Its all battered, bruised and scabbed.

OH MY GOD I AM ABOUT TO MURDER MY FRIEND. He drives me insane. Hes really.. not.. i dunno. Good friend material. All he does is insult my bf, he is itching for us to break up, hes all ME ME ME ME ME ME, hes arrogant yet is all woe is me, the world is out to get me.

Why am i still friends with him? he's the only one i've got. i'm working on that.

I just so got neosporin alll over my laptop keys

There are 26 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Cakeballs or a beach side vacation? - Mood:Good
Wednesday March 04 20093:28:00 PM |
So i bought all the ingredients to make cakeballs, they are waiting at my grandmas house. I was planning on making them over spring break so i could use my grandmas well stocked, clean, non invisible kitchen

But but.... the bf invited me to go to mytle beach with him. His family has a house down there, it'd be his parents, his brothers, him and me in the house, his aunt and his cousins nearby.

On one hand, a week of relaxation and vacation? Hellz yes. Oh the other. I'd be completely reliant on him and all up in his family. I'm not sure i'm quite that comfortable with his family yet.

On that same hand i get car sick after 2 hours. Its a 15 hour drive.

On the other hand i'll be bfless over spring break. But i'll live.

AH

Cakeballs or vacation with the bf?

I'm tired. Pray to the academic gods that my last class is cancelled.

I really wanna skip. But i can't.

There are 40 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Do you have a `holy crap i`m hot` mirror? - Mood:Good
Tuesday March 03 20091:54:53 PM |
Where no matter how your body actually looks, it looks FABULOUS in that mirror?

angles.

paper done! with one hour to spare.

In that our i have to:
-print papers
-eat
-shower.. though i don't think i'm gonna have time ew
- get dressed for a dance class and a history class
- misc

fun times!
lunch is heating. chicken.

sorry for any lack of punctuation/spelling/etc. but i am grammar/spellinged out.

toothpaste and chicken doesn't taste so good.

but on the plus side, my body is rocking today

how about yours?

There are 32 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

The world will be stained with my crimson blood and any who dare stumble into my war path - Mood:Good
Monday March 02 200911:33:35 PM |
I'd rather leave this earth than deal with this torturous evil one second longer. No one should be subjected to the gruesome, dark, twisted present and future that awaits me tonight, that beckons and... calls.

Goodbye cruel world, i shall miss your delicious cookies and cakes.
Take good care of my dogs.
FREE ME FROM THIS BURDEN THAT CHAINS ME DOWN IN MISERY, THAT LEADS ME TO TEAR OUT MY SKIN AND HAIR.
Save my soul and body from the weight thrust upon it by those who revel in power.

AKA I have 2 3-5 page essays due tomorrow and i am f*cked because i've been trying to write them for a good 3 days now and am getting no where. My brain just... doesn't do that.

So, hows your night going?

There are 14 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Why is it so hard not to do everything else in the world when avoiding something? - Mood:Good
Monday March 02 20093:02:04 PM |
I want an after lunch sweet. But everything i have is too heavy. Birthday cake. Donettes. Wait- my donettes are gone. Nutty bars. All too heavy. I want like.. a cookie or something.

So at the moment this is what i wanna do:


- hook up my super nintendo
- clean and reorganize my entire room
- watch tv
- nap
- get some boy lovin
- dance
- watch online tv
- watch a movie
- play a yahoo game
- waste time on yt
- go swimming

But no. I can't. Because i have to:

- write a 3-5 page history midterm
- write another 3-5 page history midterm
- write a journal entry for MSA
- write another journal entry for MSA
- write an essay for my audition

I have ketchup all in my sleeve.

I had a dream the RD was trying to find me for something and he followed me into the girls bathroom.

Bring me a cookie please.

There are 9 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Feel like brain storming with me? - Mood:Good
Monday March 02 200912:15:09 AM |
My neck hurts.

My stepdad yelled at my bf as we sat next to each other on gram's couch "Get your hands off my daughter!" He was joking. But I got all He called me his daughter.

So. This paper i'm writing. I am a brainstorming person i NEED to talk things over with people. Exchange ideas, even a silent sounding board. With anything.

And with this paper i need some human interaction and discussion to get my wheels turning. So tell me YT:

What do you think is the importance of the study of world history to you AS AMERICANS?
Why, if at all, should you take such a course? Discuss it from an angle of global leadership of the united states, ever increasing economic, military, and geopolitical interdependence as well as past ideological confrontations, strategic importance of certain parts of the world, and enhance diversity within the us borders.

Thoughts?

There are 13 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I`ma procrastin-eater. - Mood:Good
Sunday March 01 20099:47:36 PM |
I brought home a buncha food from my grams today. And have made it through about half putting off this essay. I have to write.

Don't make me.

I still have to take a shower.

I figure, shower, dry, cloth. I'll start it at 11pm and write until need be.

I apologize for any desperate, whiny, bitchy, procrastinating posts/journals i may make tonight.

What are you putting off? And does it make you as crazy and wanna cry like i do?

There are 9 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

My clothes need to learn how to wash themselves. - Mood:Good
Saturday February 28 20095:26:11 PM |
I really don't wanna do laundry. Or write these essays.

I have 2 history midterm essays. 3-5 pages. One on why we as americans should learn about world history. One on my choice of either:

- why, when all religions stress peace, justice, equality, and understanding, do their followers hate and fight against each other so much

- In what ways is Buddhism an offshoot of Hinduism

- Discuss the basic principles of islam, comparing to judism and christianity


UNPLEASANT.

Plus i have a couple journal entries to write for my MSA class.

I also have to read a chapter.

I was not meant for school. I get an essay and consider throwing myself off a bridge

I so don't wanna do laundry. But i'm running out of socks, undies, bras, my blanket smells funny and my sheets have chocolate on them.

I wanna go swimming
I could too, from 7-8:30pm. But NO, i have to write stupid essays.

There are 16 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Cages or wings, which do you prefer? Ask the birds. Fear or love, baby, don`t say the answer, actions speak louder than words - Mood:Good
Friday February 27 20094:43:37 PM |
Wooo the pool is open 6:45-7:45am (hell no), Noon- 1pm, and 7-8:30pm

I am SO going swimming thursdays from 7:00-8:30pm

I'm watching jericho and looking up mushroom clouds. Crazy how they can be kinda pretty and terrifying all at once.

I'm finding it really hard to truly be myself lately.

YAY ITS FRIDAY

The counseling center keeps cancelling and rescheduling on me. wtf don't they know i am wicked unstable and out of my mind?
On the plus side, if i get all crazy and moody and pyscho i can now blame bc pills


Have i mentioned my love for reeses eggs

Show me pretty pictures.

I wonder if anyone can identify my title without cheating.

How long does it take bc pills to start being effective?

Is it spring yet?

There are 9 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

:-O I just said "zomg" as in. With a Z. Out loud. :-| wtf. - Mood:Good
Thursday February 26 20099:48:50 PM |
My dinner looks delicious:

I went and both bc pills today I'm scared. However, i researched before i got them (cuz i'm paranoid like that) and it said to tell your doctor if you have a history of depression before taking these.
I do. She didn't ask.
Wtf. Good thing i asked the pharmacist about it, who told me yes go back and talk to my doc about it first before taking these

F*cking f*cking. Why must it be so difficult.

Honestly, it so doesn't seem worth it.

But it made my bf all gooey and sappy and y. crazy.

I have to write two 3-5 page papers for my midterm Unpleasant.
Plus i have to write a sh*tload of journals tonight for tomorrow.

And now i have a health center AND counseling appoint for tomorrow. Plus class. Plus a dance performance. BAH

There are 56 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I feel very blank and numb - Mood:Good
Thursday February 26 20092:21:45 PM |
I really wanna chat some stuff over with someone(s). But YT isn't known for its non judgmental, non jumping to conclusions, bad advice pile ons. So.

I suppose i have nothing to say.

I feel awful though. Physically which is bleeding over into mentally.

Hows your day?

There are 11 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I want to go swimming. - Mood:Good
Tuesday February 24 20098:17:56 PM |
I don't see that happening since its 15 degrees and snowing.

I'm stressing. Stupid classes. Stupid audition. Stupid lack of food. Stupid lack of money. Stupid lack of future. Stupid lack of free studios. Stupid urges. Stupid judgmental friends.

Thus.
I wanna go swimming.

There are 18 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Change me for the better. Change me into who I want to me. - Mood:Good
Tuesday February 24 20092:06:23 AM |
So i was gonna go for a walk. But its about -5 out, so maybe not.

The bf came over, fell asleep for 3 hours, left. I know its not his fault, he was exhausted. At least he came over, he didn't have to. I had a paper to write anyway. He slept, i wrote. Twas interesting i've never had someone sleep on me/cuddle me as i wrote a paper Makes paper writing much more fun.

I dislike my friends. They are being bum openings. If they don't like my decisions they can gft.

Make school go away. I feel like a need a vacation. To calm, cool, and collect.

I'm starting to wish i was different. And starting to get frustrated that i can't figure out how to to do it.

Every time i go to choreograph a dance it has 3 people in it. I just realized this. The one i want to make now has a guy and two girls. Guys in dance are scarce. I think my dance is going to go unmade

There are 102 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

one`s gotta bust a nut just to jism the wild boys running away with the rhythm.. the rhythm, the rhythm, the rhythm... and the champagne. - Mood:Good
Monday February 23 20092:57:45 PM |
So the boy met my family yesterday. Oh scary bunch. My family is insane. In a good and bad way. My stepdad likes him, and he likes my stepdad. Both love hunting. My mom came over to me and was like "oh god, our men are bonding"

The boy called my mom a milf Ew. But she called him cute. Bleck.

It was grams birthday so we all had cake and sung horribly.
We both survived though woooo
He was having fun actually. It was just me who couldn't wait til leave.
He keeps telling me he's going to drag me home next week so he can show my stepdad some kinda of gun thingy I don't wanna go home

I am completely screwed in this class i just came from. We were supposed to type a page reflection on EVERY class. And i thought it was a page total. She's letting me redo it but holy crap, i don't remember wtf we did in class everyday for the past 2 weeks! Oh and i am no longer a virgin.

There are 44 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

The fun i`m having is unmeasureable/ How to break into the dance building and throw a party at 1am - Mood:Good
Sunday February 22 20091:00:08 AM |
I am sitting, alone, in the middle of a little hallway lounge thingy, on the second floor of the dance building. speakers plugged into my laptop, blasting music and rocking out. OH god its fun.

There's still a professor here, but he's cool


I'm having issues good blasting rock out to songs on my zune though I have lots of broadway... not much rock out music.

I am about 5 minutes from taking off my socks (shoes are already off) and just crazy dancing singing along with my water bottle microphone.

I am quite enjoying my party of one.

Lets all hope Nicole doesn't get busted my campus police for being in a building after hours

Join me!!!!! I have a spare water bottle you can use

There are 21 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I am eating sherbert and pouting - Mood:Good
Saturday February 21 200910:16:48 PM |
Me and the boy haven't seen each in like, 2 whole days . i KNOW, how do we survive

He was supposed to come over tonight, i walked to the store to try to tire myself out so i could actually fall asleep before midnight so i don't keep him awake.

I cleaned my room, talked to him on AIM, said i'm gonna take a shower, give me 15 minutes then come over, he said sure.

Yea. That was 2 hours ago.

I don't like when plans change Especially without a call, a text, anything. So now i'm kinda mad hes not here AND worried he's in a ditch somewhere. Most likely he fell asleep. But still.

Plus it ruined my night I could have gone and danced, i could have eaten dinner later, pbth!!!


I don't like my cheese moved!!!!!

So what should i do with the rest of my night?

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