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Female, 36 years old
ny, Western US

  Offline - Last On: 651days 16 hours ago

18 Buddies
28 Subscribers
46,284 Profile Views
52,540 Posts | Member Since: 7/25/2002
Link to this profile:

i won`t have to anymore jon groff

Interests: Dogs / Dancing / Games / Theater / Singing
Homepage: (None)
Birthday:10/11/1985 (36 Years Old)
IM Type: MSN IM Name:
Occupation: Dancer
Marital Status: Married
Sexual Preference: (Decline to State)
Religion: Other
Politics: (Decline to State)
Fav. Movie: good will hunting, you`ve got mail, dead poets
Fav. TV Show: House, macgyver, poker
Fav. Book: Without You by Anthony Rapp
Fav. Song: i like broadway :-) and singer/songwriters
Fav. Food: Donuts
Fav. Car: bah. walkings where its at
Theme 'evanescence2' created by NicolesLove
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YT, come sit with me and hold my hand as I go through the 5 stages of schoolwork - Mood:Good
Wednesday May 08 201311:39:43 AM |
Denial, depression, whining, anger, and anxiety.

I got a 100% on my 12 page paper. Holy f*ck. I mean, I was proud of it and everything, but i wrote it in like 8 hours over 2 nights. I'm sure theres sh*t wrong with it. Not a lot, but 100%? I'm not arguing though

So I have to create a 25 minute presentation right now. Before 4pm. Well, after 4pm too, but I have an appt at 4pm. I have to give this presentation tomorrow at 1pm.

I'm freaking the f*ck out.
I need 8 sources. I don't know wtf i'm supposed to be researching. I have a case study. I have to explain, defend and argue with 'my' handling of the situation, a no-right-or-wrong-answer problem that arises with political candidates crashing my senior citizen picnic.
Wtf do i research?
Free speech maybe?
Thats all i can think of.

My shoulders hurt.
Typing will be fun.


Exam friday. Final tuesday, wednesday. THEN I'M FREE

There are 41 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Take me back to the sweet times The hot nights Everything is gonna be alright In the summertime Baby, in the summertime - Mood:Good
Tuesday May 07 201310:34:13 AM |
I'm cold. Freaking spring. I'm always freezing in spring and fall. They turned off the heat. Its usually 71 in here. Its now 64. I can't feel my toes. Seriously I am crazy cold blooded or something. I have fuzzy slippers two layers of pants and a heavy hoodie on. Still cold.

I am proud of my painted pot so i am showing it here too

I am trying to make a powerpoint for a 25 minute presentation I have to Thursday that.. i just started 10 minutes ago. Its not going well. I don't know wtf I'm doing. I don't know why I just can't get the gist of this assignment. I could have had a fabulous presentation, but no. My brain just.. can't comprehend .

There are 29 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Why is this computer going SO DAMN SLOW - Mood:Good
Monday May 06 201311:32:22 AM |
My phone as well.



I'm unmedicated YT
Well, kinda.
I skipped my night dose so i could take the morning one earlier, therefore taking the night one earlier since i keep falling asleep before taking it which is messing me all up.

I should be doing schoolwork that i am way behind on right now.
But i am so over this semester.

I am going to miss the turkey paninis in the library though, mmmmmmmm,.

I'm a little grr today Yt. Not sure why. Probably school or such. Last week of classes.

I am going to take out some books from the library today.

Any suggestions?

I have pickles. Neener neener.

I slept like 12 hours so no nap between classes today.

I'm not sure what to do with myself.

Had a lovely weekend though.

There are 5 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I was all one with nature YT. And i have pics to prove it. - Mood:Good
Sunday May 05 201310:48:38 AM |
And my questionable fashion. Born from laziness, not from taste.

Its morning. A sunday morning. I have been awake since 7am. *sigh*

I watched season 8 (what there is) of Bondi Rescue.
Re-potted a couple plants (whytf aren't two of my sunflowers growing??).
Made some coffee sugar. Its drying now.

Ate some sub.

Aaaand. Now i'm twiddling my thumbs,

I have a giant project due thursday.. But its one of those things where i don't even know where to begin. So.. I haven't.

I can't wait for the semester to be over. I will miss having a purpose for waking up. Well, that sounds depressing, I will miss having a place to go that is. But will not miss all the work and sh*t. I am so over my classes.

In case you were wondering i went with gymnastics over costuming. I emailed and costuming sounds wicked intense for a 1 credit class. Fun. But too much work with my other classes.

There are 45 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I need a movie to watch. - Mood:Good
Friday May 03 201311:15:43 AM |
But I am very specific in my wantings.

I'm thinking.. movie i've seen before, but like, only once, a long time ago.

Nothing too drama-esque, or comedy-esque. A mix of the two would be nice. Nothing too sad or depressing. But i don't wanna happy and bubbly either.


I skipped class today. I'm not sue why. I was up. I woke up at 4am, after falling asleep around 6pm. Class at 10am.
Just.. didn't feel like going. And just lecture today i believe. Nothing due or such. That I know of. Hopefully.

I've been trying to go back to sleep since i woke up. No luck.

Bunch of my little seedlings are coming up. Woo

I'm a bit meh and apathetic today.

You know what concept I hate? Consequences.

I might model some dress for yall whether you like it or not later. If i actually get off my couch.

Supposed to be nice out today.


There are 28 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Oh god its morning. - Mood:Good
Thursday May 02 20136:59:51 AM |
Good morning YT.

I lost last night
Now I get to answer for it today. Fun times. I miss when my life was just my own.

I have to throw out a whole bag of homemade cookies They taste bad though But still. Sadness.

More of my flowers are coming up!
Only one more pot.

Only half my sunflowers came up. Why

No sign of tomatoes.

Supposed to be 77 today, woo.

I find myself apathetic YT.

Got my slip in the mail. Half slip. It looks.. small. Perhaps I should have gotten a medium.
I never understand that. I am little. And i take a medium in most stuff. People who take smalls must be like, a pencil.

Skirts are not made for people with asses I have discovered.

I wish i could find loveline episodes online free. I am so not paying for them when if i was awake at certain times I could listen for free.

Oh YT.

Another day.

There are 9 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Oh YT. Its another crazy journal. - Mood:Good
Wednesday May 01 201312:59:35 PM |
Saw new counselor today since my regular one like.. disappeared.

I don't like this new guy. But i don't like him in a way that intrigues me so i don't want to switch. Well, plus i don't like anyone else.

I don't know. He makes me super defensive.
I went in not being urgey at all.
At the moment it is taking ever fiber of my being not to cut and i'm pretty sure i'm going to lose the battle. I'm mostly trying to wait as long as i can to do it because the more time that passes the lesser it will be i believe.

I've been up since 10pm last night. Normally I'd just.. go to sleep and sleep through the urge but i will f*ck up my sleep schedule even more if i do that.

I could also try to wait it out til 5:30pm, head back to campus and chat with my friend, she is a good calming influence, and if nothing else, it'll put it off like 4 hours. But then i gotta ride my bike back.


There are 17 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Costuming or gymnastics? - Mood:Good
Monday April 29 20135:19:47 PM |
I need a bullsh*t class.

They are both at the same time.
I've been trying to get into gymnastics forever, to improve my dance. But I am getting old. I might break a hip.
Costuming sounds fun, working back stage in the theatre and all. But i don't know what exactly it entails.

Oh decisions.

I'm tired of talking.

You talk first.

There are 20 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Why does Levinson have to have such a sh*tty theory???? - Mood:Good
Sunday April 28 20136:58:21 PM |
This is the journal where i will cry, scream, rant, moan, complain, and whine about the paper I am writing, that is due tomorrow.

At the moment i am at the section where i have to pick 2 theorists and explain their theories of early adulthood. I have to use the textbook. The textbook mention 3, erikson, levinson and vaillant. Levinson and vaillant have like, 3 paragraphs each of info that says nothing. This section has to be 1 1/2 pages. UGHHHHHHH.
Stupid sh*tty theorists.

Early adult theories are sh*t. Childhood, thats where the good theories are. I miss piaget.

I also have to link the theorist to the assessments i did. Which are stress, life satisfaction and depression scale. Not sure.... thats fits.


Stupid paper
stupid theorists
stupid class
stupid textbook
stupid assessments
stupid pancakes

There are 8 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Okay so heres the thing. - Mood:Good
Saturday April 27 20132:55:46 AM |
I made coffee snickerdoodles. They are too bitter with the coffee flavor in them. Soo... I mixed them into vanilla ice cream. OH. MY. GOD.

Picture may come.

Oh YT.

I interviewed a girl today. Fun times. I don't think I'm a good interviewer.

I have to write a giant paper, with a 5 page long explanation of what has to go in the paper, by Monday. I may die.
Or more likely lose my sanity and fail.

I have so much sh*t growing in my apt. I feel all green thumbed.

I have to pee YT, brb.

There are 43 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

A less crazy journal. Maybe. We`ll see. - Mood:Good
Thursday April 25 20139:13:54 PM |
I am making cookies Snickerdoodles I think. I'm having some motivation issues so I've been adding a couple ingredients, coming back to my couch, adding ingredients, couch. I figure forcing myself to actually move might be a good thing.

Skipped two classes today Bad Nicole.

My Pepper was in my dream. She came back from heaven to help us solve a mystery I think. I miss her. But thats the good thing about having such vivid dreams. I still get to see her, and Max, and Gus.

Song I'm choreographing to
Its slow/ modern dance which means my mom won't come, she hates the slow ones, comes to see the meaningless hip hop ones. Sorry mama, this ones for me, and means something to me.

Should I add espresso to my 'doodles?

I slept for 17 hours 1am- 6pm. Yay depression. Its nice really. I'm less anxious and urgey when in it.


There are 20 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I`m going to crazy all over you, you`ve been warned. - Mood:Good
Wednesday April 24 20134:44:22 PM |
I don't like being afraid of my mind.

I don't like that i am in a tug of war within my mind, with me on both sides, for and against self destruction. Its entirely exhausting and confusing to hold two opposing sides. Its freaky to wonder if my just wanting it to stop will eventually get to the point of wanting to make things stop permanently.

Its frustrating to know that my normal fixes don't work.
Its.. something to think that if i do give in and do something, i may not be able to stop myself from going too far with it.

Its frustrating and anger inducing to have a boyfriend with this. Hes in the way. Its unfair to make me choose between SI and him, it doesn't work that way, it just doesn't, Its like taking away my vent valve, i'm gonna f*cking explode.

Nothing will lessen these stupid urges and feelings. Things that usually work a little aren't working at all.

There are 104 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

So.. My counselor is taking personal leave for the remainder of the semester. So.. Theres that. - Mood:Good
Tuesday April 23 20134:05:41 PM |

I have seen just about everyone in the counseling center at one point or another, I don't mesh with any of them very well, except the counselor i have.

Also, i flat out don't like 2 of them, and theres another who was so green. They reassigned me to one of them Which, I could change if i asked. I got the green guy. Which, would be fun and all. But hes wayyy to easy to manipulate. So. Thats going to be a problem. Cuz i am crazy defensive and it comes out in manipulativeness. Not in mean ways. Just.. yeah. Anyway. Would be fun. But unhelpful to the point of counseling and all.

I've seen him once.
So I'll give him a chance. See how I do almost done with the semester anyway.

I was abandoned No really, it sucks. When i started at this college i started seeing this one guy, who up and retired over christmas break. Then i ended up with the one i have now.

There are 14 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Oh YT. Its a crazy journal. Hopefully not that entertaining. - Mood:Good
Monday April 22 201311:09:21 PM |
Its been a rough day, and I'm thinking its going to be a rough night.

Help YT.

What can I do to keep me safe from myself?

Or just to keep me from screaming at the top of my lungs/ throwing things, etc.

How do crazy people keep from going crazy?
I am sure I am not the only one like this.
Yet i don't see too many people having public meltdowns.

I'll take keeping me occupied.

Have a heart, save an arm.
Actually, save an anniversary, May 14th, 2 years.

I wish I had real touchable friends It would be an awesome "everyone come over to Nicoles, bring snacks, board games and support" night.

Though we could totally play online games yall.
Just sayin.

There are 28 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

YT, i feel as though its going to be a long day. (my so far day in pictures) - Mood:Good
Monday April 22 201311:24:43 AM |
I feel on the verge of tears or screaming or cliff jumping. I'm not sure why. But its not pleasant.

Oh YT.

I have some arm art. So. Thats cool. (pic coming)

I also have a ton of food. (pic coming)

My zune is such a good little zune. It waited until i pulled up to my class to die

I have a strong urge to bust out singing, in the middle of this computer lab. Not helping is the fact I am alone in here.
Also not helping is the fact we watched a ABBA parody song about presbyopia in class this morning.

Is anyone out there?

Gimme stuff to take and post pictures of.
(keeping in mind I am in a library computer lab)

Or just say Hi

There are 147 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Ladies and gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice. - Mood:Good
Sunday April 21 20135:51:45 PM |
Finished M*A*S*H. New show: Veronica Mars. Cute so far. Only 3 seasons though, hmph.

Today is my Day of Homework. Its 5:45pm. I have so far, woken up, watched two episodes, made some eggs. Hmm.

I'll get to homework eventually.
Might as well give myself a lay-out on here.
I have to:

- figure out how to do interview/ assessment
- Make interview questions
- write section of paper on developmental stage
- write discussion post for 402
- finish reading guide questions

yeah. We'll see how that goes.

I did something to my wrist, i don't know what. And the wind slammed a car door into my ankle. So. Ow.

I was going to plant my tomatoes today. But.. homework. Grrr.

Hi yall.
Whats shaking?

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Its been a long day YT. - Mood:Good
Wednesday April 17 20138:39:06 PM |
I went to class. Got extremely triggered by the discussion.
Freaked out. Emailed my professor in a less than stable state. Paced around empty classroom.
Rode home.
Put on my "I'm fine" face, went to the movies with my Gram. Saw Great and Powerful Oz. Was cute.
Got bunch of leftovers from gram and mom. And donuts, mm.
Gram brought fertilizer for my plants How sweet.
They are coming along!

Went to campus to treat my bf to dinner (have to use up meal plan). Twas lovely. Played cards.
Came home.
Took off shoes and "I'm fine" face.

Got emailed back from professor
Still not fine, but not as unstable as this morning.
Don't know what to say back to her.

Have exam Friday I'm freaking out about. I don't know why? I think its displaced freaking out from this morning. Which i just can't shake.

Uncrazy me YT.

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Find me a pretty plaid dress YT - Mood:Good
Monday April 15 20139:10:32 PM |
I feel like doing some Windows shopping.

We burned sh*t in group today. Literally. Though not sh*t, paper. That was.. smokey. And symbolic and sh*t, and didn't do much for me.

Was nice out though. Went from 44 to 72 in about 3 hours. That was.. odd for clothing choices.

I skimmed thru boring reading then took an online quiz and got 100%. Either I am brilliant or lucky.

I got a few snacks for going to the movies.

I hope we don't starve.

Though, I already ate the half moon cookie. Movie Wednesday, with me Gram

Wish i could find the dress on Smash for <$200.

Relationships are tiring and frustrating. Social interaction rather, really.

I say actually, really, and though a lot. Like. A lot. I have to proofread papers JUST for 'though' abuse.

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Made my schedule for next semester. And didn`t even have to wake up at 6am to do it. - Mood:Good
Wednesday April 10 20131:07:19 PM |
Boyfriend is crazy and wakes up at 6am to make his schedule, the second it opens. I slept til 11:30am and consider this to be registering 'when it opens'. I was the first person in most of what I registered for anyway.


Looks good to me.

Therapeutic Rec and bio are going to kick my ass. So i surrounded them with easy enjoyable classes

I have the day off today! Or rather, didn't have class this morning, due to Scholars Day. Classes are suspended and there are seminars and such presented by students all over campus.
Usually I'm required to go for one class or another but not this semester. Which is annoying actually, because i know a few people presenting, unlike past years.

I have discovered I have good laptop bearing hips.

I want summer. Hurry warm weather.

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I find myself with a tape measure on my bathroom floor. - Mood:Good
Tuesday April 09 201312:12:58 PM |
I feel all.. old I have a bathroom. I want to cover this bathroom with bath mats. I misjudged the size and bought two new bath rugs this weekend that just.. don't do it. I still have a 15x32 bare space that is cold on my feets. Depending on how i arrange these mats.
Oh YT. Its bad I have three mats in there right now, all of different size, thickness, color, etc.

Do they even make 15x15 bath rugs?

I have a price limit of like 6$ each as well

I may need to go to walmart or big lots or something and just trim down a rug.

But i'm impatient so i am looking online.

I have a day off tomorrow

I am watching a Voice marathon.

I am about to make eggs.

Are you redecorating any household things?
Its spring!

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I came to YT today to tell you i`m not going to be on YT today. - Mood:Good
Monday April 08 201311:32:31 AM |
Not really. I'm not that self important.
Plus I will be on YT today.

I have a sh*t ton of homework to do in the 3 ish hours before my next class so i had a glimmer of 'aww, no YT today."
then thought.. f*ck that.
Plus YT is so dead nowadays it really doesn't take up any time.

YT i feel bad.
We went to a restaurant yesterday and i got chicken florentine. It wasn't very good. So i started eating the baked potato. The waitress ccame and said "don't like the chicken?" I said it6 was alright, she argued, said your not eating it you must like like it, i said it was fine, she was like no no, if you don't like it get something else, lemme bring you the menu.
She was all nice and such. But i feel bad for not liking the chicken I come from a family of 'you choke it down'. She insisted though. So i got a turkey club to go and she took the chicken off the bill.


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YT I feel more sane today. - Mood:Good
Saturday April 06 201312:53:40 PM |
Its been a lovely day of nothing.

I have eaten bunches of things.

Haven't had to bike anywhere.
Don't feel overly self destructive.

Did my nails. About to shower. Watching a HIMYM marathon since i'm like.. 6 episodes behind.

Will watch SVU marathon after that since i am about 5 episodes behind on that too.

I woke up at like 6am, looked at my watch, yelled at my body and mind, and went back to sleep til 9:30am.

I want a M*A*S*H shirt.
This one
But i can't afford to buy anything I don't need right now. Sadness.

Someone give me a job.

Anyone out there today?
I miss active YT.

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I`m having a dilemma in my mind. - Mood:Good
Friday April 05 20133:35:27 PM |
That is so not YT friendly.

And i find myself mad at people for it. When they didn't do anything.

My bf especially.


Things were so much simpler when single.

Oh YT.

Is anyone actually out there anyway?

I'm hungry. But everything i eat kills my stomach.

YT, make the world go away.

I'm trying!

But i can't.

Stupid consequences.


Anyone wanna go on vacation with me?
Lets go somewhere warm and tropical.

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I locked myself out of my apartment with no shoes, leopard print pj pants on, and potatoes in the oven - Mood:Good
Thursday April 04 20135:41:29 PM |

I was being a good neighbor!

I got mail for the person across the hall. I slipped out to slide it under their door and my door closed behind me I was on my bluetooth talking to my mom thankfully. I hung up with her, voice commanded to call the office. But the office was closed.

I called mom back, she has a spare key, so she drove it out here. I have rock hard potatoes now. At least they didn't set the apt on fire or anything


I feel like death. Mentally and physically. Mostly physically. I don't know wtf is wrong with me.
My stomach is freakin out. I feel all fall-y feeling, and spacey. I'm tired even though i slept 7 hours and then took a 3 hour nap.


At least i'm back in my apt.

Remind me not to return anyones mail again.

I want to take tmrw off. But if i skip my counseling apt i think they will send people after me.


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My heart and I have decided to end it all, Soon there`ll be flowers and prayers that are sad, I know. Let them not weep, Let them know that I`m glad to go. - Mood:Good
Wednesday April 03 201311:48:27 AM |
Should I bump up my minor to be a major? I need 6 more classes in psych to do so. I have 4 more classes over 2 semesters for my rec major anyway (some offered only in fall/ spring). Its do-able. Thoughts on double majoring?

YT, I find self-preservation annoying. I wish I could turn it off. I wish I could turn off that bit of me that holds onto sanity and life. I feel like a failure at being crazy.

I got yelled at in group By the other members, for putting up walls and not revealing anything about myself. Pbth. My reaction is they can f*ck off. I’ll put down my walls when and if I damn please and if that’s not good enough, they can group without me. Which seems over-reactive . But I like my walls. I don’t think I could un-do them if I wanted to.

So YT.
Do I want to follow the crazy or the sanity? I want the crazy. But that damn bit of me holds onto sanity. Make it go away.

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