This is what i do. This is what i DO. This is what i`ve done for the past 11 years. Its so easy. Just take the sharp object, apply, press.... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of NicolesLove | mood: Good

Shall I add to YTs mental health issues? Yes. I think i shall.

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13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 1:58:44 PM EST (GMT-5)
This is what i do. This is what i DO. This is what i've done for the past 11 years. Its so easy. Just take the sharp object, apply, press. I can't right now. GOD i want to. so bad. I want to slice my wrist f*cking OFF. But i can't even cut my thigh. Wtf.
I want to hide in a ditch somewhere, cover myself in a thatch of leaves. So my way of doing that, bleeding. But My body won't let me. My fingers won't do it. Let me. Please let me. Get me high. Let me bleed. Let me feel the release, let me so too far and pass out. Please Please let me.
I can't do this. i can't. I can't take this. Obviously. something gonna snap. I don't want it to be me. I don't want to lose freedom. Sanity. Whatever i still have.
Let me bleed god f*cking motherf*cking dammit.
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:00:02 PM EST (GMT-5)
How about a hug instead?
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:00:36 PM EST (GMT-5)
wow, um smile?
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:04:25 PM EST (GMT-5)
See a doctor, asap.
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:05:07 PM EST (GMT-5)
I'll refer you to my self inflicted 400 degree grill weight burns in the "EmFanForever" post below this. as well as my coctail of pills photo.
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:05:12 PM EST (GMT-5)
gfy
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:09:10 PM EST (GMT-5)
This kind of release spreads. I used to not really do anything to release my pain until I saw my wife burning herself with cigarettes (her form of "cutting").

I mean, I have always beat the sh*t out of inatimate objects like mailboxes and cupboards and walls (whatever was closest to me at the time), but I was never into causing pain to myself until the one time I burned myself with the hot end of a lighter.

Just the one time made me realize the pull towards it. It really helps release the pain you feel. But woah is it dangerous.
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:13:47 PM EST (GMT-5)
nah, just keep lots of burn ointment, lidocaine, and anti-bac. on hand, you'll be fine.
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:17:41 PM EST (GMT-5)
Seems like we're a lot of loonies online tognight. Might be yesterday's full moon...
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:24:02 PM EST (GMT-5)
Good for you, for not giving in.
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:28:10 PM EST (GMT-5)
Every part of my brain wants to. My fingers just won't cooperate.

Theres other things i could do though. which i would be doing. but i have to go home in 3 days for my sisters party. other things leave far less subtle evidence.

i still haven't ruled out slicing the f*ck out of my wrists though.

I'm being a 'responsible" motherf*cker though and called the damn counseling center. wtf can they do though. but it least it looks good if i get taken. that i tried.
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:40:11 PM EST (GMT-5)
It's not dealing with the issue, though, is it? It sounds like you're making it hurt less in your head by making yourself hurt more elsewhere. I wish there was some other way for you to lighten the load, tbh - and people to help you get there.
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:41:45 PM EST (GMT-5)
So the f*ck do i.

sorry for swearing at you chips
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:46:47 PM EST (GMT-5)
Oh, good God, I'm British. Swearing at someone is a sign of affection in my country.
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:48:05 PM EST (GMT-5)
Haha
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:48:24 PM EST (GMT-5)
oh Nicole,l we all love you and want you to feel better! Talking about it helps, why not PM me or talk to someone!
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:50:50 PM EST (GMT-5)
Oh blu, i missed trivia Damn suicidal thoughts. Getting in the way of trivia, thats just not right.

13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:53:10 PM EST (GMT-5)
no it is not!
13 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Wednesday 11/12/08 - 2:56:02 PM EST (GMT-5)
Oh Nicole....
Please feel better. And thank you for not actually doing it. Or should I thank your fingers?



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