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tell me what you think of this - Mood:Good

Tuesday May 21 20136:29:22 PM |

it might be my new favourite. so cute. i wish i could sleep at night... my bum opening cat kept waking me up even after i calmed down enough to sleep. i cut class and slept all day and had a lot of bad dreams. i wish i could communicate to my pets that i can't give them people food. they don't udnerstand and they just think i'm being an bum opening for not sharing. i need scruffy lad to come over and rub his scruff all over my neck. then i'll feel better.

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ok internet friends i legitimately need your help on this one - Mood:Good

Monday May 20 20139:54:18 PM |

i was kinda hesitant to tlak about this one cause it's embarrassing but let's face it you guys have probably seen much more embarrassing stuff from me my fear of the dark has been getting very bad lately. i think it's partly because i looked at some scary stuff a little while ago (dumbest idea. i used to do that a lot and was pretty messed up for a while) so like, i've had to sleep with a lamp on and everything, have my cat in the room with me and my dog guarding the outside of my door, etc. walking up the stairs at night makes me almost cry because the light above them is busted. it's kinda started extending into my life again as a bit of agoraphobia. especially when i'm alone (walking down to the bus in the morning, cause i live in the boonies with a bunch of fields nearby) but nights are getting so bad

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how did i end up on a page telling me how to say "who`s your daddy" in different languages - Mood:Good

Monday May 20 20135:44:16 PM |

i recently have noticed how adorable my nether regions are! he doesn't know what he's missing. my wifi's been on and off today with a rainstorm so my productivity has gone up quite a bit. maybe sometime i'll quit the internet for a week or so and see just what happens. currently doing Catcher in the Rye for english. she basically just told us to read at our own pace and answer questions. it's sad how much i identify with the whole "i want to talk to someone but there's nobody" thing sometimes. hi

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have you ever had to stealthily throw your dildo under your bed - Mood:Good

Monday May 20 201312:27:40 AM |

because it was hidden under your pillow and your boyfriend happened to be in your bed?! ok but that was embarrassing. we spent the night holding hands while i read a book and he watched the game. it felt so married-couple-y i have this one eyelash that has grown downward since i was like 11. IT'S THE WORST i cut my bangs today. my long weekend is full of love, so far. i might apply at KFC as a second job if my current boss would be ok with that. how is your long weekend? if it's not a long weekend how was your regular weekend?

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i had a dream i was making the oral sex to Boxxy. - Mood:Good

Friday May 17 20135:23:14 PM |

remember when Boxxy happened? i just went and watched her most recent video oh god her makeup just no anyway, in my dream she was cute. you want to marry roger from 101 dalmations, don't lie. i look and feel great today. it's sunny and great outside and may long and ah guys it feels good 17 school days left until i'm freeeeeee

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I JUST READ A SCARY COMIC - Mood:Good

Thursday May 16 201310:38:26 PM |

oh lord i don't feel okay i'm more okay than the last time i did something dumb like that because i'm not under a ridiculous amount of stress. anyway idk if this comic is safe to post here but you guys should PM me cause it was so interesting also crossies! hoping to lose my v card tonight??

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gonna start actively participating in masturbation month. - Mood:Good

Wednesday May 15 20135:49:55 PM |

how bout you? i just haven't been masturbating enough lately.

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i kinda miss making 1200 a month at DQ - Mood:Good

Sunday May 12 201311:35:59 PM |

now i make a pathetic amount, lol my dad made me feel bad for not getting grad photos and is acting all surprised saying he didn't know about them. i didn't get them because he didn't believe i would be graduating i'm in a constant state of almost crying today i have so much baggage that i want to talk to brian about but he wasn't able to see me today. lol, that kind of sounds like he's a therapist who cancelled an appointment i feel like i'm such a mess.

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i love you so much that it hurts my head - Mood:Good

Sunday May 12 20133:21:17 AM |

i let the bad parts in, the bad parts in i look and feel like hell lately. hopefully just because of this infection + the antibiotics. hopefully also i'm not getting sicker than i think i am hopefully also i feel like myself soon i've been scared and paranoid for no reason whatsoever that my ex is going to show up (try to talk to me or actually physically be here which is lol) i feel actually really crazy lately not even comfortably depressed just scared and paranoid and low & the time is almost coming to tell my boyfriend all of my secrets i don't remember why i think we were talking about secrets tonight but if i say everything it will probably change the context of 90% of our relationship and i'm not saying that in a "oh god i wanna tell him but i cannnnnn't" way actually kind of yes i did my mock trial today but it feels like it was a week ago ...

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sup - Mood:Good

Saturday May 11 20131:07:20 AM |

would talk about some pretty wonderful dirty beautiful things but u guys where would i start instead i would just like to mention that i think i turned him kinky a lil. & i get super turned on when he covers my mouth and does things and i scream into his hand and he looks me in the eyes and says shhhhh he generally is lovely. i was feeling really messed up and sad/scared last night and he was really gentle and offered to be there and was so concerned and i just guys congratulations aren't in order as my friend would put it aka we haven't done it but maybe someday soon also the antibiotics i'm on make me feel like i felt the first few weeks of seroquel. i don't even remember how school was today. i can't have apple or orange or any dairy products within x hours of taking it. its extremely strong. hi

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crying at steve wilkos and also giving blood - Mood:Good

Tuesday May 07 20137:31:19 PM |

... not at the same time this episode, man... i wanna hug the brother that might be a triggering video i'm giving blood for the first time on tuesday. i've checked and i'm pretty sure i'll be able to with my medications and junk. i wish i lived in a place that had a year-round blood donor clinic so i could keep going. why not? since (i believe) i had to receive blood as a kid i guess i feel i have to. it's a beautiful day. i think i'll jog later my mock trial is on saturday!

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well that went from bad to worse - Mood:Good

Sunday May 05 20136:31:18 PM |

my dad came home earlier than expected last night while my boyfriend was still there so i awkwardly made him leave. my dad didn't yell at me or talk to me so i thought it was fine. today i woke up with a UTI (unrelated) but had to go to town to get a refill on my birth control i generally feel like hell obviously my dad took me to a restaurant and literally within a minute he said about 4 things to make fun of me. i don't think he said anything else to this waitress besides (hi) after the 4th assholish thing he said i went to the truck and cried for a long time. eventually texted my mom to come get me because i can't stop crying and i couldn't walk cause of the uti. now i'm just at my mom's and i talked to her for a long time about it and she made me feel a lot better but i'm still really upset. he wasn't even saying anything worse than usual, i just think i've had enough i'm so upset

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nakey is good! nakey is free! - Mood:Good

Tuesday April 30 20133:38:53 PM |

if you're feeling nakey you're still alive i got almost nakey with a fella. but also i was so sleepy i could hardly form a coherent sentence but kept telling him to stay. lol we keep trying to watch movies but somehow miss it. he did cry at seven pounds yesterday though. i just saw a tweet "Go to Europe. Tell everyone for the next eight years about how it changed your life and how you’re definitely going to move there someday." my bad! it is a bit brisk out there. windy + rainy. i think my road will be washed out this week. i accidentally my education again but i'll get back on track sup bitches

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there was an explosion at the mill my dad works at. - Mood:Good

Monday April 29 20137:02:31 PM |

no one was hurt but holy F*********CK!!! my dad and a bunch of my boyfriends friends were working. (they hire high school graduates as guards and such) the manager (who happens to be my best friend's dad, oops) is tryin to cover it up but since someone already went to the paper with this... damn. when my dad left for work earlier he was like "i'll call later and tell you what's really going on" I WAS REALLY WORRIED & then when he called and told me, i started crying before he said nobody was hurt. cause brian and i dropped his friend off to work last night and ahhhhggghghhh scary!! my mom texted me "hey. just wondering. is your boyfriend the kind of guy who wears low pants and shows off his underwear?" love u mum hey guys

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I FOUND A SCARY THING - Mood:Good

Sunday April 28 20132:12:54 AM |

nope nope nope nope nope spent the day with brian he made me steak we made out a lot and other gross things i'm afraid to have him over because last night my sister had her boyfriend over and tonight they're staying in a hotel because my dad flipped woman is 23 years old and can't have her boyfriend over i wish i could explain to my dad that brian doesn't wanna do that but he would completely not understand and would tell everyone and literally no also, i finally made it through les mis after 4 tries (kept getting interrupted) as a pre-movie fan seeing colm wilkinson in that made me bawl especially at the end god dammit i can't sleep again because i don't have my pills again hey guys

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I`M SO GLAD YOU`RE HOME. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. - Mood:Good

Saturday April 27 201312:38:06 AM |

i've been dying to use this gif somewhere but nobody's come up with a good enough burn lately i'm incredibly happy. just incredibly happy and happy and happy and happy and it's like he was never even gone and i'm looking forward to our summer together and i'm so excited

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help me get back to sleep - Mood:Good

Friday April 26 20135:14:37 AM |

i dunno which bum opening just turned on the phone messages and listened to them but now i'm awake. im feeling pretty sick from stress and sh&t tonight and am out of my medication. im hoping to dick around for 15 minutes then try again to sleep but i'm kinda upset that i can't do a normal "person" thing like sleep without being completely drugged out every single night

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i was told today that my eye-bags weren`t as bad as normal - Mood:Good

Thursday April 25 20134:52:13 PM |

thank.... you? last night i only had 25mg of seroquel instead of the normal 75. brian is 16 hours away BEEP BEEP PANIC PANIC HE COULD BE HOME TOMORRO WMORNING AT 7?!?!??!! his sister just texted me "i think being nervous about your boyfriend is an early sign of an abusive relationship" would it be appropriate for me to cut class tomorrow?

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i was called a slut after school today - Mood:Good

Wednesday April 24 20136:09:08 PM |

idk who it was. didn't look, just kept walking ok while signing up my boyfriend to be a guest for graduation, i felt semi weird cause i had to list his age. then i saw some other entries i get congratulated by my anthro teacher every day for all of my hard work. i only have a few more things to do for english i'm trying to grow my hair long enough to strangle someone hey

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blah i hate seeing sh*t like this on facebook - Mood:Good

Tuesday April 23 201310:35:35 PM |

what canada are you living in?? :l in other news, i met with my mock trial team + the crown attourney who's coaching us. it was pretty cool! our side is really coming together. my dress shipped today, says its going to be here monday. i will be very impressed if it is. my goal for the end of the semester is to have an 80% average in school instead of my 66%. i'm pretty sure it's up to 70 now though hey

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i just heard my dad talking about me on the phone - Mood:Good

Sunday April 21 201310:40:37 PM |

.. i thought it was gonna be bad but it was actually really good and now i kinda realize that people have noticed how hard i'm trying and that the opinions of people on the internet are not nearly as important as the opinions of the people i care about (no offense but.. you get me. family and friends) ((but also, offense, because some people have been bum openings about it)) anyway, just gonna keep on working super hard. we've been getting a lot of snow. worried cause my boyfriend's dad is leaving wednesday to get him. worried about stuff generally. anxiety is going "!!!!!!" hay hay hay my friend gave me oblivion... now i'm hooked. sh*t

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Things You`re Looking Forward To - Mood:Good

Sunday April 21 20132:26:30 PM |

- school tomorrow (i've started actually looking forward to it. weird) - i ordered my dress last night, looking forward to getting that! - 5 sleeps until brian comes home - i'm actually seriously going to graduate!! - working at the drivein this summer you?

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i have a 66 average. - Mood:Good

Wednesday April 17 201310:30:55 PM |

that is BEFORE all the work i've done after wednesdayish. oh god. if i can get my grade up like that, YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE. ps everyone who told me there was no hope, hi my boyfriend's dad said he didn't want any extra bodies on the way to pick him up (aka me and B's sister), and i respect that. need to stay home and do school and work and junk anyway. my mom and i had a talk when she gave me a ride home, so that was cool. my nails are getting long. i'm dying + cutting my hair this weekend so i can be purdy. excited to see him!! watch this

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The Happy Thread - Mood:Good

Tuesday April 16 201310:47:05 PM |

no drama here folks why are you happy today? i am happy because lee pace, 10 sleeps until my boyfriend is home, a guidance counselor gave me a gear4grads flyer today. its for graduates who don't have the money or w/e for a dress and i have the money but it was a very kind gesture and a very snuggly kitty you?

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smiling + "real" photos - Mood:Good

Sunday April 14 201312:29:09 AM |

i've been smiling so much at people. trying to smile at everyone i see. today i went to a toastmasters speech contest and then volunteered at a concert. at the concert i was extremely happy and polite and smiley with everybody and it was like it was contagious. lately i've been taking a lot of 'real' photos of myself, as you've probably noticed. less posed sitting in my room on my own. instead taking photos of real legitimate happiness when i'm with friends. because that's just as "me" as posed photos. and i need to start accepting myself more. and that means accepting. just accepting. ya feel me? also, an old dude at toastmasters asked if i have trouble sucking face because my nose ring gets in the way.

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