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Female, 18-29
, NC, Eastern US

  Offline - Last On: 28 mins ago

9 Buddies
30 Subscribers
9,113 Profile Views
8,042 Posts | Member Since: 2/19/2013
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Hombre Lobo en Paris La Union

Interests: Philosophy / Music / Feminism / Animals / TV
Homepage: Click Here
IM Type: (Decline to State) IM Name:
Occupation: listening
Marital Status: (Decline to State)
Sexual Preference: Straight
Religion: Agnostic
Politics: Liberal
Fav. Movie: Spirit of the Beehive
Fav. TV Show: Veep
Fav. Book: Escape from Freedom
Fav. Song: Turnover - Fugazi
Fav. Food: chickpeas
Fav. Car: station wagons
Theme 'Orange' created by orangefanta
Active Journal Entries | Archived Journal Entries

Challenges - Mood:Good
Monday June 11 20187:19:44 AM |
Waking up next to boyfriend means you can't just sleepily let out a fart in the morning but being half.asleep.means you don't remember there's a boyfriend next to you
You may need a buffer period for your half conscious mind to adjust to.not being single
Or maybe it's time for the fart conversation relationship milestone're not big on farting, this is a terrifying period

Second challenge is in continuation somewhat abrupt work resignation. I have to write a farewell letter to coworkers partners. Feel like I'm leaving so much halfway done. The co-worker letter should be easy enough to draft but the community partner one is all other .social.workers serving families with limited English proficiency in the county - my collaborators and confidants. Hard to type through the mental block of letting everyone down..

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Blowing this popsicle joint - Mood:Good
Wednesday June 06 20187:35:45 PM |
I turned in my resignation letter today.
Last say of official work will be...

in exactly 4 weeks: July 4

this was after like a billion meetings with supervisor and ED. I had thought colleagues and I would get to confront them and had some great brazen exchanges with them

But then I learned enough people didn't want to engage in collective action

So at their behest I just quit

Anyway I am excited enough about the new job and about to embrace the disoriented transitional feeling again.

Here comes the freefall

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How to do this - Mood:Good
Sunday June 03 20188:56:55 AM |
It's been the worst week and a half for chores
Debilitated last weekend from being sick
Then work and interviews and doctor visits
Yesterday I hung out with coworkers in the afternoon
And a volunteer who is leaving the agency in the evening

Today I'm supposed to have coffee with someone from okc
I planned to tell him i couldn't see him romantically
Was going to do this in person because we've hung out a few times and I led him to think we would date
We kissed at one point

Then at night was going to see the person I want to see monogamously

Question is
Do I take advantage of my day to get ny stuff done and do it over the phone ? Save his drive, time and coffee money?

Do it in person and reschedule seeing the guy I'm into?

Go see both and let my house disintegrate from the dust? (Not an actual option)

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interview with a Martian - Mood:Good
Wednesday May 30 201810:52:18 AM |
Pretty sure I bombed it.

Made up the presentation in the car
Was nervous about my impromptu presentation during q and a
Flubbed the presentation and ran out of time
Thinking about the terrible q and a I basically trashed my colleague's program (she works where I interviewed) TO HER FACE without meaning to
Then walked out while mispronouncing everything

Before going in I told the ED what happened (medical emergency, was running in from the hospital) just very matter-of-factly and offered to reschedule
But we didn't
And now I've sent a detailed thanks/follow up to three of the interviewers acknowledging what I wish had gone differently and offering any additional info they need

Prayer for judgment basically
We'll see
Fluffing up the resume again to take my mind off it

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My first ticket <3. - Mood:Good
Friday May 25 20188:18:22 AM |
Last night I got home tired from a volunteer gig
called off a date out of stress
Ordered Indian food delivery (tikka masala ftw)
tried to make it to the library and back before food arrived
Good arrived before I found the book
Called delivery driver who said he would wait
Jumped in car
Saw a stop sign and thought, wow I almost didnt see it. There was a kid at the crosswalk. Glad I'm such a safe driver. Go me.
Oh hey that car is weirdly flashing its hazards or something
Oh hey there's a cop car behind me
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Eating caramels - Mood:Good
Sunday May 13 20187:01:43 PM |
Self destructive impulse of choice lately has been the online date
Maybe seven in the past 2 weeks

They're alright guys
Charming and sticky sweet
I try to seem impressed and they shoot back looks of rapture
Everyone's very captivated until we're alone in the dark
Weighing whether it's worth the effort to send another text

Fling last night after a can and a half of PBR
Said he designed a backdrop for fashion week in nyc
And took the lsat for other people to make money in college, read through the DSM to do an ex -girlfriend's social work homework
Traveled the world and "surfed and stuff"

But didn't speak a sentence of any other language
Or know the difference between being antisocial and having the personality disorder
Seemed lost when I asked for tips on logic games for the LSAT.

I f*cked him anyway
Woke up late this afternoon

And have heavier blues than usual this Sunday

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Day off! - Mood:Good
Friday May 04 201810:32:34 AM |
Wake up and wish your nose zit good morning!

Dress for a nice day of nerding out!

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Cried at work again today and am now just sitting here feeling numb - Mood:Good
Friday April 27 20187:06:25 PM |
No escaping issues sometimes
Worst part is this happened in front of a big meeting that was running long and that I was (failing at) leading
Overwhelmed but unaware until I choked and couldn't form sentences
The choking up is happening again and again more frequently. Head feels like mush

Two weeks ago again in front of a date
He faded away soon after meeting my paralyzed self
Said godspeed to him last Friday
Wasn't good for me anyway
But I'm not used to scaring people off

I don't want to call friends or family and burden them, just feel wired and weary.
Adderall turns me off playing music
So not much of a way of letting it out
Thought maybe to read the marks imprinted here by my hand
I am here hello
Hello hello hello

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