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Male, 50 years old
Clarksville , TN, Southern US

  Offline - Last On: 3hrs ago

32 Buddies
34 Subscribers
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16,057 Posts | Member Since: 2/28/2004
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Echoes Pink Floyd
A short version but the best I could find

Interests: Cars / Writing / Science / History / Cats
Homepage: Click Here
Birthday:8/1/1969 (50 Years Old)
IM Type: (Decline to State) IM Name:
Occupation: Wastewater treatment plant opperator
Marital Status: Single
Sexual Preference: Straight
Religion: Atheist
Politics: Moderate
Fav. Movie: Jacobs Ladder
Fav. TV Show: Air Wolf
Fav. Book: Winds of War/War and Remembrance by H. Wouk
Fav. Song: Echos- Pink Floyd
Fav. Food: pizza
Fav. Car: 69 Lincoln Continental Mark III
Active Journal Entries | Archived Journal Entries

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I turned 50 today. - Mood:Good
Thursday August 01 201911:50:15 AM |
Half way to my goal of living to 100 and beating my great grandfather who lived to 99. They say God took him home at 99 because every time the grandkids asked how old he was he would lie and say 100.

I've been on staycation all week. I went boating on Saturday, cut my bushes down on Tuesday, and adjusted the valves on my
Honda today. Mainly I've just been relaxing.

I thought about this birthday a lot. 50 is a milestone but I don't feel any different. Oh well I guess it's all downhill from here.

I'm gonna have pizza and beer for my birthday dinner then go do a little bar hopping. Nothing fancy.

I see my kids tomorrow and they have something planned but I have no idea what it is.

I expect to get a few shirts for my birthday. That's what I've told people anytime they ask what I wanted.

Anybody else got a milestone coming up?

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I`m thinking about asking someone out. - Mood:Good
Thursday February 21 20198:50:18 PM |
She's like me. Not ugly, not pretty.

I'm not sexually attracted to her but I like her spitfire attitude and sense of humor. It also helps that she said she wants to suck my brains out.

I hesitate to ask her out because she's black and I'm white. I'm pretty sure our tastes in music won't line up. I really have no idea about black culture and I'm afraid of saying or doing something stupid.

I'm probably just making excuses because I'm afraid to get in a relationship.

I'm depressed.

I want to be happy.

It's a real possibility she could help me be happy but

Ok I'll admit it. I'm afraid of caring again.

There are 65 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

It has come to my attention that I`m quieter than normal - Mood:Good
Saturday September 01 201812:04:20 PM |
My boss said "You're awfully quiet this week. Is everything ok?"
My sister said "You're not saying much. Is something wrong?"
A lurker got in touch with another lurker who messaged me to ask why I wasn't posting much on YT.

I don't know.

I'm not feeling depressed more than usual, I just got nothing to say. Maybe spending all this time alone is destroying my language skills. Maybe I don't feel like I have anything original to say. Yesterday I answered my sister in cliches because I felt the social pressure to hold up my end of the conversation. I still got a few laughs but my heart wasn't in it.

My gut response is to say I just have nothing to add, just leave me be. But when I reflect it feels nice that people are concerned.

Maybe I'm on my way to depression or maybe not.

Does anyone else have times where they clam up?

Come out of your shells and talk to me.

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The things I can not change - Mood:Good
Sunday June 03 201812:34:30 PM |
If you hadn't noticed I can be quite the bum opening when I'm depressed.

I like to say depression is the reason for it but most people will say it's an excuse.




Does it really matter when the result is the same? I end up hurting the people I care about when they get to see the vile things I'm capable of thinking.

I'm having a hard time accepting that I'll be alone for the rest of my life, but really, it's for the best.

No one deserves having to deal with me.

There are 65 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I`m beginning to suspect I`m not as handsome as ai think I am. - Mood:Good
Friday March 30 201812:01:05 AM |
Either that or or I suck at starting conversations.

Or I'm too picky for my own good.

Could be my crazy shows through.

Whatever it is I'm not having much luck on okcupid.

I don't tv like the people who like me and the people I like never message back. I think one of the problems is that the women I like have college degrees and I'm a poo plant opererator. That's what happens when you're left leaning in Tennessee.

I'm on beer 5. AMA.

There are 63 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Uber left, Efag has gone soft so snarf steps into the void - Mood:Good
Friday March 16 201810:50:14 PM |
Believe it or not I started being a dick because I was manic.

I'm getting better because of the meds being upped, thanks for asking.

But I'm not going to go back to the way I was. I held back too much, afraid to offend.

Imma use this place as a pressure release valve.

There's still things I think that I won't post here because they're unnecessarily mean but I will let you in on more of what goes on inside my crazy little head all the time

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Day 61 no smoking. New record. Also, I can be an bum opening. - Mood:Good
Saturday February 24 201811:55:36 PM |
I haven't smoked a cigarette since Christmas. Vaping is my crutch so I don't light up. After I make it to 90 days I'll start weaning off if vaping. I'm pretty sure I'm done smoking but getting totally free of nicotine? Not so sure. After 30 years of addiction I know it won't be easy. I see myself quitting vaping and going back to it multiple times before I'm sucessful.
There are 34 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I need help making a graph in excel - Mood:Good
Saturday December 30 20172:53:00 PM |
I know next to nothing about excel so I'm asking the hive mind for assistance.

I need to plot a graph that has a value between 0 and 1000 and show it over time. Hopefully the picture in the next post explains it better.

It's for the settleometer test. That's where I pour mixed liquor(poop water) into a jar and record how much it has settled over time.

Anyh assistance will be appreciated.

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There`s no going back. - Mood:Good
Saturday December 16 20176:26:23 PM |
So I ran out of patches two weeks ago and went about a day and a half before I couldn't take it.The patches had kept the urge to smoke down to a dull roar but when i quit them it was like jumping off a cliff. I stopped at a truck stop with full intentions of buying cigarettes. Standing in line I saw Mark Ten disposable e-cigarettes. I bought those instead. My sister had quit by vaping and two guys at the project used it sucessfuly too.

It sort of worked but I was still craving cigarettes like mad. Add that to the fact that the disposable was costing me more than cigarettes- I almost gave up. The Mark Ten needed a refill so I stopped at the nearest gas station. They didn't carry it. Once again I almost bought smokes but I said no, I'll drive out to the truck stop where I know I can get them. On the way there I stopped by Fallout Vapor to see if they had them.

There are 59 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Almost done with day 46. - Mood:Good
Friday December 01 201711:26:02 PM |
Other sh*t going on so day 45 of not smoking wasn't on the top of my list yesterday. Makes me feel like I might make it to 90.
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My son`s first big screw up. - Mood:Good
Wednesday November 29 20175:23:14 PM |
About two weeks ago my daughter brought home a progress report. She went from 4 A's and 3 B's to 6 A's and a B. I was very pleased and proud. I asked my son "R" where his was. He said "6th graders get progress reports, 8th grade just gets a report card at the end of the semester.

This morning I get a text from my ex. "Unfortunately I have been misinformed by R about his recent performance in algebra. He currently has an F"

He had to get her to sign the progress report today or he would have been in detention this afternoon.

I'm not upset about algebra. I know if he applies himself he can get a passing grade no problem .What upsets me is that he lied to both of us .I understand the 14 year old mind He was embarrassed and didn't want to let us down and thought he could bring the grade up to passing by the end of the semester .

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After 30 years-30 days not smoking - Mood:Good
Thursday November 16 201712:23:26 PM |
The patches have helped but the support I've been getting has helped more. I truly appreciate it. It's a mental struggle as much if not more than it is a physical one. Sometimes I resist the urge because I remind myself I'm breathing easier. Sometimes it's because food tastes better. Sometimes it's because it will make it easier to get a date if I decide to do that. But usually it's because I don't want to let my friends down. Yeah, living longer is cool but without the respect of my friends it just wouldn't be worth it. I know no one would disown me if I started again but I don't want to disappoint my kids, family and friends. After all, I didn't decide to keep living for me so of course my motivation is outside.
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Nearly half way to my first major goal - Mood:Good
Tuesday October 31 20172:24:50 PM |
So it's past noon on day 15 of not smoking. The thought of getting to 30 days is a big motivator for me. Not sure if I should get myself something or just enjoy the accomplishment. Yes I'm counting chickens but I've never made it this far before without cheating so I'm really optimistic.

Taste is coming back. I'm putting less salt and pepper on things and it's still too much.

I'm where I want a cigarette but I don't need one.

I still get a little scatterbrained but for the most part I can concentrate. Glad that part is over.

So I guess I can start doing other things now instead of putting all my efforts into resisting.

There are 35 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I`ve made it a week. - Mood:Good
Tuesday October 24 20172:45:55 AM |
So I haven't smoked at all for a week, not even one puff. That's the longest I've quit in over 2 years .My all time record is 26 days and that's not even a real record. I cheated multiple times. That record is 26 days of trying to be quit .So in 20 more days I'll beat my false record .

Some of you might be getting tired of my quitting smoking updates but really that's the only thing I'm doing . I didn't do crap on my vacation except hang out with my dad and my friends .I couldn't concentrate enough to do anything productive .The last 2 days I've been at work but the withdrawals have subsided enough I didn't screw anything up thank goodness .

I just wanted to say thanks to everybody who has been supportive it really has helped . My new goal is to make it to double digits .I'm optimistic that will happen .

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The first day was successful - Mood:Good
Wednesday October 18 201712:25:22 PM |
I made it all day yesterday without smoking but today I had to put a patch on to keep from going insane .I don't know why the 2nd day is always harder for me.

My short term goal is to make it to 3 days without cheating I haven't done that all year

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So far so good - Mood:Good
Monday October 09 20178:10:18 PM |
So it's been a week since I started weaning myself off of cigarettes using the timer on my phone. I started with an hour after I finished smoking and now I'm up to an hour and a half and I haven't cheated once. I only smoked 11 yesterday.

I was talking to my friend and she challenged me to get it down to 5 before I quit next Tuesday. I think this is a great idea because adding 5 minutes has been pretty easy and quitting for good isn't easy. Also I need to get more practice telling myself no and I'll feel like I have more to lose when I'm tempted to cheat when I quit.

So starting tomorrow I'm going to add 15 minutes each day.

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I need help picking out a video game for my son`s 14th birthday - Mood:Good
Monday October 02 20178:36:41 PM |
He has an Xbox One and every Halo game there is. That's his favorite. The console came with Battlefield one he likes that too.

I'm not a gamer and I have absolutely no clue. Any help would be appreciated.

I asked his mom for a list of the games he has a week ago and she still hasn't got back with me. So if you guys could come up with the top 5 list or something I'll run the names by her and pick the highest ranking one he doesn't have

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So I failed again - Mood:Good
Monday October 02 20175:11:11 PM |
I've been trying to quit smoking every Sunday for the last month. I usually only make it a day or two. Yesterday was easy because there's not much going on at work and I had a friend I was texting all day to keep my mind off of smoking.

But today I was going crazy. I had to calibrate the pH meter 3 times before I got it right, I screwed up the paperwork multiple times, I forgot to turn off the sump pumps and start the waste and my boss had to tell me to do things over and over again.

So after lunch I gave up and bought a couple packs.

My concentration is sh*t when I'm trying to quit.

I can't put into words how bad I want to quit so I come up with this solution. Jackie is going on vacation next week and when he gets back on Tuesday the 17th I'm going on vacation. I'm taking off Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday then I get my regular days Friday and Saturday off.

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So I checked out for like a year or so. - Mood:Good
Wednesday September 20 20177:35:58 PM |
Since before I moved in this house in December I've been doing the bare minimum. Go to work, get home and lay in the bed watching TV until I fall asleep. There was quite a few weeks I skipped mowing the lawn. And quite a few nights I didn't eat because it was too much effort to throw a TV dinner in the microwave.

Funny thing is at the time I didn't think I was depressed.I guess I've climbed a little higher out of the pit of despair and looking down on where I was isn't pretty.

I wish I could put a finger on what made me start climbing up again. I think the trigger was looking down on the pony keg I'm carrying and deciding to get rid of it.

Getting up and moving is a good thing. I've always heard exercise was good for you mentally and now I'm a believer. Last night I didn't sleep well and I didn't want to do anything today.

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It was all Cuck`s fault. - Mood:Good
Tuesday September 19 20179:58:37 AM |
So I see this mildly amusing picture on Facebook that says something like "Why you should lock down your WiFi at work". It showed a restaurant menu screen with a woman sitting on a man's face. I thought to myself "Cuck ought to get a chuckle out of this.

So I posted.

The next day I had a warning. Then 3 days later I'm banned for a month. Double jeopardy. Someone got their panties in a wad and wouldn't drop it after the initial punishment.

I'm not sorry. All it showed was the side of an ass and good riding technique.

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So Andrew pick me out a haircut - Mood:Good
Wednesday August 16 20179:18:38 PM |
The total eclipse is going to pass over Clarksville and I wanted to bring my kids to see it. I can't get a chaperone because my sister has to work Monday. It will be too hot for my mom because she has an enlarged heart.

I texted my ex and told her I wanted to see the eclipse with them but since I can't could she try to make sure they see it anyway?

Still haven't heard back.

So I'm going to make the eclipse a turning point in my life. Quit smoking, loose weight, eat right, exercise, and get sh*t done instead of laying on my ass. I've said all this before. Time to do it.

I need a new haircut to go with my new persona. I like my USMC regulation haircut but I'm open to suggestions.

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I put on a roof that will probably out last me - Mood:Good
Sunday April 30 20179:27:44 AM |
Pics in the next post because I never have figured out how to do it in the first post.

I lost a few tabs off the asphalt shingles when a big storm came through about two weeks ago and I decided replacing was better than repairing. I knew it needed a new roof when I bought it. It appraised for $112,000 and I paid $105,000 so I left myself some wiggle room.

I had a 40 year grade 1 steel roof put on by my neighbor. I'll be 87 by the time the roof needs replaced again so it will probably outlast me.

Paid about $3300 materials and $1000 labor. James saved me a couple thousand. It's great when you know the right people.

I'm very happy with the job he did and James said "Don't be surprised if it lasts 60 years.

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He erased her name on the overpass - Mood:Good
Thursday March 23 20179:00:54 PM |
Love lost in Kentucky requires white paint and a roller.

Her name was there a few weeks ago but when I looked up today it was gone.

The city told me to remove a dead tree from my property and they estimated it to cost $1000. How the f*ck are you supposed to know a tree is dead when you buy the place in December? It took a month and a half of people not returning my call or saying they'd look at it then ghosting but I finally got someone to do it. Chop the tree, haul it away and grind the stump for $500.

Win right?


The tree is gone but my dad hit me up for $500 the next day. He says he'll pay me back $50/month starting next month. We'll see.

I also just loaned Kenny $2000 for a car because his Explorer started using a gallon of coolant every 50 miles and is wasn't leaking. (Probable blown head gasket). He should start paying me back $400 every two weeks soon.

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I may be slipping. - Mood:Good
Sunday February 05 20179:40:04 AM |
So I've been getting this weird feeling of premonition mixed with dejavu about once a week for the past month. It's hard to explain. I could hear something, see something, or smell something and then I have the thought that I need to be careful because something bad could happen soon. Or maybe even something that Leeds to something good but that's rare. It's a lot like a premonition but I feel like I've gone through it before. Like I'm looking back on my life that's already happened and I'm trying to warn myself so I can change the outcome.

I've had these feelings before right before going to the hospital for a nice stay in the mental ward. But I've also had them and continued on with my life as normal.

I would have put this and mental health but I need to get my thoughts down on what's Happening and maybe have a record that someone can make sense of later.

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Been out in the garage lately. - Mood:Good
Wednesday January 25 20177:25:09 PM |
The Honda developed a rough idle and would die if you didn't drive with two feet. I replaced the idle air controller and that helped a tiny bit. Then I replaced the distributor and it helped some more. Last night I replaced the fuel filter, PCV valve and put some fuel injector cleaner in the gas tank. It still idles rough so I'm going to adjust the valves this weekend. If it's still running rough after that I'm going to get on the Honda CRV owner's website to decide where to go next. Everything I've done has helped a little bit but I'm not happy with it.

I changed the motor oil and transmission filter on the Mercedes but the transmission pan still leaks. It's only held on with six bolts so I think it's a tiny bit warped. I've got to drain it again and put the rubber gasket on with some RTV and that should stop the leak. It's not bad but I Mercedes shouldn't drip.

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