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Poll: How many people have you slept with? - Mood:Good

Thursday May 03 20122:34:29 PM |

And how old are you? For educational purposes only

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the somber - Mood:Good

Tuesday May 01 201211:28:51 AM |

I thought somber meant something else. I thought it referred to this complex emotion of peace and yet apathy and yet acceptance and blissful unawareness. Like you're walking in a dream. Like you aren't really happy nor sad, but content and alive and you don't think. Buddha? Today feels like summer. Finally feels like summer and I am in love with the trees and the speckles of sunlight that scatter on the road and the green canopy of leaves stretching from sidewalk to sidewalk above my head and the cool breeze and the roar of cars. Do you ever think to yourself "what am I doing?" then continue on your path, still wondering "what am I doing?" until you're in the act of one of your reflective "what am I doing" and still you wonder "and why am I still doing this?"

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To call off work or not to? - Mood:Good

Monday April 30 201211:09:11 AM |

So my car is in the shop. They are trying to get me a loaner car, but not gonna be sure if they'll have it before 2pm. This is an hour away from my house and 15 minutes away from my job. I start work at 3:30 Now to GET to the loaner car, some guy I met recently said he'd drive me. This seems awkward to me. Also, if they don't have it today and I call off work, seems like I'll be stuck in the same situation tomorrow. Ugh I dunno what to DO.

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vegan pancakes attempt # 2 - Mood:Good

Sunday April 29 20122:50:59 PM |

I will be trying in a few minutes. I am wearing my flannel shirt. Awesome. Also I just woke up. I'm somewhat sore and hung over. Need coffee, like now. I am talking to like 4 different guys. I'm totally "eh whatever" about it. Finally. I think it's because I have an exit date in mind. I kinda like being flighty and apathetic, it's horrible but oh to be in control... I didn't just say that. I was chatting w/someone online the other day, and we both volunteered at art all night. And he came over and talked to me. It was nice. I think I'm going out with him tonight. Oh to keep all my dates separated, what a game. Hey. My car is 20 miles away.

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Parents parents etc etc - Mood:Good

Tuesday April 24 201211:42:33 AM |

So my parents were initially accePting of my Korean opportunity. Apparently my grandmOther called all kinds of upset that I'm being scammed. Here's the deal. I signed with a hagwon (private school) and some of them are a little corrupt. As far as my research goes nothing negative has come up on my school. The contract looks good pay is well but hours are a little long. But 2.8 is a good deal compared to most which are Around 2.2 or 2.3 million a month. On top of this my father sends me weekly updates on north Koreans nuclear testing. I understand the risks. I understand they are worried. But I'm an adult and I believe in doing this. I am not them, I'm not paralyzed by fear to the extent that I won't do things I want to do. Any advice? Anyway I can prove the legitimacy of this to them? If things get bad between now and then I won't go. But it's frustrating me now

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I guess I was weird from the start. - Mood:Good

Monday April 23 201212:51:10 PM |

I bought a teach yourself korean thingy the otherday. Also, a friend of a friend speaks korean and said he'll help me out. Also I think I accidentally smoked weed last night. Rolled cigarettes and the guy was putting weed in his, but then I got really giggly about everything. Damnit, it comes out of your system in like a month, right? Hello YT.

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I accepted a job in South Korea. - Mood:Good

Friday April 20 20121:35:17 PM |

So, August. It doesn't seem real. I'm just a little nervous that I don't really know what I'm doing, but it's pre school and elementary so it's pretty basic stuff. I'll finish my TEFL and I'll be ok. AHHHH KOREA. Alone. It;s good, I definitely need to venture out of this city while I'm still young.

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oh I hate this - Mood:Good

Monday April 16 20128:31:00 PM |

The Koreans are calling in a half hour. I'm so bad at phone interviews. The job is for kindergarteners / elementary ed. And I'm so behind on my TEFL. It's just the anticipation that kills meee. I wish shakira was here to provide helpful tips.

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can we ban aran? - Mood:Good

Sunday April 15 20127:41:49 PM |

God only knows how he knows my last name. I think it's me or him. I don't wanna be on this site anymore if someone is internet stalking me. Thats what it feels like. He's getting pictures off my facebook and sh*t.

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this dream was kinda epic - Mood:Good

Sunday April 15 201210:04:18 AM |

I was on my porch at home, and I wanted to change my underwear. So I did, in public. And the old lady across the street came over and told my parents. And she was mad. We were driving in her car, and she was being really nice to me, and I asked her how she saw me changing my clothes. She said she saw my pubic hair, and she shaves hers! So she showed me this elaborate shaving kit she had just bought. The next thing I know, I'm at this department store with my roommate, and I'm looking for that shaving kit. She wanted to pick up nail polish. And then she kept telling me to hurry up, because she had to help out at this party that we were going to. We went and I knew a lot of people there. (Little back story, there is this guy at PItt who keeps threatening to blow up random academic buildings) I had a missed call from someone, so I called them back. And it was the bomber. CONT

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I pissed in the men`s room - Mood:Good

Sunday April 15 20121:59:19 AM |

So I was waiting in the women's line. But it was too long. And some guy came up to me and said "what are they DOING in there? I was like, I dunno but i have to piss, I'm about to use the men's room. He said, I'll scope it out for you. And he did..and I used the men's room while some dude was pissin in the urinal. And I don't know if that was him kinda trying to get at me or not, but he was kinda cute. I didn't know what to do. Btw there was a cigarette floating in the toilet and it didn't flush. Disgusting. Anyway, we were both wearing plaid, and we joked about it. Was this a missed opportunity type thing? I dunno, but I used the mens room

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let down your hair let down your hair rapunzel rapunzel let down your hair - Mood:Good

Friday April 13 20121:10:18 AM |

things. didn't work ooout? Oh well, I was sad for like an hour. You know what? I think the most important thing I look for in a man is 1. humor 2. confidence. Kinda hard to find though. Do you ever have freudian slips? I think that's what I'm having, or I just can't hear lyrics correctly: "Oh my God, just please don't ever let me go" I hear: "Oh my god, just please forever let me go" "I heard the unhappy ending it sort of sounds like you leaving " I hear: "I heard the HAPPY ending...etc" I saw haiku mentioned in another thread. I had made one earlier today: When I hear the rain I pretend it's you tapping On my window pane don't judge me. oh i'm gonna hand out beer at an art event at the end of the month. Art all night. ALLL NIGHT LITERALLY. I'm kinda excited.

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I have no idea what I want to do - Mood:Good

Wednesday April 11 201210:14:14 AM |

My job just informed us that max bonus a year will be 3000. We were used to a cap of 850 a month. We did get an extra week of vacation, but I'm going to be so broke. I don't know what I want. I can't stay focused on anything. Do I want to go back to school? I am already, kind of. I slept through class. Night shift does that to you. Should I stay at this job and do the Korea thing? I've kinda fell behind on that whole deal. Should I apply for a new job at my dad's work? It pays well, it would be the start of a career for me. But what career do I want? What do I want to do with my life? I should have figured this out, say, 6 years ago. And I can't even decide what to do today. Should I read? I should probably study, figure out my student loans and make a contact appointment. I wanted to start yet another project. I can't finish anything. Sh*t.

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I wish I was in the 20s - Mood:Good

Tuesday April 10 201210:49:21 PM |

I'm in my car smoking a cigarette listening to Ella Fitzgerald. Was she 20s? Oh now it's Regina Spector k . I wish I was wearing a dress and heels in Paris at a jazz club. Thought you all would wanna know that

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Weird stuff going on tonight - Mood:Good

Tuesday April 10 201212:52:08 AM |

I was driving home, and everything suddenly seemed so big. i got so used to this town, that for a while I was unamused at everything. But tonight, for the first time in a very long time, the buildings felt higher, me smaller. Like I really am a little girl alone in the city, in awe over it's beauty. I don't know what change that was. But everything around me seems different. Kind of like the first time. I'm happy for it. Also, the moon is really creepy today. hm, other news I felt sick in my abdomen so I had to cancel my late night date with that kid I guess I maybe kinda seeing? I dunno if it's gonna go anywhere. He's awfully flakey. but really, right now. It doesn't matter. The thought of it not working doesn't make me sick and lonely. I actually thought, "I'll find someone eventually" But no settling. I can't settle. so, hi

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lick the wine bottle, listen to alex turner in the dark - Mood:Good

Saturday April 07 201211:23:30 PM |

lonely apartment. I couldn't ask for a better, more relaxing night. I wish I could take some pictures. I may smoke a ciagrette. Then take a bath. Then read. Before falling into a blissful slumber. I want a record player and candles. Write a love letter or 3. Contemplate all the wrongs and rights I've done throughout my life. Listen to the howling wind, and everything will be ok just as long as the sun rises, and the leaves regrow.

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How do you find those lights? - Mood:Good

Saturday April 07 20121:58:31 PM |

The ones that hang in trees in the summer? Everytime I google it it's like a porch light or a lantern. I type in "tree hanging lights" "outside lights" "outside hanging lights"

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photo whorin time - Mood:Good

Friday April 06 20128:06:20 PM |

I was in an excellent mood all day. You know why if you read my other journal. Went to the mattress factory. I feel good, I weigh only like 10 pounds up from what I want. That's not too hard to do. Mannequins like to touch me: and as weird as I can be

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I just want your opinion - Mood:Good

Thursday April 05 20128:33:41 PM |

Cause I'm buggin. That guy I went out with yesterday deleted his okc profile. I haven't heard from him...usually if someone likes me they'll respond like right after or the next day. So we didn't kiss but he offered me a hug. He either is like ew forget this site everyone I think is cool turns out weird or he likes me maybe? I don't wanna be the needy texter so what should I do yt?

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sh*sh*tsh*tsh*t - Mood:Good

Thursday April 05 201210:18:24 AM |

I want some coffee. To soothe my anxiety. Should I finish decoupaging my desk today? I don't wanna work. Passion Pit is amazing. OMG. I'm half in love. Sh*t. Wake up at dawn in a half slumber and fall back asleep falling further into my bed and smiling and I'm scared and I don't know how to hold back. I keep doing it to myself. He's amazing. I had fun. I don't know, I just don't know what to do with myself. the end.

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Looking through some old poetry... - Mood:Good

Thursday April 05 201212:02:22 AM |

I only like random bits. I'll share: - - - And one morning I learned to love you. You became a quiet and translucent ghost, filling in all the space that was left. and to me, you still whisper Nothing. - - - - Not tomorrow, will he climb her white satin sash. Spring mud fresh, reminds him of yesterday's past. Not instantly will she grow and live inside of him. - - - - - - this is a whole poem, The Doll She danced in her silk purple dress. Brushed her fingertips along the beadlike texture of her sash. Twirling in her dusty case she was clearly alive. Yet she felt, oddly, plastic. - - - - Our porcelain lung, our breathing machine- - it keeps me alive watching, staring at cold TV glares in a desolate wonderland. we fell into slumber and dreamt of Indian waves moving through summer skies- - kissing the warhorse. - - - I'm sure I could do better now that I'm not 16

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i just remembered this weird dream I had - Mood:Good

Tuesday April 03 20125:17:54 PM |

YT kind of. This weird girl was posting illiterately about veganism, and everyone posted in the thread "we know this is your alter, nobodyworth" And I was like "it isn't! Noooo!" Also, I was in this gang (but I think we were good?). Two adults, and 4 of us young adults. 3 coworkers and me. Two of them are my friends, the other one is just some guy on my team at work. And I kept trying to hit on him and have sex with him, and hold him around his neck. We all got split up, the adults were going to have this super important risky job in CA, and the guy at work and I were going to GA to just cause general chaos as a distraction? The other two girls were going to NY I think. I am NOT attracted to this guy in real life. Then another dream, I was masturbating and everyone could see because I don't have drapes on my windows. And then I walked outside and there were 5 guys just han...

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it`s eerie how strickingly accurate horoscopes can be - Mood:Good

Monday April 02 201211:07:15 AM |

yes, that's what I'm doing, fooling around on horoscope.com My sign fits me perfectly, pieces. And I was doing the love compatibility, very accurate. Weird. I did something embarrassing last night. I had a party and got so drunk I passed out on a mattress on the floor. Then my roommate came in like "chris is mad that if you stay here he's not going to get his security deposit back" I'm like, IM DYING F*CK YOUR SECURITY DEPOSIT CHRIS. How about handing me a trash can? But I'm fine, I came home and passed out. I hate myself when I get out of control like that.

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I was fine until I started dating again. I was happy and doing just fine. - Mood:Good

Thursday March 29 201211:09:35 AM |

They always come back, but it's not a good thing. The original flake who I saw, back. I feel like last option girl. I said I'd hang out, I was bored, and upset that this guy I was talking to for a long time also ended up cancelling on me all the time and being real flakey as well/not returning texts, etc. And he kept asking me to kiss him. And I said no. No no no it isn't something i want now. No good can come from two people when he treated me the way he did But then I felt bad and sexted with him. EW RIGHT!? Meanwhile, I'm kinda devastated that as soon as I'm half in love with someone, they turn out to be just like him So I go from me judging everyone, everyone is a piece of sh*t,, I'm over dating. To: Okay, sh*t, I really like you. Oh god what do I do. I'm happy so happy. To: really? Again? God, I'm starting to not trust anyone.

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Im getting a tattoo today. - Mood:Good

Saturday March 24 20129:19:23 AM |

I'm super nervous. On my wrist.

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