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Female, 28 years old
land locked , ., Western US

  Offline - Last On: 10hrs ago

38 Buddies
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40,936 Posts | Member Since: 12/21/2001
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Interests: Poetry / Music / Cats / Writing / Philosophy
Homepage: (None)
Birthday:1/15/1986 (28 Years Old)
IM Type: AIM IM Name: .
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Marital Status: (Decline to State)
Sexual Preference: (Decline to State)
Religion: Other
Politics: Liberal
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Hrmph. - Mood:Good
Saturday October 20 20075:07:31 PM |
Should I...

a) Ask my friends if they would f*ck a chick on the rag...

b) Smoke a bowl before my parents get here

c) Eat another one of those chocolate covered strawberries

d) Light the skull candle on my desk on fire

e) Continue looking up "Burns" in the dream dictionary

f) Cry about the fact that my family, including my schizophrenic brother are about to get here and I'm too stoned and hungover to even bother dealing with them

g) Make someone a card

h) Go to hell

i) Wash my face and brush my teeth

j) Change my name to something cooler

k) Continue planning out my trip to Europe, even though it's hella days away

L) Grow some balls under my vag to help me get the courage to ask my parents for $$ to help fund my trip to Europe. I'm going to try to use it as my "graduation" gift

m) Take a nap. I feel like I need one.

n) Write a poem

o) Listen and john frusicante talk to me in ways only certain people can

p) Call my friend to come over an

There are 14 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

PS - Mood:Good
Friday October 19 20072:32:24 PM |
Interesting.
When you touch me
I shiver
even though I am
colder
than you.

---------------------

Outside
we put the bike
whose wheels won't
stop turning.

------------------------------------

Dust sparkles
in light
from windows;
outside-
fog.

--------------------------------

It's like tripping
on rugs after running
over gnarled roots
outside.


-----------------------------------------------

I ate too much food last night and ended up spending like 20 minutes puking b/c I was too full. Last night, when I came home after drinking/smoking/watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas at the movie theater...I ate:

A handfull of chocolate covered cherries
a bagel with cream cheese, salami, tomatoes and spinach
Chicken noodle soup in which I added peas
more salami
and bagel bites.

THEN

Lots of vomiting. Ewwwwww....my throat hurts....

I'm texting my friend right now. We are exercizing her psychic abilities through t

There are 9 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

`Lo and Behold, I`m Stoned... - Mood:Good
Thursday October 18 20074:43:30 AM |
but my mind is a freeway.

I was hoping this would go away

I'm not even at a sad or low point in my life, but my insecurities are becoming rampant and I just.want.to.be. loved...

BUT

then again, my face is oily, I've been horny, and also craving chocolate and salt...

which means all signs point to::::::>PMS!!

Yay. But, in reality, this guy I really really liked just got a girlfriend . Boo. Oh well, he'll be in and out of my life forever.

At least that's how I feel. And, if things went like I think they did, that means I'll probably see him weekly for the next year, so I'm not that upset I guess. He's still alive...

I wnat my f*ck buddy here though. I want someone to warm up my hands and hold me.

BUT

I can't bring it to that level or else I'm afraid I'll start to become too attached. I've already named the puppy, even though I don't want to take him home with me.

Ack, life.

But, everything overall is good. I had a great night. I...

There are 9 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

same poem - Mood:Good
Monday October 15 20072:04:35 AM |
Just continued revisions.

It's *this* much closer to done. It's going through a workshop on tuesday or thursday. I'm just saving this here.

Masetto,
Last Sunday
when I learned you liked pears
over the peach
I laid behind you,
tracing stars on your back with my middle finger,
imitating ones the tenant before
had painted red on your backdoor.

I listened to it rain.

I watched you breathe,
Frantically trying to breathe like you,
tantrically with you,
(out while you out)
(out while you in)
(in while you out)
(in while you in)
but my lungs were filled with blood.

Desperately I tried to make my heart
beat in rhythm with yours
as I pressed
my chest
against the warm flat of your back-
full well knowing
my heart can only murmur.

There are 2 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

STATIC AGE - Mood:Good
Sunday October 14 200711:20:04 PM |
This is a static age.

Go!

There are 22 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

What goes up must come down.. - Mood:Good
Sunday October 14 20078:13:48 PM |
I've been on such an emotional and mental and basically LIFE high lately, I'm kind of afraid of what's going to happen...

Friday: I got into the very competitive creative writing concentration at my university
I talked to the guy I am f*cking's ex-gf, and now we are on good terms. She said I'm a decent successor...
Went to a party and got drunk wtih great people, thus having great conversations and ultimately a great time.

Saturday: Hung out with my good friend here and got stoned and pedicures
Worked
Went to a concert at an irish pub
went dancing
went to a party where my f*ck buddy just happened to be which means I had a fun night and morning

and now I'm at work, working on my homework and internetting.

Life is good.
Good job.
Good education.
Good friends.
Good sex.

I haven't had things work out this fantastically in my life.

Which brings the fear of losing something precious or valuable. I'm afraid someone is going to die

There are 2 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

F*CKING CHRIST, YES! - Mood:Good
Friday October 12 200710:33:54 PM |
I made it into the concentration.

Which means, my friends, that creative writing is officially my major.

Well, actually, it's literature with an emphasis on creative writing.

I'm super excited! I've been working on my portfolio for such a long time, and I got rejected last quarter but I'm in and ready now!!

YESSSS!!!!!

My major officially became a little easier; now I'll only have to read 2 novels a week versus 3, but one less is about 300 pages...

which rocks my socks.

AND I can write more, and get good critique and have some really good writing teachers.

Awesome.

Awesome.

Awesome.

It's a really competitive process, I'm surprised I got in! They accept 10 poetry and 10 fiction applicants a quarter (30 a year), and at least 100 people apply. At least.

This is so badass. I'm very proud of myself.

Almost to the point of roosteriness.

But not quite.

There are 5 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

New Poem. READ PLEZSBEISA! - Mood:Good
Friday October 12 20073:42:28 AM |
This is still DEFINITELY in the works. This is my first/second draft. Enjoy & please feel free to critique!

Title: He Who I See On Sundays

Masetto,

Last Sunday
when I learned you liked pears
over the peach,
I laid behind you
tracing stars on your back with my middle finger,
imitating ones the tenant before
had painted red on your backdoor.

I listened to it rain.

I watched you breathe
desperately trying to breathe like you,
breathe with you,
(out while you in)
(out while you out)
(in while you in)
(in while you out).


Despserately trying to make my heart dance
in rhythm with yours
as I pressed
my chest
against the warm flat of your back-
full well knowing
I will always breathe faster and my heart
can only murmer.

There are 27 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Even though I woke up only a couple hours ago.. - Mood:Good
Wednesday October 10 200712:17:09 PM |
I already want to crawl back into bed, curl up and wait for tomorrow.

This happens sometime.

There are 11 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I`m such a c*nt. - Mood:Good
Tuesday October 09 20073:38:13 AM |
And I love it.

What I did today (in order in which they occurred):
got high with friends
rode my bike to the bank to pay a bill
Realized it was columbus day and the bank was closed
picked up a hella cool looking bowl my friend painted for me
biked home
walked to bus stop (1 mile)
went to yoga
had self-defense class
got picked up by neighbor john
got high with friends
made bomb-ass spaghetti with meat sauce
biked to work
worked
biked home
got high with friends
made bomb-ass spaghetti with vegetables in the marinara
talked on the phone
studied
wrote paper
wrote poems
got high with friends


overall, fairly productive day.
Tomorrow is my long day.

Tomorrow I:
bike to bank
bike home
walk to bus stop
go to school from 10am-7:30ppm
walk home
shower
bike to have sex
have sex
sleep
bike home


I need sometime to myself somehwere in here....

other than now.

Now discuss.

There are 7 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

f*ck it, i`m getting high - Mood:Good
Monday October 08 20076:04:25 AM |
today has been such an emotionally turbulant day for my soul.

I feel like I'm on not only a cliched emotional rollercoaster, i'm battling with a spiritual tyrant.

it's quite upsetting.

I miss my family.
But, I don't really miss my family per se, I miss the feeling of a family.

I have great friends here..

I feel like I need a vacation from this stupid sh8t.

Work and school are taking over my life.

Well that and life itself. I've been so busy the past week, I feel like I just need a breath.

This is the introvert in my, I've been all over and doing so much I feel very, very drained.

BUT

I have to go to the bank tomorrow, then to pick up a pot my friend made for me, then yoga, then self defense class, then work, then i have to write a paper.

I'm not looking forward to this busy life i've acquired.

fondness level equates negative three.

So, right now i'm about to pack of some beautiful purple greens.

Anyone care to join?

There are 16 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

free bluegrass festivals are the sh*t - Mood:Good
Sunday October 07 20075:02:50 AM |
The free fest @ golden gate park was massive! There were so many people and performances, it rocked. I got to see Victor Wooten! That's the sh*t.

I have this deep affinity for bassists

I went with my buddy Nick, and then I went to visit my friend Raul's pad. He recently moved to the City and I haven't seen his place.

I secretly think I'm in love with him. We lost "ourselves" to eachother, but only formed a deeper friendship because of it, and it never got weird or awkward, but then it never progressed.

He's such a great guy and such a big part of my life, but it's not there...f*ck, I dunno.

So then i also went to dinner with some friends that live in Oakland, that was pretty cool- AND THEN

picked up a surfboard and bike that my friend had left in San Fran. She is this swedish chick who lived in SF for 3 years, but then moved back to sweden and now is studying abroad at my school. She needed help moving some stuff so I gladly helped her.

There are 14 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Portfolio - Mood:Good
Friday October 05 20073:12:24 AM |
i'm just gonna share it, you guys helped me with some of the revisions, so why not?

title: People-Summer-2007
He traveled 600 miles on the back of a refrigerator freight
with only the clothes on his back
and a stale loaf of sourdough bread.

She left the states to work in Vietnam
because Bush was re-elected in 2004.

They left the party early
in a bicker regarding her parents.

A girl in a bright floral dress
walks slowly up and down the street,
window shopping
with her little sister.

The mockingbird works as an alarm clock
for hung-over college students;
the RA pays him in crickets and grasshoppers.

He drated her too hard last night;
she showed him the sheets while he showered.

His best friend built a hospital in Mexico
designed for disabled children.

Men race each other
while their babies sleep ‘
in the strollers they are pushing.

There are 35 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I`m so awkward and weird - Mood:Good
Friday October 05 20073:08:47 AM |
...which I figured out today.

I guess I always knew I was, but now I know for sure.

Oh, sadness.

What's weird though is I'm really good one on one with people, but large crowds and parties (I was at a poetry slam) only work for me if I'm sh*tfaced drunk.

I guess I'm not much of a people person.

Boo.

And the guy I'm f*cking kinda ignored me tonight. I shouldn't be hurt though- I'm using him for sex too...

but it was apparently obvious that I'm just a f*ck tonight. I wanted to have the power, dammit!

Boo.

Whatev. How are your guys' nights?

Today sucked for me, I had classes back to back to back from 10-5:10. It was awful, then I went to the slam and now I'm home...and I have to work on my portfolio (the one i've been b*tching about FOR DAYS)

it's due tomorrow.

I'm scurred.

Whatev.

There are 17 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I just had... - Mood:Good
Wednesday October 03 20074:25:36 AM |
really kinky s&m sex.
again, he's passed out next to me.
I'm such an insomniac.

My butt hurts.

Tomorrow consists of:
Morning bike ride along the coast
Yoga class
Lunch w/friend @ Campus
Opera Watching (lame) for class
Poetry Writing & Homework
-3 poems
-portfolio workage
-repsonse to opera
-reading reading READING


Then hopefully that's it.


I hope your lives are as productive as mine as of late.

Everything is going well, I have a good f*ck, good friends, good school and good job.

I don't know why I'm not happy.
I think it's because I'm afraid of being content.
Contentedness leaves you in a rut 4EVA.

HOw goes it?

There are 10 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

John Frusciante makes me cum - Mood:Good
Sunday September 30 20074:58:04 AM |
It's almost like he's talking to me with his guitar. Most of these songs don't even need words, it's amazing.

I almost want to bust out in a Roberta Flack cover...

"Strumming my pain with his fingers..."

BEAUTIFUL

anyone agree? Have you guys heard his solo sh*t? I mean, I love red hot, but I can feel his soul here, it's...it's...

music the way it's supposed to be.

I have a lot of concerts I'd like to attend: Danzig, Pinback, Henry Rollins and something else.

My contacts are dry.

I drank a little bit by myself. Jagermeister is my friend. And I smoked. So in general, I'm a tad intoxicate.

Yep..fun night..kicked it with the neighborinos. My parents came and visited me. I made my Nana a chocolate/strawberry/white cake.

It was delish.

My friend from back home visited me afterwards to avoid her abusive boyfriend.

I can't watch this anymore.

Sigh.

I ate way tooo much today.

There are 19 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

She said, "Pull the trigger. We`ll make a game out of this." - Mood:Good
Saturday September 29 20073:31:54 PM |
He shot her a look from across the room.
He was sitting in the chair.
The same chair her grandmother would read her stories from.
The same chair that protrudes nails and ripped her quilt.
He was sitting in the chair.

She pulled a cigarette from her red leather purse.
The purse matched her lips.
He thought about that as the cigarette rested on her bottom lip.
She looked like such a whore.

The look in her eye dragged him towards her.
He flicked his bic and lit her on fire.

Promise you'll pull the trigger.

But he came all too soon.

There are 2 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

this thread is not about DYW - Mood:Good
Friday September 28 20075:53:10 AM |
Well, I guess it kinda is.

My days of whoring have began. I'm sleeping with a guy I don't necessarily like because we have amazing sex.

He's asleep in bed next to me (he has work in the mornin') so I'm trying to type quietly.

I had my first day of school today- it was God awful. Apparently I'm taking an opera literature class...it was titled "Intro to Music Drama."

I feel decieved! i don't want to watch/read operas! Boo-hoo.

I'm also taking an asian american lit class that requires 21 books. Do you know how many that is for one class? The quarters are only 11 weeks long. WTF is the teacher thinking?!

On other notes, I talked to many people today- hung out with many kids and made several friends.

Plus had amazing sex.

So i guess all is well on my doorstep. What baout on yours?

There are 27 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Settling.. - Mood:Good
Wednesday September 26 20075:34:14 AM |
so, how many of you would settle for a guy who liked you but you didn't like back?

I know a lot of people do this. I learned about it in one of my classes; people tend to lower their standards or "settle" easier as they age, mostly because they don't want to be lonely anymore.

SOoOoOOoo

I was thinking about this, and given my current situation..

I don't think I could ever settle for less than I want. What about you guys?

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Dammit. Dammitdammitdammit! - Mood:Good
Monday September 24 20076:42:35 PM |
So, this guy came over last night. We had been on a couple dates and such, and I was tired so I invited him to my house so we could chill and like watch TV and stuff.

I initially planned to break things off with him because he has a crazy ex and he's not my type of guy. At all. I can already tell we don't have a lot in common, and though we click, frankly, I'm not that attacted to him.

BUT

We ended up hooking up. I was trying to be all obnoxious and boring so maybe he would just leave..so I smoked him out (he's kinda a square bear), and he didn't.

And we hooked up.

And needless to say it was some of the best hook-ups that I have had. He's into kink, which totally works for me.

Basically, we're very very sexually compatible.

But i still don't want to be with him! Blah. Would it be wrong of me to keep him around for sex? How am I supposed to bring this up??

I think I'm going to say something along the lines of..

There are 23 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I DON`T WANT DRAMA - Mood:Good
Saturday September 22 20075:59:08 AM |
So, I'm kinda dating this guy, and I went to this party where both he and his ex-gf were attending.

Needless to say, she was such a B*TCH to me. She would shove (not push, SHOVE me when she walked by), she would loudly and obnoxiously shoot down every idea I had or anything I would say (ie, I love the mars volta, and she went on about why they sucked WITHOUT sufficient reasoning), and she tried to make out with every guy I ended up talking to.

She tried to make out with the 2 guys I came with, and they were so disgusted by her it's funny.

Then, THEN

I was about to leave, and she was like, oh, Andrew would be really hurt if you didn't say good-bye to him, I'm hix ex-girlfriend, blah blah blah.

And all I could say was "This is really weird"

because it f*cking was. And I was drunk and high and i didn't need to deal with daram ex-gfs. c*nt rags! all of 'em.

So, I think I'm going to break it off with this guy. Not only is she close with the group I'm slowly getting admi

There are 8 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

drunk biking - Mood:Good
Friday September 21 20075:37:25 AM |
I made it home safelly. Yay!!

Now i"m on the internetzor. Yay!!

Umm yeah. I went to see a nighttime showing of A Clockwork Orange on the big screen, (really high, duh) and it was a-f*ckin-mazing. I've always wanted to see ACO on the big screen- i'm super happy they decided to show it.

Then I went to a friends house and played apples to apples drunkenly.

Now i"m back here.

today was my crushes birthday, and i made him a cake and we went out to sushi. I owe him like 20 bucks lol because i was going to pay for his lunch..then i forgot my wallet.

'but we didn"t hang out all night, I feel kinda rejected.

a*shole. whatever. I had a great time.

Tomorrow i'm going to a 21st brithday extravaganza at the house i was at tonight.

saturday i'm going on a party bus in san francisco (clubs and bars0

and then i have work at 7:30 AM on sunday morning

but i'm happy now and that's all that matter

right?

There are 13 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

best friends 21st (pictures) - Mood:Good
Wednesday September 19 20076:14:18 AM |
Story:

Went to san fran
smoked/drank at her house
went to cheesecake factory (ate & drank)
went to bar (drank more)
came home and smoked
went to bed around 3

ya know, normal 21st b-day stuff...

the one on top in red is the birthday girl

us again


taxi panic

"no you're not hardcore"

There are 14 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

wake and bake! - Mood:Good
Sunday September 16 20071:18:15 PM |
I'm texting my neighbors to smoke but i'm getting no response.

I know they are awake.

My swedish friend just left, he stayed the night (again)

He slept on the couch.

For breakfast I'm having chocolate soymilk, and a banana mushed up in my vanilla yogurt. Yummy!

I need to eat breakfast more often.

I woke up at 9:30. This is the earliest I've been awake in a loooong time.

My neighbor just responded. I'll be back!

There are 16 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Heres a poem. heres a pantoum! - Mood:Good
Friday September 14 200710:00:58 PM |
title: identity room
poem type: pantoum
what I need: critique and help (i'm adding this one to my portfolio)

Discovering who I am
the world opens a previously locked door
I am no longer a cow, sheep or a lamb
My feet are firmly placed on the floor

The world opened a locked door
Where it leads? I do not know
My feet are firmly placed on the floor
Expecting my identity to show.

Who am I? I do not know.
Though I know I belong to myself
I need my identity to show
For so long I've been sitting on the same shelf

I know I belong to myself.
I am my own puppet, my own doll
I've been sitting on that suburban shelf
But now I am in this chasmic hall

Being my own puppet, my own doll
No longer a cow, sheep or a lamb
I venture through the door in the hall
discovering who I am.

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