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Female, 28 years old
land locked , ., Western US


38 Buddies
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41,142 Posts | Member Since: 12/21/2001
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Interests: Poetry / Music / Cats / Writing / Philosophy
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Birthday:1/15/1986 (28 Years Old)
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Bad Moods - Mood:Good
Sunday November 25 20076:07:09 PM |
I've been in such a sour mood since Thanksgiving. It's really weird and it's throwing me off.
I just feel like frowning all the time.

I don't know how to place it, I'm assuming it's just an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I'm kinda tired of not having a boyfriend, especially during "the season."

But, I don't want to settle on my f*ck buddy, though I do enjoy his company and all...


Last night I wanted to be held so much it hurt. I've never had that feeling before. I'm starting to crave attention and affection; 2 things I normally despise. I normally hate being showered with affection, little kisses and warm embraces...

it was a very physical yearning too. It's like this desire to be held took a form inside me and began to ache. Not just hurt, but ache.

It was very weird. I've never felt this sensation before.

I just want to stop being sad and lonely

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I had a weird dream and I just bought mars volta tickets.. - Mood:Good
Saturday November 24 20073:51:57 AM |
for NEW YEARS! YAY! But now I have to ask for work off. That'


But whatever. If all goes well I have my ticket! My friend bought his awhile ago so I do have people to go with as well...

but the mars volta @ new years would be.the. drating poo!

So, my dream.

I was sick, had smoked a lot of pot from a volcano and took some nyquil, so weird dreams were bound to happen..

anyways, I was apart of some like race or something, and we were racing through the forest through some huts.
Then, my team like all got together and we got sent into a huge warehouse/department store type thing, and it was seperated into racial sections.

It was my job to lead my group to the mexican section, as the host of the show assigned me to do. But nobody would listen to me and we went to an asian part instead, but they insisted that it was mexican because the furniture was used. Once we reached the top level (there was like 8) I found an asian symbol..

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I just saw GwaR - Mood:Good
Thursday November 22 20074:19:30 AM |
f&ck yeah. my friends and i dressed as brides and went and saw gwar; we went hella early and got f*cked up (i"m still faded) and got all dyed and sh*t.

My white shirt is now green blue redish or osmething like that, my face got sprayed a million bajillion times.

it was awesome.

i also made out with my girlfriends (first time for me!) and my random guy friends. '

it was an amazing show. i"m still drunk.

i have a FAT bruise/bump onmy leg, i hope i get over that.

god, the show was amazing.

i'm so happy to be me.

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I`m sick and I have to see GWAR tomorrow :-( - Mood:Good
Wednesday November 21 20073:13:07 AM |
I"ve been doing my best to get super healthy for tomorrow. I'm drinking green tea, sleeping, using nyquil/dayquil, drinking both emergen-c and orange juice ( oj 3 times a day ec once) and using cough drops.

I'm hoping this wooorrrkkks.

I need to be good for GWAR tomorrow. My firends and I planned on going (i have a ticket already), getting sh*tfaced and dressing as brides.

'this is going to be super fun.
I can"t wait!

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Make you work work make you work - Mood:Good
Sunday November 18 20076:55:54 PM |
dun nu dun nu nu dun dun nu nu

I'm chilling in my little office thing. Boy, being a receptionist for a hotel sure is easy-peas.

I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.

I ordered some pizza dominoes: pepperoni, italian sausage, mushroom & jalapeno (yum!) so that's going to come in an hour or so....

Most of the people are already in. I do have a paper or 2 to write that I could begin..but I have to finish reading the book first!

So it's basically a small compilation of short stories and it's really interesting- I just get bored. I can read for about an hour to two solidly, but then after that I need a break.

So, I've got about a third of the book read, but I still have so much farther to go.

It's called Blood and Soap, by the way, and it's by Dihn Lihn.

The short stories are really interesting. I read another short story book by Don Lee called Yellow for this class recently.

Oh, it's for my asian american literature.

'cause I'm asian american and all. <

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I``m drunk again - Mood:Good
Saturday November 10 20075:01:01 AM |
I think I have a problem.
I love my cat.
'You should see my last post.
My enter button is broken.
My enter botton puts the apostrophe occaisonally.
I"m really drunk.
I have a bottle of water on my chin.
My chin is cold.
It's purified water.
The water is purified through the brita filter.
The brita filter costs 30 bucks.
I didn't buy a birta filter today.
UI'm durnk.
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Friday November 09 20075:53:43 AM |
he's my Little Girl

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today really sucked - Mood:Good
Friday November 09 20075:19:26 AM |
yep. it really, really, really sucked.

But disregarding that, here's my most recent poem:

so far it's untitled:

I remember when we thought the well in your backyard led to hell. I remember your mother telling us in Spanish, and I remember being more fascinated than afraid. I remember lining the circumference with white candles and crosses made out of that pink flowering plant that was poisonous to cats. I remember making potions out of soil, saliva and sugar that we’d dump into the well while reciting chants we had created to keep the devil the hell out of your backyard. “Devil oh Devil, though the world is level, you can’t come up and tip-toe. Devil oh Devil, though the world is level, please stay down below.” I remember the oak tree that grew next to the well, the one we’d never climb because the spirits lived in the leaves. I remember when that tree died, and how we had blamed it on the well, throwing in rocks and chewed dog bones as a form of rev

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pg-13 warning. sex talk. - Mood:Good
Thursday November 08 20072:03:22 AM |
sex talk!

I had the hottest sex my life last night. In a few keywords, it consisted of:

wrist restraints
multiple orgasms
leash and collars
video taping

mmm...I've been thinking about it all day. I can't get over it! What's the best sex you've ever had??

There are 68 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

with your feet in the air and your head on the ground - Mood:Good
Tuesday November 06 20074:25:17 PM |
where is my mind?

I'm at work- I get to go home today...yay!! I've been living at my work for 4 days (i work at a hotel) 'cause my bosses are out of town.

But I KNOW there is drama waiting for me. Just...waiting...ugh

Drama drama drama

Rossini's overtura for The barber of seville is one of my favorites.

But I don like tchaikovsky's overture too..

but rossini's kicks ass.


Help me.

There are 13 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

cat owner`s everywhere!!!! - Mood:Good
Sunday November 04 200710:50:53 PM |
This is too f*cking cute. And true.
There are 33 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Some guy just pointed and laughed at me! - Mood:Good
Sunday November 04 20071:22:02 AM |
So, I'm living at my work for the next 4 days ( I work at a hotel, 100 bucks a day...I'll do it) but I can't leave. and. it's. slowly. driving. me. insane.

'but anywho, I was sitting at the desk on my computer looking bored as SH*T and some guy walked by the window and pointed and laughed at me, beacuse it's a saturday night and I'm very, very, obviously bored.

Then he smiled and waved and I flipped him off It was the perfect interaction.

So, I was...


I just let some shady looking people stay at my job. Without paying with credit card.

I just put hella sh*t on the line. DAMMIT. I was out of it 'cause I was tired so I'm just like whatever...I still got the card number though. Not their phone number!

I think they might be on something. F*ck. I hope they don't mess up the room.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Oh well, I guess I just have to wait and see in the morning...

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So ON mY WAY OVER HERE>... - Mood:Good
Friday November 02 20075:30:05 AM |
I typed in

'EFF Youthink.

"I swear, on my last day, I'm so posting porn. Or my tits. or something along those lines.

I had a pretty good night. One of my best gals broke up with her boy toy, so I decided to cheer her up

We went out and started having a couple beers, went to a cluba nd began to dance...

danced our little booties off,

'went to another club and watched a live band, went up the revolving stairs and played 2 rounds of pool...

'then went to the other club and went dancing...

then went to the initial bar and had more beeers....

then i biked my ass home.

'now i'm here.



estoy aqui!

'I want more food.

and my friend jusjt texted me..

she has my wallet.


Im super durnk.

about to have a bowl.

'have a good night! someone talk to me..


'i might vanihs.

I m" magic liek that.


YT is my savior. whenever i get lonely..

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I`m gonna party like it`s 1999!! - Mood:Good
Wednesday October 31 20076:12:07 PM |
No really. Haha. Like when I was 13 .

So last night, my friends and I went to some bars and drank a bit, and played some foozeball and pool. After we got tired of that, we decided to go play glow in the dark golf at the golf course, which is f*cking gorgeous.

We tried this before and couldn't think of any way to make golf balls glow. Recently, one of my friends came across this one you tube:

Glowing Mountain Dew

so we decided to go to longs and buy the ingredients. Low and behold, they don't have golf balls. So we head to Safeway, hoping and wishing for golf balls. No such luck. But we did find...

*cue music*


So, our initial plan was to fill the water balloons with the glowing mixture (I purchased a turkey baster) and throw them at passing cars from the roof.


after several unsuccessful attempts, we deemed the glowing mountain dew trick to be a fraud.

SO we had a couple beers, smoked

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what is going on with you...RIGHT NOW - Mood:Good
Sunday October 28 200711:41:29 PM |
I burned my tongue on chicken corn chowder, so now it tingles irritatingly.

I am currently at my desk, "working."

I'm procrastinating reading this book "Yellow" by Don Lee. I don't know why, it's actually a really f*Cking amazing read.

I'm shaking my right foot, which is resting on my left knee and shaking against the corer of this wooden desk, making an "erk erk erk" noise by moving it.

The window is open, it's a little cold inside this room.

every few seconds I sniffle, I might be catching a cold.

My phone is sitting open next to me, I'm still waiting for my friend to respond to my message regarding wanting someone to sleep next to and with versus actually being with that person.

Ravi Shankar is playing on my iTunes, but I would rather listen to pinback.

I'm debating whether or not I should lock the pool 20 minutes early, so I can take a bathroom break.
I want a cigarette, but they aren't allowed on the premises, and my bosses wou

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so drunk~` - Mood:Good
Sunday October 28 20074:53:14 AM |
and I feel like writing a poem again.
Today was a very interesting day.
very interesting indeed.

So the guy and I hung out til like 4 today. He came over last night, and during sex he spit in my mouth...we're getting more into the s/m scene and it's slowly but surely getting hotter and hotter.

There was some parade that came by at like 8 in the morning and it woke me up and I cussed it out, lol. wtf? It's a saturday, why in the f*ck would a loud ass parade with drums nad stupid sh*t go by so early...

then my roommate got kinda psycho and threatened suicide. it was kinda intense. her boyfriend and i had to stop her and talk her through it and out of it.

then i went to work and read some really badass short stories by some guy (i forgot his name) but the compilation is called yellow.

then i went to a party that sucked and go really drunk, now I'm here on yt. I called my friends and I miss and love them very much.

'but right now i want to call the guy..btu i won't.


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I feel like writing a poem - Mood:Good
Thursday October 25 20074:31:19 AM |
but I have no inspiration. Just a feeling. I'm super drunk/stoned, just got back from a Groundation show. F*cking amazing, I got like 3rd row. Reggae is love. Music is love. '

My roommate locked the door after she said she wouldn't. I'm not too upset, but if I was sober I would be. But really, it was more just miscommunication. But whatev.

I went on a really long bikeride today- I totally needed that. It was such a f*cking hot day too, I can't believe it. I kinda got a headache from sweating too much. F*cking dehydration.

I finished a whole f*cking canteen of water during my ride.

John Frusciante can touch me anytime.

In this whithered temple we sit
amongst broken pews
with pages of gospel
littering the aisles
They tell of tell of islands
and bylands of gods
and angels who sprinkle
fantasy over us as we sit
like children with tongues out
and eyes open wide.
Swallowing, exhasperated
hallowing our lungs, inflated
with hope and faith an

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The Groundation.!.!.!.-.!.!.!. TOMORROW - Mood:Good
Wednesday October 24 20075:08:30 AM |
I'm uber excited to see them. I haven't been to a good show in awhile, and this one is only 15 buckaroos! F*ck.Yeah.

Today was pretty chill, I woke up all cuddled and warm, went to school, totally aced a test, wrote a sh*tty poem, flirted with a hot boy, came home for literally 10 minutes, went and had dinner with some friends, went to bar with said friends and got 10 dollar pitchers of blue moon, went back to their place and smoked some bud, walked home with a cute and nice guy, smoked a bit of hash, now I'm here.


TOMORROW will be even better. I'm going to wake up, probably take a bike ride, go to yoga class, then get completely f*cked up and go and see The Groundation!


Life is pretty good.

But I'm still annoyed by the little things.

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I want your throbbing c*ck - Mood:Good
Sunday October 21 200710:25:12 PM |
to die! The mother f*cker who has a rooster near my living quarters needs to shoot it and eat it and let me sleep in til 7 AM. STUPID F*CKING BIRD.

For some reason, I can sleep through fire engines, car alarms, police, etc...I cna even sleep thorugh the alarm of the building BELOW MY HOUSE when they are getting robbed...

but I can't sleep through this damn bird.

On a lighter note, here's a poem:

title:Nature vs. Nurture
When the day
is truly dead and buried

the night whispers

by lifting sheets of color
and replacing them
with sheets of gray.

Under woven shadows
the ocean fondles the shore

we sit miles away

to sea lions joking
across the sea

jealous that

we fight
for a handshake

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Hrmph. - Mood:Good
Saturday October 20 20075:07:31 PM |
Should I...

a) Ask my friends if they would f*ck a chick on the rag...

b) Smoke a bowl before my parents get here

c) Eat another one of those chocolate covered strawberries

d) Light the skull candle on my desk on fire

e) Continue looking up "Burns" in the dream dictionary

f) Cry about the fact that my family, including my schizophrenic brother are about to get here and I'm too stoned and hungover to even bother dealing with them

g) Make someone a card

h) Go to hell

i) Wash my face and brush my teeth

j) Change my name to something cooler

k) Continue planning out my trip to Europe, even though it's hella days away

L) Grow some balls under my vag to help me get the courage to ask my parents for $$ to help fund my trip to Europe. I'm going to try to use it as my "graduation" gift

m) Take a nap. I feel like I need one.

n) Write a poem

o) Listen and john frusicante talk to me in ways only certain people can

p) Call my friend to come over an

There are 14 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

PS - Mood:Good
Friday October 19 20072:32:24 PM |
When you touch me
I shiver
even though I am
than you.


we put the bike
whose wheels won't
stop turning.


Dust sparkles
in light
from windows;


It's like tripping
on rugs after running
over gnarled roots


I ate too much food last night and ended up spending like 20 minutes puking b/c I was too full. Last night, when I came home after drinking/smoking/watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas at the movie theater...I ate:

A handfull of chocolate covered cherries
a bagel with cream cheese, salami, tomatoes and spinach
Chicken noodle soup in which I added peas
more salami
and bagel bites.


Lots of vomiting. throat hurts....

I'm texting my friend right now. We are exercizing her psychic abilities through t

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`Lo and Behold, I`m Stoned... - Mood:Good
Thursday October 18 20074:43:30 AM |
but my mind is a freeway.

I was hoping this would go away

I'm not even at a sad or low point in my life, but my insecurities are becoming rampant and I loved...


then again, my face is oily, I've been horny, and also craving chocolate and salt...

which means all signs point to::::::>PMS!!

Yay. But, in reality, this guy I really really liked just got a girlfriend . Boo. Oh well, he'll be in and out of my life forever.

At least that's how I feel. And, if things went like I think they did, that means I'll probably see him weekly for the next year, so I'm not that upset I guess. He's still alive...

I wnat my f*ck buddy here though. I want someone to warm up my hands and hold me.


I can't bring it to that level or else I'm afraid I'll start to become too attached. I've already named the puppy, even though I don't want to take him home with me.

Ack, life.

But, everything overall is good. I had a great night. I...

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same poem - Mood:Good
Monday October 15 20072:04:35 AM |
Just continued revisions.

It's *this* much closer to done. It's going through a workshop on tuesday or thursday. I'm just saving this here.

Last Sunday
when I learned you liked pears
over the peach
I laid behind you,
tracing stars on your back with my middle finger,
imitating ones the tenant before
had painted red on your backdoor.

I listened to it rain.

I watched you breathe,
Frantically trying to breathe like you,
tantrically with you,
(out while you out)
(out while you in)
(in while you out)
(in while you in)
but my lungs were filled with blood.

Desperately I tried to make my heart
beat in rhythm with yours
as I pressed
my chest
against the warm flat of your back-
full well knowing
my heart can only murmur.

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STATIC AGE - Mood:Good
Sunday October 14 200711:20:04 PM |
This is a static age.


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What goes up must come down.. - Mood:Good
Sunday October 14 20078:13:48 PM |
I've been on such an emotional and mental and basically LIFE high lately, I'm kind of afraid of what's going to happen...

Friday: I got into the very competitive creative writing concentration at my university
I talked to the guy I am f*cking's ex-gf, and now we are on good terms. She said I'm a decent successor...
Went to a party and got drunk wtih great people, thus having great conversations and ultimately a great time.

Saturday: Hung out with my good friend here and got stoned and pedicures
Went to a concert at an irish pub
went dancing
went to a party where my f*ck buddy just happened to be which means I had a fun night and morning

and now I'm at work, working on my homework and internetting.

Life is good.
Good job.
Good education.
Good friends.
Good sex.

I haven't had things work out this fantastically in my life.

Which brings the fear of losing something precious or valuable. I'm afraid someone is going to die

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