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Female, 28 years old
land locked , ., Western US

  Offline - Last On: 57 mins ago

37 Buddies
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40,190 Posts | Member Since: 12/21/2001
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Interests: Poetry / Music / Cats / Writing / Philosophy
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Birthday:1/15/1986 (28 Years Old)
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Settling.. - Mood:Good
Wednesday September 26 20075:34:14 AM |
so, how many of you would settle for a guy who liked you but you didn't like back?

I know a lot of people do this. I learned about it in one of my classes; people tend to lower their standards or "settle" easier as they age, mostly because they don't want to be lonely anymore.


I was thinking about this, and given my current situation..

I don't think I could ever settle for less than I want. What about you guys?

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Dammit. Dammitdammitdammit! - Mood:Good
Monday September 24 20076:42:35 PM |
So, this guy came over last night. We had been on a couple dates and such, and I was tired so I invited him to my house so we could chill and like watch TV and stuff.

I initially planned to break things off with him because he has a crazy ex and he's not my type of guy. At all. I can already tell we don't have a lot in common, and though we click, frankly, I'm not that attacted to him.


We ended up hooking up. I was trying to be all obnoxious and boring so maybe he would just I smoked him out (he's kinda a square bear), and he didn't.

And we hooked up.

And needless to say it was some of the best hook-ups that I have had. He's into kink, which totally works for me.

Basically, we're very very sexually compatible.

But i still don't want to be with him! Blah. Would it be wrong of me to keep him around for sex? How am I supposed to bring this up??

I think I'm going to say something along the lines of..

There are 23 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Saturday September 22 20075:59:08 AM |
So, I'm kinda dating this guy, and I went to this party where both he and his ex-gf were attending.

Needless to say, she was such a B*TCH to me. She would shove (not push, SHOVE me when she walked by), she would loudly and obnoxiously shoot down every idea I had or anything I would say (ie, I love the mars volta, and she went on about why they sucked WITHOUT sufficient reasoning), and she tried to make out with every guy I ended up talking to.

She tried to make out with the 2 guys I came with, and they were so disgusted by her it's funny.

Then, THEN

I was about to leave, and she was like, oh, Andrew would be really hurt if you didn't say good-bye to him, I'm hix ex-girlfriend, blah blah blah.

And all I could say was "This is really weird"

because it f*cking was. And I was drunk and high and i didn't need to deal with daram ex-gfs. c*nt rags! all of 'em.

So, I think I'm going to break it off with this guy. Not only is she close with the group I'm slowly getting admi

There are 8 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

drunk biking - Mood:Good
Friday September 21 20075:37:25 AM |
I made it home safelly. Yay!!

Now i"m on the internetzor. Yay!!

Umm yeah. I went to see a nighttime showing of A Clockwork Orange on the big screen, (really high, duh) and it was a-f*ckin-mazing. I've always wanted to see ACO on the big screen- i'm super happy they decided to show it.

Then I went to a friends house and played apples to apples drunkenly.

Now i"m back here.

today was my crushes birthday, and i made him a cake and we went out to sushi. I owe him like 20 bucks lol because i was going to pay for his lunch..then i forgot my wallet.

'but we didn"t hang out all night, I feel kinda rejected.

a*shole. whatever. I had a great time.

Tomorrow i'm going to a 21st brithday extravaganza at the house i was at tonight.

saturday i'm going on a party bus in san francisco (clubs and bars0

and then i have work at 7:30 AM on sunday morning

but i'm happy now and that's all that matter


There are 13 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

best friends 21st (pictures) - Mood:Good
Wednesday September 19 20076:14:18 AM |

Went to san fran
smoked/drank at her house
went to cheesecake factory (ate & drank)
went to bar (drank more)
came home and smoked
went to bed around 3

ya know, normal 21st b-day stuff...

the one on top in red is the birthday girl

us again

taxi panic

"no you're not hardcore"

There are 14 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

wake and bake! - Mood:Good
Sunday September 16 20071:18:15 PM |
I'm texting my neighbors to smoke but i'm getting no response.

I know they are awake.

My swedish friend just left, he stayed the night (again)

He slept on the couch.

For breakfast I'm having chocolate soymilk, and a banana mushed up in my vanilla yogurt. Yummy!

I need to eat breakfast more often.

I woke up at 9:30. This is the earliest I've been awake in a loooong time.

My neighbor just responded. I'll be back!

There are 16 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Heres a poem. heres a pantoum! - Mood:Good
Friday September 14 200710:00:58 PM |
title: identity room
poem type: pantoum
what I need: critique and help (i'm adding this one to my portfolio)

Discovering who I am
the world opens a previously locked door
I am no longer a cow, sheep or a lamb
My feet are firmly placed on the floor

The world opened a locked door
Where it leads? I do not know
My feet are firmly placed on the floor
Expecting my identity to show.

Who am I? I do not know.
Though I know I belong to myself
I need my identity to show
For so long I've been sitting on the same shelf

I know I belong to myself.
I am my own puppet, my own doll
I've been sitting on that suburban shelf
But now I am in this chasmic hall

Being my own puppet, my own doll
No longer a cow, sheep or a lamb
I venture through the door in the hall
discovering who I am.

There are 17 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

eating organic - Mood:Good
Friday September 14 20071:57:45 PM |
So, I've been eating healthier lately (well, not since my swedish friend came, 'cause I've been taking him out and about to eat) but, when he's not around, I tend to eat healthier.

Lately I've been purchasing a lot of organic fruits and veggies, more so just because they are available at Trader Joes and Shopper's Corner (some local place across the street).

Yet, I'm not completely sure on the benefits of eating organic. I mean, I know they aren't using pesticides, which is definitely better for my body- and they do contain more vitamins and such, but I still don't know what the big deal is.

They tend to be smaller than the "manufactured" fruits/veggies/milk whatever, and they all taste the same.

I dunno, I guess I just don't understand the trend. I feel the same...I think...

maybe I should try to go on a strictly organic diet and see how I feel.

What do you guys think?

There are 45 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

25 pounds down, 10 more to go.. - Mood:Good
Wednesday September 12 20074:59:18 AM |
until I reach my next goal . Then it'll be about 30-40 pounds after that...which I think I can do.

My legs hurt pretty bad, I went on a bike ride today for about 3 was fun though. We ran our errands and biked up the coast. Though I did eat pizza, ice cream and candy , but that's about all I ate so I think it will level if I didn't work out more.

So, for the past 3 days, I've been hanging out with this swedish dude I met at my hotel. He's studying abroad here for a year, and I'm helping him acquaint himself with the area.

So far I've taken him to bars, a kegger, smoked him out, helped him get a cell phone, showed him REAL mexican food, and today we set up his bank account.

I think we might be spending too much time together; I feel like I have a boyfriend, without the sex.

It's like I got my gay best friend back! ('cause the real one moved to LA)

though I don't think this guy is gay. We'll see

There are 13 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

So that swedish guy I asked to come to the bars with me a few weeks ago... - Mood:Good
Monday September 10 20076:39:15 AM |
is now sleeping in my living room.

Haha, I totally swooped on him. He's so innocent and naive, and I feel like I'm completely corrupting him. He slept here last night as well, since I invited him to his first kegger lol.

And he's been stoned the past few days.

I don't know if I like him. He's really nice, and he's super cute, but he's not a Dom and that could eventually break the deal.

BUT i've been enjoying his company. Hell, I don't even think he likes me like that but we've been hanging out A LOT (on account that he doens't have any other friends)

so my friend from san fran came out to the part last night, I'm really glad i got to see her.

Back to Dom status, I went on a date wiht a guy into S/m the other day, and he has yet to call me. We went out on friday, so I'm assuming he's doing the 3 day rule.

I met him at a party last week. We kissed a couple times on the date, but I ended up paying for it and well..

he was kinda boring.

BUT we'd have great sex.

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I have yet another bum story - Mood:Good
Friday September 07 20074:44:33 AM |
So, there is this guy I see all the time in a wheel chair, and a couple weeks ago, on the way back from a party- my friend and I decided to help him up this hill he was going since he seemed to be having a rather difficult time.

Anyways, I've ran into him a few times and had short conversations with him, but tonight...I had about a 3 hour in depth conversation about his life.

It was really, really, really sad. His daughter had been taken away from him, then his ex-wife commited suicide (she was borderline w/OCD...which led to his daughter being taken away [she had lied to CPS about info about him because of her mental instability])

and he told me how he lost his leg to diabetes, and broke his other leg in a hospital in which they didn't care for him b/c they forgot he was there...

amongst other things.

I don't know what it is about me. I'll say it once and I'll say it again- people always, ALWAYS tell me their life stories.

It's weird.

Now it's your turn.

There are 25 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

"So good to see you; I`ve missed you so much." - Mood:Good
Thursday September 06 20075:39:14 AM |
The tone of maynards voice in this song kills me. Kills me! It makes me want to cry, it's kinda weird.

Anyways, I'm kinda lonely/homesick or something. I guess I'm not homesick, but I miss being with people who love me.

Not that I'm not loved here, but I miss that unconditional love my parents and best friends give me. I need love, and I need it now.

But I guess I can wait. I've met 3 guys worth dating within the past week, so hopefully one of them will lead to something little more fulfilling than this empty existence I've been floating around in for the past 8 months.

I'll find someone.
I'll find something.
Hopefully soon- but I guess I'm not ready yet.


I just wish I could let myself love and be loved!

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I think I (me, moi, yo) just asked a guy out! - Mood:Good
Wednesday September 05 20076:02:08 AM |
So, I work at a hotel as a receptionist, right?

And this REALLY CUTE GUY from Sweden is studying abroad here, and staying at my hotel 'til he can find a place. flirted, then we added eachother on MSN and talked while he was in his hotel room looking for housing and I was downstairs working the desk.

While I was working SO HARD, a friend I haven't seen since June called me to tell me he was back in town and that he was getting a group together to go to the bars.

SO, I invited my new friend. At first he declined, because he was ill, but then a few minutes later accepted my invite.

We were so flirty/sexual, but no touchy touchy. It was great. I want to see him again, but I don't know how to do it. I don't have any of his info except his MSN.

But he sounded like he'd want to hang out again- so I guess we'll just wait and see...

There are 8 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

my clitoris itches - Mood:Good
Sunday September 02 20073:57:37 AM |
but I don't really want to bother scratching it 'cause then my fingers will smell all vagina-like.

Though I AM alone, so I guess it doesn't matter.

I think I might have found someone to share my bed with soon- so that should be fun and interesting. I'm definitely looking forward to the next couple of weeks.

How goes the life of the workinghorse?

well it's slow but not dying
fast when ahead
while mediocrely eating
and sleeping
and reading time away



I do what I want.

Anyone care to smoke a bowl conmigo? I'm about to light up and I think we should have a YT smoke sess.

who is down?

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Partees - Mood:Good
Saturday September 01 20077:01:13 PM |
So I went to a party last night, and had a blast. I'm so happy I had a good time, it's been awhile.

So, basically, a friend of a friend of a friend graduated and got a keg of newcastle.

I drank, danced to Daft Punk in the dark, had intense existentialist conversations with a cute boy (almost made a move), then stumbled back to my place with 2 good friends, smoked some weed and climbed onto my rooftop to watch the meteor shower.

I don't think I went to sleep until around 6 AM.

Great times.

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Exercise... - Mood:Good
Thursday August 30 20073:20:14 AM |
so..I did absolutely NOTHING today, but I happened to bike around for about an hour earlier today and a half an hour around 9.

So I still have all this pent up energy that I would like to do something active with. I will probably do yoga before I go to sleep, but do any of you have any good ideas for indoor workouts? I don't usually workout indoors...

and I have a headache, so nothing to strenuous on my neck/back.

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Blah de blah de blah, of **c* *t* **t8* - Mood:Good
Monday August 27 20075:10:41 PM |
Damn straight.

I have a bunch of stupid sh*t to do today, like eat (I woke up at 1..blah), clean my house, go downtown to get money for ganja, bike around for a bit, pay some bills...

ugh, another responsibility day. Oh well, I need these occasionally to feel productive, 'cause Lord knows work makes me feel more unproductive than I've ever felt in my life, and I'm currently out of school...

I think the only times I feel productive these days are when I bike around or write. Yet, I've had such horrid writer's block lately that every time I sit down to write, I draw! I love my drawings, but they won't help me on my portfiolio due that's coming up.

"The horror, oh the horror.

I just need to rant. Hope you all have productive days!

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Warding off writer`s block - Mood:Good
Saturday August 25 20074:37:25 AM |
with stupid animal limericks! (plus I love to draw stupid pictures)

There once was a crane named Mr. Trolling
something he loved to do was drink wine and go bowling!
He would try to throw the ball
but he'd stagger and fall
and instead it'd be he that'd be rolling!

The once lived the good giraffe, Cliff Clive
Every Sunday after church he'd deep sea dive.
One day he encountered a whale-
a whale that broke ALL of the scarles-
it was then Cliff was eaten alive.

There had been a mouse who ate cheese
but in the summer he still wore long sleeves
One day he had an itch
and it annoyed like a b*tch
so he got up and yelled,"F*ck you fleas!"

The sun, she went out to play,
and wanted him to have a good day-
instead she melted his cheese
gave him a disease
so now in the ground he lay.

Everyone knew the rattlesnake, Pi
who will sit around all day and get high...
on tuesdays he would sit and bake

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Massive Attack - Mood:Good
Thursday August 23 20076:17:31 PM |
rocks. I've been listening to them a lot lately.

I had a friend stay with me for a couple days, and now I really miss her. She is my new good friend, if that makes sense, and I really like hanging out with her. I miss having a good girl friend who likes to do the same sh*t as me! She's moving back to town soon.

I haven't had a roommate for this month, and living by yourself is different. I like it, but I get lonely more frequently.

A lot of drawing and reading...and smoking alone...

I just smoked a bowl; I initially planned on only smoking a couple hits but this sh*t is good and half way through I forgot that I had work in 40 minutes and ended up smoking the whole thing.

Damn, now I'm going to be spacey at work. Oh well, it's not like I do anything beyond read and draw there anyways.

I've been reading..and drawing..a lot lately. I need to focus more on my writing, but I've been rather uninspired lately.

I think it's because I'm content.

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Princeton review labeled my school 4th.. - Mood:Good
Wednesday August 22 20074:11:43 AM |
for reefer madness!

haha. But it also got:
#8 for most beautiful campus
as well as a best in the west and a best college value.

I love my school

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Pizza! - Mood:Good
Tuesday August 21 200712:26:05 AM |
I got really good bud today, and have been craving pizza madly because of it. Soooo i went to trader joe's, got some of their garlic dough along with vegetables for toppings..

and now i'm making a (hopefully) delicious salami/bell pepper/onion/garlic/tomato/avocado pizza.

I'm also making it for work tomorrow, because I don't get a lunch break or anything so I figure i can just refridgerate most of it.

I'm excited! It's gonna be delicious. I'm also gonna smoke myself retarded before hand, I haven't done THAT in a long time. I've been stoned, but not with weed as good as this, so I'm just going to go ahead and let myself get rippppped.

I'm excited.

All my friends have plans. I have nothing to do tonight. Ha, this is how I spend my time. Cooking, smoking..and i'll probably end up finishing my vonnegut book tonight.

yay! I'm so unproductively productive!

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oh, to be part of the working community again - Mood:Good
Sunday August 19 200711:53:05 PM |
is not so fun.

It's officially day number 3 of working and...AND...I'm bored as all hell when I'm there alone.

It's so easy.

Whatever, at least I don't have to do busy work. I wound up writing a couple poems and read some of a kurt vonnegut short story book I'm reading (I can't remember the title, it's a little odd). So that was...productive.

I had a great f*cking weekend though. So, obviously thurs I shroomed, then fri my friend came to look for housing and she stayed with me. and I had some people over and we drank then hit the bars.

saturday we went to a wine tasting shindig, got some wine and had ice cream, then went to trader joe's where a crazy lady proceeded to tell us that alcohol leads to herpes and about how she has them.

Then we made some pizza (totally fun) smoked, drank more wine and listened to music.

The other girls didn't want to go, so my friend and I went to a free show downtown

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trippin - Mood:Good
Friday August 17 20073:09:13 AM |
So I decided to do some shroomage tonight, I took them about 4 hours ago, so I'm still tripping but I'm basically done. I drew some amazing pictures, too bad I can't show them to you guys...

I also felt like I came to 3 epiphanies. I mean, I had the feeling that I was coming to an epiphany for a really, really long time, and then FINALLY one came. But it wasn't anything I didn't already inherently know, it just...


if that made sense. It's basically stuff I told myself over and over again but never truly believed, but now I get it. Now I believe.

And it gave me a happiness and contentment I haven't felt in a long while. I needed this to make everything make sense, but only by making it extremely chaotic first.

Now I'm listening to Tool

I think I should draw more, and I want to write, but I don't feel like I can produce anything worth reading. I never do while I'm shrooming..

how goes it?

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alaskan adventurings (photo journal) - Mood:Good
Wednesday August 15 20075:58:49 PM |
I don't know what's going on, it won't let me upload my pictures! I can't even get them on photobucket. But, while I figure it out, I'll leave you guys to look at this one, the one that made it through.

There are 40 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I hate guys, but only sometimes. - Mood:Good
Wednesday August 15 20075:32:10 AM |
Especially when they are confusing.

I have a guy friend I like, but not a lot- because I'm never given the opportunity to like him more than a friend.

We hang out every couple weeks or so, but only on his schedule. I don't really initiate the hanging-outs, he does. He like, keeps me close but far away. It's weird.

And our hanging outs are always so awkward, we've been friends for about 7 months, and there hasn't been a single like...non-awkward hang out. Maybe it's cause there is a lot of sexual tension, but that might also only be from my perspective.

There's a lot of silences.


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