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Female, 86 years old
., ., Western US

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45,463 Posts | Member Since: 12/21/2001
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Longing - Mood:Good
Monday May 05 20086:58:04 AM |
(I finally got this sh*t done!)

It's supposed to be read over/in response to the first 45 seconds of John Frusciante's song, untitled #2,found here

and esthetically, the first four stanzas are supposed to be on the far left of the page, and next to it are the last four stanzas on the far right of the page. The second half is the front half, backwards.

back into
turning slowly.
ripping. Stripping
presents in past lives.

the footsteps
from front doors
to back doors.
gripping, slipping.
Everyone survives.

after worms,
found gardens
covered with
green broken glass.
Shining, confining
me, like heartless wives.

The ocean,
the waves.
his next to mine.
Defining, declining
openly deprived.

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I am having such a weird day so far & I need to write an essay - Mood:Good
Sunday May 04 20089:33:16 PM |
I swear my days are getting weirder and weirder. Sometimes I don't think I can handle the absurdity of it...lately it's been hard for me to keep a straight face when it comes to life. It really is getting very bizarre.

The day started rather normal, I woke up a little late-- had some interesting dreams about missing the bus and not being able to get anywhere because I didn't have a bike.

Slowly got ready and came to work. Once at work, I checked in a couple crackheads to a hotel room. Missing teeth, can't understand a word they say, the whole sha-bang.

Then, crackhead lady comes and asks for 4 shampoos because "she has a lot of hair." She didn't have a lot of hair, but I gave it to her because it's cheap ass hotel shampoo and I don't really care.

Then my bosses come back, and crackhead needs help opening the door because he forgot what room he was in. So my boss goes to take care of that, and in the process she goes and has some words with some people being loud in

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Lucid Dreaming - Mood:Good
Sunday May 04 20085:01:00 AM |
I've been trying to induce lucid dreaming for the past few weeks, months, years or so.

Awhile ago I did the dream diary thing, to no avail.

Recently I smoked some mugwort, but didn't fall asleep in time to feel the effects.

Tonight I took about 6mg of melatonin, it's supposed to help induce at least if not lucid dreams.

for those lucid dreams enthusiasts on YT, what do you do?

I really want to just be able to do whatever the hell I want. I don't even know where i'd begin...

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I`m falling in love with Bob Flanagan - Mood:Good
Saturday May 03 20089:26:07 PM |

I'm hella bored at work. There are absolutely no vacancies, and everybody has been checked in. Which means I've been sitting on my ass reading. I'm going in between THe Outlaw Bible of American Poetry and Nine Stories by JD Salinger.

Both are beautiful, and are fulfilling me in ways I can imagine.

Before work I was at a mexican fiesta for cinco de mayo, but everyone works/schools on monday so we're doing it a few days early. Too bad I had to leave, but I had some excellent chicken tacos.

For everyone that doesn't live in California, when you visit california...or better yet visit mexico..and get some REAL mexican food. I had some "mexican" in colorado and I thought I was at baja fresh. Wtf.

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is this wrong? should I go talk about it? - Mood:Good
Saturday May 03 20084:45:35 AM |
I don't know how to handle awkward situations very well, being as I, myself, am the epitome of awkward.

I always just make things worse

Anyways, so this guy who I had slept with about a month ago is back, and chilling next door with my neighbors. I think he thought he was going to sleep with me again, but word trickled to me that he said I was "disturbed and a broken soul."

Granted, I have no attachment to him, but those are pretty harsh things to say about someone. I could confront him about it, btu I won't, because I don't have the balls to do so.

Anyways, so I left to take one of my friends home (he was on acid...that was interesting as well) and I just never went back there, though I know they all expected me to.

I came home instead.

Yet, my neighbors and I share a wall.

'Is it f*cked up that I totally bounced? I think he thought he was going to sleep with me again, and I'm positive he doesn't even know anything is wrong.

I'm torn. I think I'm gonna l

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What feeling do you get from this song????????!??!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??? - Mood:Good
Friday May 02 20084:23:18 AM |
That's right. Look at my amazing ability to shift and press buttons.

Anyways, so I have to write a poem for a class that is trans-genre, so I'm thinking about writing in response to this song, over the song, represented in technicolor.

I have an idea to what emotion I think this song conveys, and I just want to see what feeling you guys received from it. Get some outsider bias, because I could just be associating this song with that feeling because that is what I feel momentarily.


the feeling I chose I reveal later. It's one that can be defined, but difficult to explain. Which means I'm gonna have a b*tch of a time writing this piece.

I smoked some more mugwort tonight. I still really want to lucid dream, but I don't think it will happen because I want it to. It might be one of those things that occurs becacuse it has to (ie introspection).

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Some as*hole stole my bike. - Mood:Good
Thursday May 01 200812:08:29 AM |
Somebody came up our stairwell, onto our balcony, and stole my f*cking bike.

Which means I'll have to leave at least half an hour early to get anywhere I need to go.

F*ck dammit. I can probably get a cheap one speed bike, but it's so hilly around here...I don't wanna kill myself!!

UGH I'm very irritated.

I need my bike. I use it a lot. I don't know why people think they can just take other people's stuff.

I hope he gets good crack out of it or something. I know this person wouldn't steal my bike to feed thair family.


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Mugwort - Mood:Good
Wednesday April 30 20083:42:44 AM |
So, I've often expressed my inability, though intensely strong desire to lucid dream when in the presence of my friends and acquaintances. I find it to be a good ice breaker, topic of conversation, and a good way to move into the movie "Waking Life" and ultimately philosophical discourse generally revolving around the meaning of life.

Anyways, so today I was discussing with a group of friends Melatonin and the dream response, when one of my friends informed me about Mugwort, and happened to have some onhand. So...about an hour ago, I smoked a 1/3 a bowl of bud and 2/3's a bowl of Mugwort.

I hope I lucid dream, and I hope it's good. I need a good dream, my psyche is all out of whack.

Offhand note:

that's an interesting article. I mean, f*cking duh we have an overwhelmingly racist police force, but it's an interesting read none-the-less.

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A Story of Insignificant Events - Mood:Good
Monday April 28 20083:18:28 AM |
I Stared out the window anticipating my next move. The sliding window cover was gray and brought me back to a time when I was younger, and y grandmother's thick ashy curls would sweep across my face as she held me in love's embrace.

"Don't be afraid my dear, fear is only confusion in disguise..."

Her voiced trailed off and my memory fell out of focus like a lost photograph as the ever-pressing DING-ING informed me that it was time again to put on my seat belt.

Nobody else moved as I struggled to clasp the metal beast around my waist. I looked around and had noticed that my little over-head light was the last one left flickering; everyone else had welcomed the Sandman into their personal space.

I reached my hand out to life the flap when an unwelcomed shadow startled me back into position.


The stewardess, with her neatly pressed uniform and bright, red, plastic smile, stood next to me motionless; a modern day David-ette.

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I`m poor. again. - Mood:Good
Sunday April 27 20087:26:15 PM |
But that's OK! Because I just spent my money booking a eurail flexi pass, 3 night hostel stay in amsterdam, and a flight from dublin to leeds.

So at least my money went well spent. Hopefully

i'm so excited for my eurotrip. My best friend and I are going, we're doing the backpacking/train travel/hostel thing.

I want to camp out on beaches somewhere, but I know she isn't into that type of travel. I'll talk her into it though!

I know for sure we're going to the vatican, louvre, jim morrison's grave, a couple "haunted castles" in ireland, the guiness tour, the berlin wall...athens.

Yikes! I'm so excited.

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A vagabond just propositioned me for sex/Gogol Bordello! - Mood:Good
Saturday April 26 20088:48:04 PM |
Ha! I laughed in his face. If you guys read my poetry ever, he's the pirate. He visits me every so often, and we shoot the sh*t.

Today though, he started telling me how this girl didn't get him off and stole his cigarettes. Then he asked if he could be my "dutch uncle" and if I had some privacy to get a good 5 or 10 minutes in. He said it would be quick, lol.

But I'm at work, and he's a bum, so I said no. But I told him I'm taken, and he told me I was pretty. Ha! I laughed at him. We had a good time. Then he had some of the continental coffee and went on his way.

I'm going to go see Gogol Bordello! Yay! I'm super excited for that. I'm going to pick up a bottle of carlo rossi (i know..) right after work and I'm shooting over to my friends place, where we're gonna get sh*tty then walk to the show. I'm thinking of wearing purple....

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Grateful Dead! - Mood:Good
Friday April 25 20083:54:48 AM |
best e-mail received from school...evar:

Grateful Dead Archives Given to UCSC
April 24, 2008

To: Members of the UCSC Community
Fr: Ginny Steel, University Librarian
Re: Grateful Dead Archives Given to UCSC

It is a thrill to write to tell you that the surviving members of the iconic rock 'n' roll band, the Grateful Dead, have selected the UCSC Library as the permanent home for their substantial archive of materials documenting the band's history. The collection will be the largest donation ever made to the library's Special Collections Department, and it includes more than 2,000 square feet of memorabilia, artifacts, and other documents. This incomparable archive will undoubtedly become a major resource for research related to the Grateful Dead, the phenomenon of the Deadheads, American music, and popular culture during the last three decades of the 20th century.

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alcohol drinkers everywhere!!! - Mood:Good
Tuesday April 22 20084:15:49 AM |
Paul Anka is an alcohol, right? I keep on looking it up but I keep on finding the person. Lame! Help, i Need it for a poem.
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4:20 - Mood:Good
Sunday April 20 20086:59:05 AM |
anyone care to light up in about twenty minutes?

it's gonna be 4:20 AM in california.

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I feel so good about myself. - Mood:Good
Saturday April 19 200810:24:05 PM |

so on top of being kicked off facebook for basically being a degenerate, my friend decided to tell me that a guy who I had slept with said I was "disturbed" and a "broken soul."


it's not like I don't already struggle with that stigma of myself. My feelings are kinda hurt.
Ah, well. C'est la vie.

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I got banned - Mood:Good
Saturday April 19 20087:10:59 PM |
from facebook.

For having raunchy pictures (which I considered artistic) as my main pic and in an album.



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Pirate revised - Mood:Good
Saturday April 19 20084:06:35 AM |

pirate attempt numero dos

I. Physical
I eye the skull
and crossbones etched inside
his flexing right calf.
When he saked for coffee
with a sideways smile-
what was left of his teeth
were over-ripe banana yellow.
From where I was standing,
they smelled sweet.
I followed the wrinkles on
his neck, an irrigation system fro his sweat,
to the gray cloth he uses to cover
his receding hairline.
"Is that underwear on your head?"
"No. It's the corner of a bed sheet?
Why does everyone ask me that?"

II. Mental
He stumbled in drunkenly-
I expected a prosthetic leg.
"I partied with some people
here last night. Room 105.
Can I go swimming?
Or is that a stupid question?"
When he came back for more
coffee- the steam wafted
insecurely out th door.
He asked if I lived here.
When I said no, he apologized
for being retarded.

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I met a pirate today. - Mood:Good
Thursday April 17 200811:07:20 PM |
And I'm currently reading "Nine Stories" by JD Salinger. Which inspired me to write this.


I. Physical
I eyed the skull and
crossbones etched on the inside
of his right calf.
When he asked for coffee with
a sideways smile,
he had more gums than teeth.
"Is that underwear on your head?"
"No. It's teh corner of a sheet. why does everyone ask me that?"

II. Mental
He stumbled in as if he had a prosthetic leg.
"I partied with some people here last night,
can I go swimming?
Or is that a stupid question."
He partied with my muse
who wore white stripes
and black boots.
Room 105.
After he was done swimming,
I asked if he lived around here.
"In this motel?"
"Of course not. I must be retarded"

III. Emotional

I met a girl in Palo Alto. I brought her here and she changed. She took of her black stompin' boots and traded them in for a pair of w

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Youthink, Idontthink... - Mood:Good
Thursday April 10 200811:45:21 PM |
i've ever been as tired as I f*cking am right now.

Yesterday I played raquetball for like the first time EVAR and I woke up a little sore from that....and today my cardio kickboxing class decided to focus on upper body. Yay!

I'm already sore. And it's not even tomorrow yet. I'm scared of how Im gonna wake up...

The power went out around town this morning so helllla people were late to class (cause our alarms didn't go off!!!), including myself. My teacher didn't really mind though.

I had lunch with a girl I haven't really talked to in awhile (she has a boyfriend). That was nice. My stalker showed up. surprise surprise.

then i had kickboxing and went home, ate, and then went straight to work.

i don't know why i'm so exhausted though. wtf.

i'm supposed to get beers after work, but a) I'm hella tired and b) i don't know when I'll be getting off..


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Halo-halo! - Mood:Good
Monday April 07 20085:21:14 AM |
We gathered around the table as usual. My father at the head, red, like a picked zit. To his right decayed my Nana, born in Italy either 93 or 94 years ago. She has 2 birth certificates. She floated through a century. To his left an empty chair. My mother’s in the kitchen cleaning up the pansit and lumpia, getting ready to prepare dessert. Jamie, can you help me? Dolly, related to my mother and brother, sits in the next chair. Ashley, 22, in the next. Her dad died 8 years ago to the day. I was in the next chair. Rich Aunt Donna sat to the left. Between Nana and her daughter Donna, Jerry. They had been to the Amazon & Singapore & Africa & Australia. We go there for cultural awareness.
They claim.

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Weight loss suggestions! (did yt just change it``s format?) - Mood:Good
Sunday April 06 20088:51:05 PM |
Bah. I'm eating healthy/well, and working out at least 5 days a week and I'm not getting any real results, minus looking better...

but the scale is saying I'm gaining weight rather than losing. And not just a couple pounds, 5 pounds! I'm scurrred.


the real reason I'm posting is because...

did YT just change it's format? I'm weirded out.

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wanna see something really weird & cool? - Mood:Good
Sunday April 06 20085:03:27 AM |
let's salsa babe!

Yeah, I didn"t realize what I was watching for a's...interesting.

Anyways, I want to learn to salsa.
There's a lot of stuff I want to do, that I *hope* I will get into after I graduate.

I want to learn to salsa.
I want to take more spanish classes.
I want to get my TESL/TEFL and teach abroad for a year.
I want to work at a suicide help line.
I want to road trip the US of A.

Oh gosh, there is SO much I have to experience before I go to grad school! Who knows when I'll go back!?!

Ah, well.

Do we have any salsa dancers here?

Talk to me.

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I`m seriously tired of living right now. - Mood:Good
Saturday April 05 20082:53:24 AM |

A guy I like *probably* doesn't like me.

I missed an egg hunt/HELLA FUN PARTY today because I had to go to school and work.

My whole f*cking life for the next 3 months will revolve around school and work. When I'm not at school, I'm at work. When I'm not at work, I'm at school.

The little time in between is spent at the gym or asleep in my bed.

I have no friends here. I have neighbors who are friends that I to death, but the "friends" that I made started dating each other and sh*t and disappeared into the relationship abyss.

I am currently at work, if you're wondering.

People are weird. I'm PMSING like crazy, every other word makes me cry.

My teacher mentioned something about schizophrenia today and class- and it was so...degrading. I hate the way schizophrenia is perceived in our society. I've probably seen it at some of it's most loathing and violent, and it's still nothing like it's perceived.

I dunno. I guess I'm just...sad...

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I had a really bizarre day. - Mood:Good
Friday April 04 20084:21:11 AM |
I ran into a lot of people...and talked to a lot of's strange.

Started out normally, went to class and the like.
Ran into my friend Zoe walking down a hill, walked & talked with her for a bit.
Ran into Dylan sitting on a log, and had him tell me stories about when he traveled around Guatemala for 7 months.
Ran into Katie in the make-up aisle at Longs, exchanged numbers, gonna hang out.
Accidently called my friend Gaia, and unintentionally made plans to hang out.
Nick was over visiting, got into an argument over whether or not it's worth it trying to achieve knowing everything (even though it's impossible)
Went to work- Steven, a wheel-chair bound neighbor of my work came and talked to me about 40 minutes and brought me a flower.
3 young bums came in offering to work and 45 bucks for room. turned them down.
1 old man bum came in asking for change- drunk as sh*t.
1 old lady bum came in and talked to me for days, used my phone where she had t

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I`m having such a stupid long day! - Mood:Good
Friday April 04 200812:17:34 AM |
Class from 12-2 then kickboxing from 3:30-4:30, then a bus/walk home...

then work from 6-12.

Which is where I am now.

I'm tired. And I have a lot of reading and writing to do, by monday though- thank god it's not tomorrow...

blaaaah. The life of a college student is amazing, but sometimes, it really really sucks.

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