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Female, 30 years old
ny, Eastern US

  Offline - Last On: 30days 16 hours ago

18 Buddies
27 Subscribers
25,966 Profile Views
47,830 Posts | Member Since: 7/25/2002
Link to this profile:

i won`t have to anymore jon groff

Interests: Dogs / Dancing / Games / Poetry / Singing
Homepage: (None)
Birthday:10/11/1985 (30 Years Old)
IM Type: MSN IM Name:
Occupation: Dancer
Marital Status: Dating
Sexual Preference: (Decline to State)
Religion: Buddhist
Politics: (Decline to State)
Fav. Movie: good will hunting, you`ve got mail, dead poets
Fav. TV Show: House, macgyver, poker
Fav. Book: Without You by Anthony Rapp
Fav. Song: i like broadway :-) and singer/songwriters
Fav. Food: free. i like free food. i`m health nut though
Fav. Car: bah. walkings where its at
Theme 'evanescence2' created by NicolesLove
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Ok someone help me figure out my life. This specific part anyway. - Mood:Good
Tuesday January 27 20092:08:05 AM |
So there is something wrong with my stomach i either caught a bug or its pms. yes my pms is that bad. Plus i just moved back into the dorms and that messes up my stomach every time. So it could be a combination.

Anyway. I have a class MWF from 9:30am-11am that i didn't go to this morning because i felt like i wad dying. I was going to drop that class anyway though.

I have a class on TR from 9:45-11:15am. I shouldn't drop that class. Its ballet. i HATE ballet. But it might help in my dance audition thats coming up in March. But i took the exact same class last semester. and HATED it and it was at 11:30am.
I don't get up in the morning well. when I had a job I seriously woke up and went, dude, i'd so rather get fired than get up. Only thing that made me get up was that my stepdad was my ride and i didn't wanna make him late.


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This is like.. the third happy journal in a row for me.. holy jujubees, what is this boy doing to me - Mood:Good
Monday January 26 200912:08:54 AM |
"I so should have stayed. Even for just one minute longer. Just so i could see your pretty face."

Seriously. holy corny wonderful sweetness

However, my stomach is killing me. BAH!!!!

Classes start tomorrow.
I think i should just stay here in this dorm and not go to any classes. Just enjoy dorm life.

This guy is so going to leave me. Because i am WAY too complicated man. And have so many issues.

But I am going to enjoy it while it lasts

How was your night?

There are 25 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Ahhhhh back to dorm (food) life - Mood:Good
Sunday January 25 20093:04:38 PM |
What i could eat today:

-frozen chicken gram made me
-frozen chicken nuggets
-mini bagels


Man. I miss real food (choice) already.

The bf comes over in 4 hours And i HAVE to make him leave at midnight! Because i have class! I *should* make him leave anyway. Not sure thats actually going to happen. But i SO have to. Because i can't sleep with other people in my bed. And he has to leave before me, so he'll wake me up and i am homicidal if woken up.
Plus i think its to soon for a sleepover

I'd have the boy bring me real food but i'd feel bad.

So. Waffles or rice for breakfast?

I stayed up til 4am playing gin with a friend of mine last night. That was fun. I won That boy needs to get laid. And so not by me. Perhaps then he'd stop trying to grab at me Not in a bad way. Just in a 'whoa dude, i have a bf" enough way. But still.

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I`m starting to think i talk too much. - Mood:Good
Saturday January 24 200910:39:49 PM |
All my friends are boys at the moment.

And i think they get tired of me talking. Cuz the boyfriend shuts me up by making out with me, like.. he wants for me to take a breath then starts kissing me. I think he's trying to tell me something

And A friend of mine just completely uh huhed and at one of my breaths really quickly hurried in with "Oki'mgonnagogetsomethingtoeatnowBYE!"


My bf wanted to bring me home tonight. Nicole is so not ready to meet parents/family.
Nicole is social anxiety prone and its not fun to meet people.

Plus I like being in my space. I'm not ready to be in his space yet.

EWW. Man. What is worse than finding a piece of corn in your chocolate pudding in a kids cuisine meal.

*happy sigh*

Holy nicole is sexually inexperienced batman.

There are 23 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Holy sh*t and cakes - Mood:Good
Saturday January 24 20092:05:29 PM |
How sad am I.

I have to be like, medically anti-social/social anxiety. Because i have to go to dining services to get my swipe card fixed, and i have to take a shower. but i hear people in the hallway. And therefore won't leave my room.

So last night I stayed in my new dorm room for the first time
And had boy company for awhile
Boys. Seriously. He kissed me Then a bit later, he made out with me. Then a bit later he tried sticking his hands down my pants. Boys. Have no patience.
Hes nice though, and sweet, and i like him

Then he left, and my guy friend messaged and said the girl he was gonna ask out tonight (holy short notice) she lived in my building, and his phone fell in a puddle and died, so can i let him in and we go looking for her room together?

At 2:30am.

There are 24 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I`m gonna cry. - Mood:Good
Thursday January 22 20095:46:40 PM |
I am a germophobe and emetophobic.

I have to be back at school, move back into the dorms all day tomorrow.

My stepfather got some kind of stomach virus thingy sunday. I went and stayed at my grandmas but had to come back tonight since i have to move all my stuff from my house to the dorm tomorrow.

My mother's stomach is now funky


PLUS we just got a call from the grocery store that we purchased a contaminated box of chocolate that we have all been eating for weeks.


However, i researched, and salmonella usually kicks in 8-72 hours after eating and no ones had one of those things in a week or little less.

So i just have mr and mrs stomach bug downstairs.

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I`m moving i`m moving I`m moving i`m moving I`m moving i`m moving I`m moving i`m moving I`m moving i`m moving I`m moving i`m moving I`m moving i`m moving I`m moving i`m moving - Mood:Good
Wednesday January 21 20098:01:42 PM |

If all goes well, by this time Friday i should be in my dorm room macking on some guy.
Well not macking. and hes not some guy.
Is it macking? I'm not good with lingo.

But still.


Something is going to go wrong. Why? Because i want this too bad.

My mother is going to come down with my stepdad's stomach bug
The weather is gonna be terrible
All my crap isn't gonna fit in my mom's car
The car will die


So the guy with said macking. I like another boy better than him And its confuzzling my brain.

There are 53 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I know you`re out there. - Mood:Good
Wednesday January 21 20094:25:34 AM |
I feel like i'm all alone in a big creepy hotel at night.

Is there anyone else out there?

Me= Not liking vacant YT

I could go to bed i suppose.

But why would i do that

Roll Call!

I swear if i'm alone i'm gonna lock myself in a closet

There are 32 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

I don`t wanna know about stagnate air masses/ I made cake (pics) - Mood:Good
Tuesday January 20 200910:38:43 PM |

Its really hard to stop myself from eating the whole thing.

I put chocolate chips in the big one. Cinnamon in the cupcakes


I am SO out of shape.
Thats very bad.

Since in 6 days i have to jump into a very heavy dance class schedule.


Who wants cake?

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Anyone have any good chocolate cake recipes? - Mood:Good
Tuesday January 20 20098:42:19 PM |
I want to make one.

But i don't have any good recipes.

I like it chocolatey and moist, but not overly fudgey/brownie-like.

And don't bother poiting me to a recipes site, i want something tried and true

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A whiny, angsty, emo, 15 year old girl type journal - Mood:Good
Monday January 19 20094:59:26 PM |
Make it stop hurrrrrting

Make all my mistakes and the fact that i f*cked up the best thing in my life stop pounding in my head.

Though i kinda understand why people drink a little better now.

I don't have my vice back for 7 more days

Someone please make the pain of what i did go away.

I won't ever find it again will i

There are 45 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

Why am i leaking/ Holy hell, since when is there a 9am?/ making grocery lists are hard - Mood:Good
Monday January 19 200910:48:36 AM |
I went to bed at midnight, woke up at 4am. Laid in bed not being able to get comfy and being semi wide awake but in a sleep deprived way for awhile, feel asleep again for about 45 minutes, woke up at 8:30am.

Ben awake ever since Nicole doesn't like not sleeping. It makes Nicole very angry.

So i'm trying to make a last-grocery-run-before-moving-back-into-the-dorm-and-being-stuck-there list and its not going well.

I can't think of what else i need. I'll remember when i'm there and stuck there

so far i have

Hair gel
healthy choice meals
cereal (2)
peanut butter

Though i'm kinda scared to buy PB. I know they said the jars aren't affected. But I don't wanna be dying of salmonella when in 3 days they say "oh, and the jars were affected too, our mistake"

Maybe i'll just get the fluff. Hold off on the PB.

There are 85 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

God i dislike my family - Mood:Good
Sunday January 18 20097:18:05 PM |
yea yea i should appreciate them yada. I would like to appreciate them from living 30 minutes away. I love them and everything. but holy crap i can't live with them.

I have a very very early stage relationship starting with a guy. and i SWEAR TO GOD if my grandma tells me one more time about how i have to bend and do things i don't want to i'm gonna hit her with a fish.
In 5 minutes she told me i "have to bend" 11 times. 11 TIMES!

Wtf. I love you gram. But stay the f*ck out of my relationships.

I had so much more to bitch about but i suddenly lost my will to bitch..

So you bitch for awhile. I'll join in later.

There are 35 comments on this journal entry. View/Add Comments

How do people with insomnia not kill themselves/other people? - Mood:Good
Sunday January 18 20099:09:35 AM |
I've accepted that i will not be falling asleep tonight.

But for godsake can i at least get comfortable???

If someone in western ny goes on a killing spree, it might be me.


Someone hit me really hard with a blunt object.

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WTF is wrong with me? (part 253) - Mood:Good
Saturday January 17 20099:12:15 PM |
I just got back from a date.

I like him, hes a nice guy.
We walked around the mall for awhile trying to figure out what to do.
Went to an arcade
Went and got subs and chatted.
Over a span of about 5 hours.

Yet... I sit in my room from getting home just... bummed. I can't think of a better word for it.

It was a good date. I had a good time. Much fun at the arcade. Good convo over dinner.

Yet.. I am about to cry. what the ever lovin f*ck?????

I want a hug.
I don't want to be alone tonight.

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I must bitch. - Mood:Good
Saturday January 17 20093:26:53 AM |

I was watching my best friend's girl online.

I have been walking for 1 hour and 13 minutes. It has 20 minutes left.

It is at the HUGE climax.

For those who have seen it its when dane cook is walking down the aisle in slow motion lighting a cigarette with the music playing behind him.


Oh my god.
I have to go to bed in about a half an hour.
Thats just


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Anyone know any good fiction or non fiction books about someone in a mental hospital? (shopping pics) - Mood:Good
Friday January 16 20095:57:46 PM |
My Christmas card to mudassar got returned to sender Address unknown. No such number. No such zone.

What in the heck does the third to last thing say?

Bath and body works on clearance, hells yea!!
Also some hair dye and ear buds

Hair whatnot
Pink DVD!! Good concert



Books! I wanted some light young adult angsty reading
And cookies

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Can`t i just have ONE NIGHT? Just one f*cking night where i don`t have be insane. - Mood:Good
Friday January 16 20093:28:27 AM |
Why can i not drating close my eyes without feeling like i'm gonna jump out of my skin

without wanting to punch a brick wall, without wanting to scream and tear away at myself, cover myself in blood & scars

without wanting to throw glass as hard as i possibly can just to revel in the shattering, & swim in the shards

why can't i sit still and watch tv and go to bed and fall asleep without the pounding in my ears, the taunting on repeat in my head, the drowning, the implosion the need to feel pain the fight against myself to hold onto whatever i can, let go, scream hit walls, tear yourself apart until theres just red and no more skin showing.... no just breathe..... no go fly into a wall because any other pain isn't enough to satiate the screaming in your head.

God it would feel so good, god it would feel so f*cking good just do it, just do it, quite whining about it & just

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Nothing to see, move along - Mood:Good
Thursday January 15 20091:45:30 AM |
I really want to. Oh how i want to.

I never know if i'm doing the right thing, what i should be doing, the best thing for myself, or anyone else involved.

Its so easy, to just let it all go, just do it. Forget about everything else and just close my eyes and sink into it.
Give up. Give in.
God i want to.

Say f*ck you i'm a terrible person go away to anyone i know.
And just be alone with my mistake.

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My tits look amazing in this shirt . - Mood:Good
Wednesday January 14 20094:42:23 PM |
Well, maybe not amazing, but better than normal.

My boobs never look good

I need to get to the mall but i have to walk and its 8 degrees. I want to go get some snow pants. Among other things.

My hair looks scary. I bet i can make it into a mohawk now, with the way its cut
I shall buy gel and let you know.

9 more days. 9 more days. ! 9 more days.

My ear is bleeding

I can't wait to move back into the dorm. I can almost taste the mac and cheese.

Great now theres blood on my cream colored hoodie. Thus why i like dark colored hoodies. Hide the blood better.

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Mama said idle hands are devil`s handywork - Mood:Good
Tuesday January 13 200912:10:01 AM |

Good lord i hate being drunk called.

And i'm getting tired of having suicidal self destructive friends.
Which yes, i'm aware makes me a total hypocrite.
But thinking about myself, they don't help my insanity. They add to it actually, they bring me down.

So.. do i be a bad person, think about myself and avoid them or do i be a good friend and go down with them?

Oh the anxiety.

11 days until i go back to school.

On one hand i would LOVE to surround myself with normal, happy, motivated people.
But that would mean they'd be surrounded by me. Which completely doesn't seem fair.

Idle hands man. They get me every time.
They rub together and plot how to cause mischief.

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God damn why do I have no girl friends??/ I met someone online and didn`t die - Mood:Good
Saturday January 10 200910:30:23 PM |
I just got home from a date My first date with this guy i met online.

Not one pervy/sexual innuendo-y comment all night. Really respectful.

*girly sigh*

I rather like him

I feel like i'm in grease.
Winter lovin', had me a blast.

He couldn't understand why i wouldn't get in his car with him though. He didn't push, just doesn't understand.
He's obviously not a 4'11 girl.

I watch SVU, i ain't stupid

It turned cold and thats where it ends,
Now the women in my family are clucking like hens,
Then we made plans for next week, wow....
Bowling, then Pizza Hut for some chow.

Winter dreams, ripped at the seams,
but, oh,
Those wiiinter.. niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiights.

How was your night?

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All my single ladies, now put your hands up. - Mood:Good
Friday January 09 20095:30:21 PM |
I am starving my face off.

My stomach is making all sorts of growly noises. I haven't eaten anything yet today, waiting on pizza. 30 more minutes.

Jesus my stomach sounds like its going to maul someone.

I went shopping today Bought a buncha crap.
Mostly forks. Since there are three of us and two forks in the house.
Dollar stores are awesome by the way.

I'm starting to think the guy i've been talking to and I aren't gonna have any sparks.
We have nothing to talk about apparently.
I don't know.
I'll be friends with him, and if that leads anywhere else okay then, but not be trying to make anything happen, with him or anyone else.

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Put one foot wrong and i`m gonna fall, somebody gets it, all the lights are on, but i`m in the dark, whose gonna find me? whose gonna find me? Just one foot wrong, you`ll have to love me when i`m gone. (musing of a crazy person) - Mood:Good
Friday January 09 20094:39:30 AM |
So I thought a shower would help. No. Just sat on the floor of it leaning against the wall trying to think straight and sinking deeper with realizing i couldn't.

I will have nothing to lose at the end of March beginning of April if i don't get into the dance program. I will have nothing to hold onto, no future motivation. That scares me a bit.

16 more days until I can cut the ever loving hell out of my arms again. Thank god.

Don't make me leave. Its hell but its home.
I know its not right, but it feels right when i'm not right so i can't choose right.

I miss having logic. And understanding logic.
Maybe its safer here.
Is that why I come back?
Its safe being self destructive and unaware?

Leave me alone i'm lonely

Starin at the cracks in the walls
Cuz I'm waiting for it all to come to an end
Still I curl up right under the bed
Cuz its takin' over my head all over again

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Gene Kelly almost made me cream my panties . - Mood:Good
Thursday January 08 200910:20:42 PM |
I'm watching Anchors Aweigh Holy crap I want someone to talk to me on the phone like that. I may have swooned.

Hahaha. This movie is funny. And cute. I approve.

Who wants to go out and party with me tonight?

16 more days!! Woo. I can't wait to go back to school.

I'm bored out of my mind.
Its unpleasant.

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