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Male, 26 years old
Dubai, UAE, Asia

  Offline - Last On: 145days 20 hours ago

19 Buddies
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5,083 Posts | Member Since: 4/26/2015
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Ahlu al Quboor Narjahanam
Bahraini black metal 2013

Interests: Cats
Homepage: (None)
Birthday:2/13/1992 (26 Years Old)
IM Type: (Decline to State) IM Name: Telegram
Occupation: Peanut Factory
Marital Status: Single
Sexual Preference: Straight
Religion: Muslim
Politics: Liberal
Fav. Movie: Hard Candy
Fav. TV Show: Fawlty Towers
Fav. Book: The Satanic Verses
Fav. Song: Diamonds Aren`t Forever by Bring me the Horizon
Fav. Food: Lamb Biryani
Fav. Car: Bicycle
Theme 'Victorian Egypt ' created by MEB03
Active Journal Entries | Archived Journal Entries

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Collecting my thoughts - Mood:Good
Tuesday October 31 20175:14:43 AM |
These past few weeks I have been doing a lot of reflection and recovery. It's been dreary weather with on-and-off misting rain for weeks so every day after work when I sit on a covered porch and smoke it just kind of brings about a reflective mood.

For a while right after my depression suddenly ended I was just going nuts, getting f***** up on everything as much as I could in a mistaken attempt to relive what I believed I had missed out on during my teens and early twenties wasted years of just going to work and going home and going to work and going home. But that isn't really the way "everyone else" was and I'm glad I'm done with that.

And so even though my dad's been away for better part of a decade now and I haven't been feeling chronic depression since December I'm still only just now starting to process these things.

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What you don`t feel will hurt you in hell, I`m straightening sharks in heaven - Mood:Excited
Tuesday August 22 20171:25:48 PM |
This will end up being the most socially exhausting week ever.
Last Sat was a lame families and kids party. But actually I had a pretty good time, I kind of like socializing with teenage boys now and then because I'm old enough to tell stories about how things have changed but not so old that I'm 'parental' to them and they're rigidly formal you know? Except my ride got panicky and wanted to leave because he was feeling left out and lonely and uncomfortable so I said f*ck it let's go because I know exactly how it is, and we had the manliest hug in the parking lot.

My best friend in the entire world is in town for the week, but just the weekdays, so we're squeezing in as much time as possible after my shifts. Because next time I'll see him is Christmas ffs.

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Post here and I`ll give you a song. - Mood:Good
Friday July 21 20176:34:08 PM |
Not tons to report, my transfer at work is going well and I'm getting along with everyone. I ordered a pair of blue 5 fingers so I can start running again.

The timing couldn't be better at work since I've already paid for my certification, the extra money will help save for the next thing faster while I finish classes and find a job.

Oh and one of my friends kids who is always climbing all over me has ringworm, and one of my coworkers has some kind of lung infection and he's always hacking and spitting into the trash so I'm like great, I'm about to die.

I will give you a song if you want

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man do you ever think about how we`re so stimulated by how MUCH is in life now and in ancient times they would be percieving differently - Mood:Excited
Wednesday July 12 20177:25:24 PM |
Because like so you're an adult westerner in 21st century so: basically you have everything that is on earth. All of the food, from every raw fruit and vegetable even exotic things, and the local cuisine of everywhere, is available. the internet gives us all the books, music, movies and tv from history at once, and the information in your brain from college education, etc, plus all drugs that exist so really, you are bombarded with a LOT of stimulation, more than in the past by levels of magnitude.

Before your diet was very restricted and most recreational drugs weren't available, knowledge of the outside world was little... you didn't have as much coming at you. Even like take the levels of complexity in our music versus some old medieval minstrel or that one stringed bedouin thing

I mean we can instantly pull up more tits and dicks than a human used to ever see in their life

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Drink from the goblet, the goblet of goooooore... taste this zombie`s drug, now you want moooooore - Mood:Spent
Tuesday June 27 20175:31:08 PM |
Zombie.... rituaaaaaal

So I strongly dislike people saying "adulting" because I dislike all millennial-isms ("It's a thing!" go f*ck yourself) but I realized the other day WHY people say it... I feel as a whole young people have been failed by their parents, and were never taught how to put effort into things (breeze through the joke of public schools and come home to video games) and never really taught how to take care of ourselves, so after years of f*cking up and learning the hard way suddenly someone goes "look at me, I'm adulting today" because unlike previous generations we didn't enter the world already equipped with those skills.

Having said that I did plenty of ADULTING this Ramadan

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That was extremely embarrassing but maybe something good will come of it - Mood:Excited
Friday May 26 20176:54:57 PM |
So today after jumaa (mosque) one of the older guys says to everyone that he has a friend who owns a car dealership who is looking for people who are "good with computers to do secretary type work" so I got this persons # out of curiosity

And now, my roommate's car broke down a week ago and he's been puttering with it. I rent the attic of the house and went up there for quiet to call this guy, but the reception is sh*tty up there.

So his voice is fading in and out, but basically it's not a dealership but a junkyard (which OK if English is not your first language I can see the mixup) but since I have expereince in warehouses and driving a forklift he'd rather start me in the junkyard instead of ansering phones.

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My first post-depression summer is turning out to be a magical land of rainbows and unicorns - Mood:Happy
Wednesday May 17 20176:20:32 PM |
For most of my life summer has been an extremely hateful time to be honest. I mean when your whole life is just rotting in front of a screen and you add heat, sun up when you're trying to go to bed plus resenting everyone else for having a good time and sometimes allergies it sucks.

But since my mental state has changed so dramatically since this past fall/winter I'm actually having a really good time this year, for the first time,it's almost childlike.

A few weekends ago some friends and I took a daytrip to a state park to go hiking, and we have another hike planned for this Sunday. I'm really excited, last time I was just staring at the rock formations and the waterfalls and "taking it all in", nature really is so beautiful. The other day one of my friends who drives a convertible picked me up and we just drove through the country feeling the air and enjoying the weather.

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I am rambling about the passage of time, generations, etc (questions for discussion) - Mood:Good
Wednesday May 03 20176:50:19 PM |
Man so does anyone actually like the 00s. The aughties the centennial
Everyone says, and people seem to want nostalgiatize and continue to consume the time period they were teenagers, like older people still only like the movies and music and cars and clothes of the 80s, or the 70s, but it seems like people my own age myself include identify more with the 90s even though we were only little kids at the time. I mean what from back then (00) is still famous? I think the marker ofthe time period will be mp3 players - because now everyone has music on their phone instead of 2 devices.

I mean during that time I liked teenager stuff like Linkin Park and MCR and Invader Zim and scene girls in those big osiris shoes but uh I've outgrown all that cringey stuff. It's like how many grown men still adore the 2D mario bros, how many grown women swoon over nsync,

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A sign for the norse hordes to ride, is a sign for our enemies to die - Mood:Good
Sunday April 02 20173:40:00 PM |
TPB s11 was put on netflix yesterday, I thought at first it was an april fools but it's not. Lahey grew a beard, randy has a mustache, trinity's looking thiiiiick, and it's all way funnier than s9 and 10.

Poked around the local CC's website and found some options in the medical field, everything's evening/weekend classes so I could very easily continue working Mon-Thurs ~and~ add school on top. Except I'm a little lost on the cost - on the one hand, it will list programs and how many hours it is, so I calculated out the total cost based on what they said a credit hour runs, but then on the individual program pages it would say "course fee: xxxx dollars" which is.... not the same number I came up with doing it by hand. Anyway I wrote down recruitment's number and I'll call them tomorrow. It's too late for the next semester but this is definitely happening. I just wish I did this at 18.

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The Acid Diaries - Mood:Hopeful
Friday February 17 20174:12:20 PM |
I just took a 130ug hit of acid it finished dissolving about 10 min ago, so this journal is to record my experiences etc as I've never done this before

Mushrooms had a very positive psychological effect on me but they're out of season and I can't find any, so I'm trying this instead, and have also heard a lot about how incredibly beneficial it can be for people.

Plan is once it kicks in to spend some time outside before it gets dark, then probably have a music marathon IDK or maybe watch New Hope, is that too stereotypical?

I mean why not enjoy a mid-20s rumpspringa after wasting your teens and early 20s I know I'm annoying guys ok really

Life is alright I've just reached $900 in the bank, I want to get a few hundred more and then start looking at options at community college.

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In which it`s 2017 - Mood:Good
Monday February 06 201711:38:31 AM |
And I should make a thread I suppose.
So I'm just going to vaguely say that I had some major life plans for 2016 and I tried but it did not go accordingly, so I am now halfway whwere I wanted to be.

On the other hand I am really reconsidering things. I mean in a few days I'll be 25 and I can't just keep giong from factory to construction site to factory, I need some kind of actual skills. So maybe if I keep savingand use the moneyI would use for the move to Alaska, and instead suffer through 2 grinding years of work-and-school, then it will all payoff for me in theend. Because look at those older guys who never got any skills and still make $11 when they're 45, I don't want to do that.

And really man, I can tell my own thinking changingabout effects, life choices, etc, even music. THey say your body continues changing and puberty isn't really over at 18, you're just an adult,

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interact with me I`m on shrooms - Mood:Confident
Friday December 16 20165:59:05 PM |
Because I have heard from lots of people how taking them once is good for long term depression, I mean getting high is nice too

Today was such a good day even before taking them, I got hired from temp to hire then called adhan at jumaa

Man I will answer questions and stuff but first I going to play tomb of the mutilated to see if it's more scary on drugs

There are so many thoughts in my brain right now

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Last night I had a dream that I was a single dad - Mood:Shy
Wednesday August 31 20165:41:17 PM |
Btw this doesn't really go anywhere it's just that I only get like 6 dreams per year so I always dwell on them

So I was in some Arab country or another, and the dream started with me working in a bakery. There was a big metal vat with a paddle to stir to the dough and I was dumping some egg goop to get mixed in. Then it skipped a bit and I was walking home from that job, it was sandy everywhere and I thought "it's probably like this in Arizona". It was summer and stupid hot.

Then I passed some street vendors and one guy was selling computer games and he had Diablo 2 (which I've never played irl), I almost got it, but then someone else wanted it and offered more money and it was his last copy and I was like "I need to save my money".

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dun da da da da da dun dun I`m goin to wichita - Mood:Good
Monday May 23 20161:32:29 PM |
Got to see L in NJ! Was really hoping to sleep on the bus. Worked till 11pm then had to shower all that dirt off my body and catch the bus at 830... plus finish packing. Get there and there's like a dozen high school girls and a few moms and I'm like fff I'm trying to sleep not listen to girls squealing... but they were so absorbed in the movie every time a red light woke me up it was dead silent. Thank you Nick Cage.

"Hey just transfer to the trolley you use the same ticket I'm waiting here with my feet up" sounds like him. F*ck I missed him. Had to go to bdubs first thing's first of course. The waitress says "have you guys been here before" "yeah..." "...good" I don't know why we all laughed so hard at that.

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Alcoholism is so depressing - Mood:Sad
Wednesday May 11 201612:26:41 AM |
So this guy who started at my job the same time I did, we were getting along really well and I was actually thinking I would invite him out somewhere this weekend. He mentioned offhand "no I don't drink anymore" and you know what that "anymore" means.

Anyway, yesterday he shows up wretchedly hungover, and today he was 30 mins late and totally blasted off his ass. Straight up food and spit in his beard and unable to walk straight so of course they fired him on the spot because there's moving machinery and chemical sprays and all kinds of dangerous shyt everywhere.

Just ruined my mood tbh. He's 30 and a REAL ADULT and just can't even take care of himself. So f*cking sad.

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2nd shift is pretty cool - Mood:Spent
Saturday April 23 20165:22:57 AM |
Worst feeling right now. Tired, know I need to get to bed so I can wake up at a decent hour... splitting headache from lack of caffeine. 4am coffee it is.

Kept saying "ahh I'll go to the temp agency tomorrow." Then I was like "ahh but doing nothing is fun." Then I was like well I have $100 I better start working. Still 7 weeks of unemployment were awesome would love to be a lazy slob again some time.

So I go to the temp agency and ask for an application and when I hand it back in the guy goes "I know this is quick but uh we could have a full time position for you in about... 2 hours." BRO. It was like 12:30-1pm and the job started at 3. "Yeah lemme run home and pack a lunch..." works out since I was on basically reversed sleep schedule anyway.

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time is a valuable thing, watch it fly by as the pendulum swings - Mood:Confident
Friday March 11 20162:56:28 AM |
My second week of neethood is going great. Just sitting on my ass.

Quitting my job at the warehouse was really weird. Everyone spent my final two weeks trying to talk me out of it and on my last day the branch manager had this heart to heart with me. Said if things didn't work out they'd take me back no question, "we'll find a job for you somewhere", if I was stranded out of state just give them a call they'd come pick me up (they do a lot of work in neighboring states, NE states are pretty small after all)

That was strange and it was hard to accept all this love after spending such a long time hardening myself to "everyone hates you ahmed". I feel like I wasted a year and a half going nowhere. They just kept asking more and more and more of me, screaming and swearing when I can't meet expectations that are constantly raising.

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The one time everything fell into place at once. - Mood:Confident
Saturday February 13 201611:45:03 PM |
I have an ear infection. One week sober.
I was just busy with the regular chores and errands and didn't even realize it was my own birthday until my sister texted me around 1, I guess I'm officially old now. Got some friends together for indian food and trailer park boys in the evening though so it's all good.

And I got two fantastic things in the mail.
One, sissy sent me a nazar keychain:

Two, tax returns already in. OHHHHYESSS. I know I said I was going to quit my job but I got worried about money, not anymore. Paid rent up to May 1 so Monday I'll give my notice. Then greyhound to Lewiston, then Bangor.
I think I'll watch Hard Candy tomorrow. That's a good vday movie right?
I vaguely want another piercing but don't know what to get.

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their gang went my way for basketball, my gang went their way for alcohol - Mood:Mischievous
Saturday January 09 20168:29:45 PM |
Things are good. Was home for 2 weeks not celebrating christmas. Good to see the family and friends, do the traditional chinese-buffett-on-xmas-day routine, watch 50 movies and just catch up with people. Mom hit her 3 year with her BF and we watched Alien Resurrection together, f•ck that was a lot weirder than I remember it being. Brother watching Bob Ross and doing speed-painting but they're good enough he sells them at school.

It was so funny on my last day of work before vacation. Boss is so sad to see me go, he knows I"m looking for another job and he is too. "You are coming back, right?" "Of course, I'll see you in January." "OK well either way, it's been really good working with you so take care of yourself" and he's gettting all misty-eyed and sh•t like lol when did todd get so attached to me.

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Best friend got married this weekend - Mood:Good
Tuesday October 13 20158:45:53 PM |
This was such a crazy weekend. But very good and needed. This will be 50 drating posts long.

Flight is fine. Touchdown in O'Hare and text mom now I'm on the train to Union. She tells me she's working, brothers are home and "Özlem is in the hospital" just like that, as if she didn't even care. Well I'll see her Sunday I guess, drat, Monday is her birthday!

LITERALLY missed my drating Amtrak by 5 minutes and had to call everyone until I got a ride. P was just like "yep on my way", skipped his class without a second though , we get some bdubz and catch up and then he drops me off at the groom's parent's farm. REHEARSAL TIME.

So that goes fine and then we have the dinner afterwards, this big fat black preacher (priest?) keeps saying he likes my sense of humor and I'm drinking a lot and catching up with groom's parents, who are so close to me, I've known him for over a decade.

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you ever get this feeling - Mood:Good
Thursday October 08 20152:42:53 PM |
"Gdi I want to fast forward a few months and get to the good stuff"
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Nightmare last night. It`s going to rain hard tonight. - Mood:Shocked
Tuesday September 29 20156:47:16 PM |
I usually don't write this stuff down but I just want to get it out of my system.

I was in bed at the house we lived in when I was a teenager, after my parents broke up. I had... something like sleep paralysis? I coudln't move, but some cats were fighting, directly on my face. I recognized the screams and hissing as two cats who are now dead, and there were some others in there I didn't recognize, I didn't really see them. It was like this cartoon tazmanian devil tornado of cats fighting on my head, but I felt the claws cutting my face up. And my mom was leaning over me yelling at me to get them off, try harder etc but I couldn't even move. It woke me up around 1 or 2am I think, so I was fcking dead at work today.

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tfw you call bae and talk about how you have nothing to talk about - Mood:Bored
Saturday September 19 201510:31:55 PM |
Soo bored. Did... everything today. All the chores, watched a movie, went to the gym finally, finished the book I was reading, now it's only 10 and I have nothing to do.
B texted me sometime last week, was busy, finally called her. Kind of out of the blue, we haven't talked in... a year. She's got her own place now, looking at a promotion at the circuit board factory. When I said I'd be in town next month I could just see her smirk. Her voice is lower too, I wonder if she's smoking or something.

Isn't it cool how when you're sad friends always show up. I left my thyroid medicine at work so drat.

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This has been the most ridiculous day ever - Mood:Overwhelmed
Thursday September 17 20157:02:10 PM |
Yesterday at work a customer returned some equipment that was covered in grease. I wasn't sure whether they should be charged for cleaning so I took the gear back, set it aside, and waited for the billing guy to get back from wherever he was (he's out of the office half the time or more).

I told the front counter guy about it. No worries, whatever. Depending on how bad the shyt is, it's billing guy's call.

THEN the office manager, who is normally really chummy and friendly to me, sees the how covered the equipment is and throws a big hissy fit, makes counter guy call the customer up and demand that they clean it or their credit card will be charged to replace it. Customer flips out, everyone's mad. Everyone's screaming I should have not accepted the gear and brought the front counter guy out while the customer was still there to thandle the situation.

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this morning I did my favorite job at work - Mood:Good
Tuesday September 15 201512:31:38 PM |
Stacking the short ledgers
Set up in the middle of the yard right in the sun, hands on autopilot moving shýt without thinking, sipping coffee and basking in the heat
Feels good man
What is your favorite job at work
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