http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm http://www.youthink.com/art/yt_logo_bub5.gif Wed, 16 May 2012 13:09:01 EST The 50 most recently posted jokes from YouThink.com. en-us http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556164 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556164 One night a drunk guy is sitting at the bar and really has to go to the bathroom. So he sits there and asks the bartender, andquot;hey man, wheres the bathroom?andquot; The bartender says it's down the stairs and to the right. So the man goes down stairs and goes to the bathroom. About 30 seconds goes by and everyone in the bar hears a blood curdling scream, they ignore it and again they hear another scream about 30 seconds later. Then the man comes up stairs and says to the bartender andquot;hey man, every time I tried to flush, someone would come up and squeeze my balls as hard as they couldandquot;. The bartender says, andquot;well which way did you go?andquot; The man says down stairs and to the left. The bartender screams NO NO NO down stairs and to the RIGHT, to the left is the mop bucket closet. 2012-05-13T11:15:47-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556112 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556112 Why did Sara fall down from the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock, knock, who's there? Not Sara. 2012-05-09T06:04:18-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556109 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556109 virgin mobile 2012-05-08T16:32:27-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556107 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556107 Knock Knock Who's there Cows go Cows go who? No, you moron, cows go moo, not who! 2012-05-08T12:10:14-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556098 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556098 What do you call a bird that gets on your nerves? A BIRDen!! 2012-05-07T19:54:11-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556092 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556092 A man gets his food and says, andquot;Excuse me Mister, there is a fly in my soup.andquot; The waiter responds, andquot;Don't worry sir I'll fetch you a spider immediately.andquot; 2012-05-07T13:20:07-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556041 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556041 Battery 2012-05-02T10:16:42-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556016 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=556016 Because it soots him. 2012-04-30T12:21:30-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555978 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555978 Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house Knock Knock Who's there? The chicken 2012-04-27T22:32:09-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555936 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555936 A Texan bought a round of drinks for all at the bar and announced that his wife had produced 'a typical Texas baby' weighing twenty pounds. Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, 'Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby who weighed twenty pounds at birth?' 'Yup, shore am.' 'How much does he weigh now?' The proud father answered, 'Ten pounds.' The bartender said, 'Why, what happened? Didn't he weigh twenty pounds?' The proud Texas father said, 'Just had him circumcised.' 2012-04-23T23:38:20-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555909 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555909 One day a pirate walked into a bar. The bartender saw him and remembered him from a previous time. The bartender called over to the pirate, andquot;Hello, friend. How are you today?andquot; The pirate responded, 'Ahoy, I am doing well.' Then the bartender noticed that the pirate had lost one of his hands. The bartender asked what had happened. 'Well, we were in a fight with a Spanish trade ship and my hand was cut off. So the doctor gave me this hook to replace it.' The bartender also noticed that the pirate had lost an eye. When he asked about that, the pirate replied, 'One day I looked up at the sky and a bird crapped in my eye.' The bartender says, 'Why did that make you lose your eye?' The pirate responds, 'Well... I wasn't supposed to use the hook.' 2012-04-21T12:47:29-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555770 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555770 A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?' The boy replied, 'What turkey?' The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.' The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!' The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?' The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!' 2012-04-13T21:37:04-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555669 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555669 -Knock Knock -Who's there? -Hula -Hula who? -'P' 2012-04-04T22:21:57-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555593 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555593 There was this man who wanted to buy a horse, so he went into the market to get one. When he finds the horse he wants he pays for it and is about to go when the sales-man stopped him- -andquot;One more thing, sir.andquot; -andquot;Yes...?andquot; Questioned the man. - andquot;I have to tell you how to make the horse move, sir.andquot; - andquot;Well... go on.andquot; He insists. - andquot;Ok, so, to make the horse start moving you have to say 'Hallelujah' and to make him stop you have to say 'Amen'andquot; - andquot;Why?andquot; - andquot;Don't ask me.andquot; He replies andquot;I didn't train him.andquot; So the man goes off to his house, happy with his horse. One afternoon the man went riding for the first time with his horse and he got lost in the forest. The horse was going really fast and the man couldn't remember how to make it stop. Just then he became aware that he was riding right towards a cliff. - andquot;Oh, no!andquot; Muttered the man andquot;Stop, horse STOP!andquot; No matter what he did he just couldn't remember waht the command was. - andquot;Erm... Evan? Adam? Am... AMEN!!!andquot; The horse stopped quickly just a few centimeters away from the cliff. - andquot;I'm safe.andquot; The man cried. andquot;Halellujah!!andquot; 2012-03-29T15:36:46-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555592 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555592 -How do you make a sausage roll? -You push it off your plate. 2012-03-29T15:19:40-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555582 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555582 -What is brown and sticky? -A stick. 2012-03-28T15:41:45-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555561 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555561 ...GET IT? 2012-03-26T17:35:06-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555495 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555495 Knock, knock Who's there? Kent Kent who? Kent you stop asking questions? 2012-03-19T14:39:30-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555493 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555493 A bike. 2012-03-19T14:11:40-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555436 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555436 What do you call a young boy, born in a whorehouse? A brothel-sprout 2012-03-14T21:41:39-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555431 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555431 Hebrews it. 2012-03-14T12:59:36-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555380 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555380 Yo mama is so dumb that she went to the dentist to get a bluetooth! Also, she tried eating a Smurf. 2012-03-09T22:53:33-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555363 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555363 Yo mama is so fat, she looks like she's smuggling with a Volkswagen. 2012-03-08T22:00:29-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555340 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555340 Whats the difference between a 4 year old and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out of a window. 2012-03-06T20:41:27-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555305 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555305 Yo mama is so fat, if you stand on her belly, you can high five with god. 2012-03-03T21:00:14-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555290 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555290 A guy walks into a bar, takes off his hat and places it onto the counter. A duck jumps out. The bartender asks, andquot;can I help you, sir?andquot; The guy orders a beer. The bartender asks the guy if his duck friend wants any thing, and the duck says, andquot;no thanks.andquot; andquot;Oh! You're a talking duck.andquot; the bartender says, andquot;what's your name?andquot; andquot;Houie,andquot; the duck says. The bartender asks the duck how his day went. The duck says, andquot;It went great. I've been jumping on puddles all day.andquot; andquot;That's nice,andquot; says the bartender. Out jumps another duck. The bartender asks, andquot;are you a talking duck, too?andquot; andquot;Yessir,andquot; says the duck. andquot;Well, what's your name?andquot; he asks. andquot;Douie,andquot; says the duck. andquot;Well, how was your day?andquot; asks the bartender. andquot;Great. I've been jumping on puddles all day,andquot; Douie says. The bartender says, andquot;oh, that's nice.andquot; Out jumps a third duck. The bartender says, andquot;Well, I suppose you talk, too.andquot; andquot;Yes, I do,andquot; replies the third duck. andquot;Is your name Louie? Houie, Douie, and Louie?andquot; asks the bartender. andquot;No,andquot; says the duck, andquot;My name is Puddles. And don't ask how my day is going. 2012-03-02T14:07:02-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555284 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555284 Yo momma is so old, I told her to act her own age and she died. 2012-03-01T21:25:10-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555262 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555262 A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00. Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it. Finally, the brunette finds the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer. The farmer says, andquot;Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?andquot; The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, andquot;It's $1.00 per word.andquot; The brunette thinks about this and says,andquot;Comfortable, write that.andquot; andquot;Comfortable?andquot; the guy questions. andquot;Yes, you see she reads slow.andquot; 2012-02-29T06:44:13-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555207 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555207 Son- It's nothing Dad! She said lipstick, I heard gluestick! Dad- Well done son! 2012-02-25T00:55:45-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555097 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555097 -Who's there? --Ach -Ach who? --Gesundheit 2012-02-17T09:44:25-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555095 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555095 Two more trips to Adele's table in my restaurant to complete her order. 2012-02-17T02:37:04-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555030 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=555030 That's a site for sore eyes. 2012-02-11T02:12:54-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554934 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554934 ...he prescribed some suppositories. For all the good they did, I might as well have stuffed them up my arse. 2012-01-31T17:18:37-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554837 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554837 Mitt Romney walked into a bar in Germany and said to the landlord, andquot;Hello, I am Mitt Romneyandquot;. The landlord replied, andquot;So who are you and where is Romney?andquot; 2012-01-19T16:38:25-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554540 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554540 To get to the same side! 2011-12-15T02:02:31-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554532 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554532 What kind of murderer has moral fiber? A cereal killer 2011-12-14T02:29:09-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554381 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554381 Two women were sitting on a bench quietly. 2011-12-01T11:18:05-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554279 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554279 A carrot is driving to work one day, when suddenly there's a terrible accident and he has to go to the hospital. His wife rushes over to the hospital to check up on him as soon as she hears the news. She is in the waiting room for ten minutes before the doctor comes out to speak with her. andquot;Oh, Doctor?andquot; She pleads, andquot;Is my husband going to be okay?andquot; andquot;I'm so sorry, Miss,andquot; The doctor replies sadly. andquot;He's a vegetable.andquot; 2011-11-15T11:34:39-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554007 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554007 Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. One leaned over and said, andquot;Life is so damned boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!andquot; andquot;You're on!andquot; said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill. As fast as she could, the first little old lady fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show. Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd. andquot;What happened?andquot; asked her waiting friend. andquot;I won first prize for Best Dried Arrangement.andquot; 2011-10-10T17:50:27-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553908 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553908 A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. 'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. 'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, 'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.' 2011-10-02T03:02:07-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553614 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553614 Because they're off the CHAIN! 2011-09-10T22:25:59-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553613 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553613 Dave MUSTAINE! 2011-09-10T22:23:44-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553611 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553611 Quiche LORRAINE! 2011-09-10T22:21:37-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553610 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553610 To see the capital of UKRAINE! 2011-09-10T22:19:26-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553609 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553609 Mary JANE! 2011-09-10T22:17:32-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553608 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553608 FEIGNS! 2011-09-10T22:15:43-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553603 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553603 With a crowbar. 2011-09-10T00:13:44-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553593 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553593 When it RAINS! 2011-09-07T14:31:42-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553516 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553516 The Zombies and Rob Zombie, duh! (were you expecting TRAIN and Fountains of WAYNE?) 2011-08-30T23:31:29-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553514 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553514 CANES!!! 2011-08-30T13:34:29-05:00