http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm http://www.youthink.com/art/yt_logo_bub5.gif Fri, 3 Feb 2012 22:39:01 EST The 50 most recently posted jokes from YouThink.com. en-us http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554951 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554951 To get away from Michael Jackson 2012-02-02T07:43:55-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554937 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554937 So there were these two guys standing on top of a building, and the first guy goes to the other and says, andquot;did you know you can jump off that flag pole like a trampoline and jump back to the roof top without a scratchandquot;. The other guy replied andquot;No Wayandquot;, so the first guy said, andquot;No really, watch thisandquot;, so the first guy jumps off the roof top and on to the flag pole, bounces off and he's back on the roof. The second is amazed and couldn't please what he just saw. So the first guy told he to go give it a try, seeing that the first guy did it, the second guy thought he could do it to. The second guy jumps off the roof top, hits the ground andquot;splatandquot; blood splashes everywhere, the guys dead. A cop walks by, see the dead guy, looks up and sees the second guy and says andquot;Superman, you know, you can be a real d*ck when you're drunkandquot;. 2012-01-31T21:51:24-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554934 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554934 ...he prescribed some suppositories. For all the good they did, I might as well have stuffed them up my arse. 2012-01-31T17:18:37-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554885 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554885 Both are slowly becoming extinct! 2012-01-26T07:12:22-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554884 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554884 Nothing It just waved... 2012-01-26T07:06:27-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554849 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554849 I want my quarter back 2012-01-21T01:31:40-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554837 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554837 Mitt Romney walked into a bar in Germany and said to the landlord, andquot;Hello, I am Mitt Romneyandquot;. The landlord replied, andquot;So who are you and where is Romney?andquot; 2012-01-19T16:38:25-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554829 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554829 Because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt. 2012-01-18T23:19:03-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554816 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554816 Because there's no road in between the kitchen and the bedroom --D 2012-01-18T12:40:25-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554811 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554811 Pizza -- pi * z * z * a 2012-01-17T22:40:50-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554801 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554801 A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!” 2012-01-17T03:22:39-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554800 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554800 The bartender says, andquot;YOU CAN'T BRING A LIVE ALLIGATOR IN HERE!andquot; The owner claims that it is tamed. For proof, he instructed the alligator to open its mouth. Then, he stuck his andquot;you know whatandquot; in the alligator's mouth. He left it there for about a minute, and then took it out. The bartender still wasn't convinced. Therefore, the man asked if anyone else in the bar was willing to do it. A drunk man volunteers, but then says, andquot;I would, but I don't think I can open my mouth up that wide.andquot; 2012-01-16T19:17:55-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554663 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554663 Q- what do you call a lumberjack wolf? A- a Timber Wolf! 2011-12-31T10:16:57-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554662 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554662 Q- What did the wolf say when someone stepped on his foot? A- Aaaaaaaooooooowwwww! 2011-12-31T10:14:22-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554661 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554661 Q- what did one wolf say to another? A- howl's it going! 2011-12-31T10:06:12-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554634 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554634 What is a tree's favrote drink? Root beer! 2011-12-28T14:39:27-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554540 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554540 To get to the same side! 2011-12-15T02:02:31-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554532 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554532 What kind of murderer has moral fiber? A cereal killer 2011-12-14T02:29:09-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554512 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554512 Q- What do you get when you bring the Pope to Taco Bell? A- Holy Sh#t 2011-12-10T22:28:49-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554381 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554381 Two women were sitting on a bench quietly. 2011-12-01T11:18:05-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554307 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554307 Person 1-hey they made a new barbie called andquot;Divorced Barbieandquot; Person 2-Really? What does she come with? Person 1-All of Ken's things. 2011-11-19T18:40:33-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554279 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554279 A carrot is driving to work one day, when suddenly there's a terrible accident and he has to go to the hospital. His wife rushes over to the hospital to check up on him as soon as she hears the news. She is in the waiting room for ten minutes before the doctor comes out to speak with her. andquot;Oh, Doctor?andquot; She pleads, andquot;Is my husband going to be okay?andquot; andquot;I'm so sorry, Miss,andquot; The doctor replies sadly. andquot;He's a vegetable.andquot; 2011-11-15T11:34:39-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554244 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554244 Harry had a bit of a drinking problem. Every night, after dinner, he took off for the local watering hole, spent the entire evening there and arrived home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him for his constant nights out and his returned drunken state. But Harry continued his nightly routine. One day, the wife, distraught by it all, talked to a friend about her husband's behavior.The friend listened to her and then asked, andquot;Why don't you treat him a little differently when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways.andquot; The wife thought it was worth trying. That night, Harry took off again after dinner. Around midnight, he arrived home in his usual condition. His wife heard Harry at the door and let him in. This time, instead of berating him as she had always done, she took his arm and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him and started to cuddle him a little. After a while, she said to him, andquot;It's pretty late. I think we had better go upstairs to bed now, don't you?andquot; At that, Harry replied in his inebriated state, andquot;I guess we might as well. I'll get in trouble if I go home anyway!andquot; 2011-11-10T11:25:18-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554237 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554237 You prick! 2011-11-07T19:05:47-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554007 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=554007 Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. One leaned over and said, andquot;Life is so damned boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!andquot; andquot;You're on!andquot; said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill. As fast as she could, the first little old lady fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show. Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd. andquot;What happened?andquot; asked her waiting friend. andquot;I won first prize for Best Dried Arrangement.andquot; 2011-10-10T17:50:27-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553908 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553908 A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. 'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. 'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, 'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.' 2011-10-02T03:02:07-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553614 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553614 Because they're off the CHAIN! 2011-09-10T22:25:59-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553613 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553613 Dave MUSTAINE! 2011-09-10T22:23:44-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553611 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553611 Quiche LORRAINE! 2011-09-10T22:21:37-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553610 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553610 To see the capital of UKRAINE! 2011-09-10T22:19:26-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553609 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553609 Mary JANE! 2011-09-10T22:17:32-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553608 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553608 FEIGNS! 2011-09-10T22:15:43-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553603 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553603 With a crowbar. 2011-09-10T00:13:44-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553593 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553593 When it RAINS! 2011-09-07T14:31:42-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553516 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553516 The Zombies and Rob Zombie, duh! (were you expecting TRAIN and Fountains of WAYNE?) 2011-08-30T23:31:29-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553514 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553514 CANES!!! 2011-08-30T13:34:29-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553460 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553460 Keynes 2011-08-25T17:42:25-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553401 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553401 andquot;Identify it.andquot; 2011-08-20T16:58:37-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553283 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553283 PLANES!!! -or- TRAINS!!! 2011-08-12T22:53:17-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553256 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553256 CLAAAAIIIIMS! 2011-08-09T18:19:07-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553243 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553243 Alice in CHAINS 2011-08-07T16:11:17-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553242 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553242 Changing LANES 2011-08-07T16:07:16-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553241 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553241 JANE'S addiction 2011-08-07T16:06:04-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553240 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553240 ENTERTAINS!!!! 2011-08-07T16:02:50-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553227 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553227 COMPLAINS!!! 2011-08-06T10:21:21-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553210 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553210 DOMAINS! 2011-08-03T08:55:17-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553209 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553209 CHAMPAGNE supernova 2011-08-03T08:46:21-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553208 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553208 RAINS! 2011-08-03T08:43:30-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553203 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553203 FOR SHAME!! 2011-08-02T17:49:17-05:00 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553169 http://www.youthink.com/jokes.cfm?obj_id=553169 GREAT PLAINS! 2011-07-29T08:22:14-05:00