Are the victim's choices to blame for the abuse situation?

http://i.imgur.com/FG44q.jpg Question Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
Questions
Quizzes
Articles
My Journal
Forums
Answer Questions | Question Comments | My Questions | Favorites | +Add Question
LATEST
POPULAR PRIORITY RANDOM

All | Games | Funny | Entertainment | Quizzes | Weird | Tech | People | Arts/Lit | News | Science | Sports | Places | Misc

4,446 hits 3.0 (3 votes) Share Favorite | Flag 4 years ago by chips2001

If a battered wife/husband chooses to stay with his/her abuser, are they to blame for allowing the abuse to continue?
Are the victim's choices to blame for the abuse situation?

http://i.imgur.com/FG44q.jpg


Put This Question on Your Page (MySpace, Livejournal, Blog, etc)
[Preview] EMBED CODE:


Prev 1 2 Next (showing 1-25 of 26)

Bottom Last Post

4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Saturday 12/8/12 - 11:05:15 PM EST (GMT-5)
I wouldn't say they are to blame, but i don't feel overwhelmed with sympathy.
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Sunday 12/9/12 - 1:12:10 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 12/8/12 - 11:05:15 PM Abzurd wrote:
I wouldn't say they are to blame, but i don't feel overwhelmed with sympathy.

4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Sunday 12/9/12 - 1:25:52 AM EST (GMT-5)
Absolutely not. The one committing the abuse is always responsible for their own actions. In this instance, the abused is making a poor choice, but that does not mean that they are to blame.
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Sunday 12/9/12 - 3:02:36 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Sunday 12/9/12 - 1:25:52 AM LushusPigeon wrote:
Absolutely not. The one committing the abuse is always responsible for their own actions. In this instance, the abused is making a poor choice, but that does not mean that they are to blame.

They may or may not be making a poor choice. It depends on the alternatives available. For some people, there is no support system available for them outside of that relationship, and they may not be in a position to support themselves.
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Sunday 12/9/12 - 1:13:34 PM EST (GMT-5)
Sometimes it's more dangerous to leave...The abuse victims are the only ones who can judge that, and that's usually why they stay.

Other reasons are financial, and/or they don't think they can make it on their own (in order words: the abuser accomplished their goal), and a bunch of other reasons, but those are among the most common.
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Sunday 12/9/12 - 1:13:59 PM EST (GMT-5)
*other
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Sunday 12/9/12 - 6:57:35 PM EST (GMT-5)
"If you ever leave me I'll kill you."

So they stay. Not their fault.
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Sunday 12/9/12 - 6:59:56 PM EST (GMT-5)
placing any blame whatsoever on the abused demonstrates either a clear lack of understanding of the psychology of domestic abuse, or a cavalier attitude on it bordering on the sociopathic
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Sunday 12/9/12 - 7:43:33 PM EST (GMT-5)
kung summed it up pretty well
what i basically came in here to say is that so much of it is psychological
telling an abuse victim to just get out of the situation is like telling someone who has depression to just be happy
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Sunday 12/9/12 - 8:12:25 PM EST (GMT-5)
Abusive relationships wear down your strength and self esteem so much that you're not thinking with a clear mind.

Guess it's like asking a brainwashed cult member why they're staying at the compound.
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Sunday 12/9/12 - 11:09:56 PM EST (GMT-5)
if the abuser shows no sign of change, best to get out of it. i don't know if i should feel bad for someone who doesn't want to get out of an abusive relationship, especially one that escalates to physical abuse.
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Sunday 12/9/12 - 11:17:18 PM EST (GMT-5)
Not if they stay. If they leave them, and them go back, then yes. For example, I'm not having any sympathy for Rihannah if she ends up beaten the f*ck up again.
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Sunday 12/9/12 - 11:18:15 PM EST (GMT-5)
sure is brave in here
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Monday 12/10/12 - 1:00:50 PM EST (GMT-5)
these threads are nice
the dumb people willingly offer unto us proof that they are, in fact, mentally slow
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Tuesday 12/11/12 - 12:54:11 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Monday 12/10/12 - 1:00:50 PM redreine wrote:
these threads are nice the dumb people willingly offer unto us proof that they are, in fact, mentally slow

"On the internet, you can appear to be whatever you wish. The amazing thing is that so many people wish to appear to be complete fools."
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Tuesday 12/11/12 - 1:47:40 PM EST (GMT-5)
No one is to blame except the person doing the abusing and this should be obvious. But after seeing friends stay with abusers, you eventually stop feeling sorry for them and stop trying to help them.
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Sunday 12/16/12 - 4:23:52 AM EST (GMT-5)
Yes. But not as much as the abuser of course.
4 yrs ago, 11 mos ago - Wednesday 12/19/12 - 1:55:30 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Sunday 12/9/12 - 11:17:18 PM AceBobcat wrote:
Not if they stay. If they leave them, and them go back, then yes. For example, I'm not having any sympathy for Rihannah if she ends up beaten the f*ck up again.



Most abused people aren't like Rihanna, obv - she has plenty of money and could leave at any time.

Most people I've come across who stay with their abusers are low-income moms who wouldn't be able to afford caring for their children on their own, though, and it's very sad.
It bugs me when people make it seem as though leaving an abuser is so easy, when people actually have a lot at stake - not so easy to get up & leave when you're a disabled person who depends on your partner for care, when you have kids that you can't support on one income, etc.
4 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Friday 12/28/12 - 5:14:35 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Wednesday 12/19/12 - 1:55:30 PM petrichor wrote:
Most abused people aren't like Rihanna, obv - she has plenty of money and could leave at any time.

Not to mention it's good press. I have only the barest sympathies for those two.

On Sunday 12/9/12 - 6:59:56 PM Kungfullama wrote:
placing any blame whatsoever on the abused demonstrates either a clear lack of understanding of the psychology of domestic abuse, or a cavalier attitude on it bordering on the sociopathic

Exactly this.
4 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Friday 12/28/12 - 5:27:46 PM EST (GMT-5)
Context matters, obviously.


It simply isn't as easy as going "Well I'm out of here", therefore battered wives can't be seen as 'to blame'. However we do need to recognise many women have a tendency/become used to these kind of relationships, therefore simply Saying the women is blameless doesn't work.


On a separate note I highly recommend the film 'tyrannosaur' came out last year and deals with these issues (With a fantastic performance by Olivia Coleman (Sophie from Peep Show))
4 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Friday 12/28/12 - 5:32:50 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Sunday 12/9/12 - 11:17:18 PM AceBobcat wrote:
Not if they stay. If they leave them, and them go back, then yes. For example, I'm not having any sympathy for Rihannah if she ends up beaten the f*ck up again.
On Wednesday 12/19/12 - 1:55:30 PM petrichor wrote:
Most abused people aren't like Rihanna, obv - she has plenty of money and could leave at any time.


Rich people can't get abused. Good to know.
4 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Sunday 12/30/12 - 12:09:03 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Friday 12/28/12 - 5:32:50 PM Ongooshk wrote:
Rich people can't get abused. Good to know.


What part of my comment implies that she wasn't or couldn't be abused?
Rihanna (and other wealthy people) IS an abuse victim; but class privilege tends to cushion people from life's worst abuses - a childfree, independently wealthy woman is obviously much freer to leave her abuser than, say, a rural housewife with three kids that she couldn't earn enough money to feed on her own.

That's why I'm usually not a fan of 'stockholm syndrome' type explanations for why people stay with their abusers - it ignores the primary role that class constraints play.
4 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Sunday 12/30/12 - 5:11:20 PM EST (GMT-5)
There's also the issue of battered men being ashamed of telling anyone about the abuse.
Doesn't matter how big and tough you are, a woman can still come up behind you and crack you on the head or whatnot.
4 yrs ago, 10 mos ago - Sunday 12/30/12 - 7:20:43 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Sunday 12/30/12 - 5:11:20 PM Mispelled wrote:
There's also the issue of battered men being ashamed of telling anyone about the abuse. Doesn't matter how big and tough you are, a woman can still come up behind you and crack you on the head or whatnot.


It's fairly rare, to the extent of not existing. Certainly not as prevalent as the battering of women. Indeed the "mutual battery" thesis (Regarding homosexual couples) also falls into that category. It's mainly newspapers not understanding statistics.
1 month ago - Tuesday 10/17/17 - 10:58:03 AM EST (GMT-5)
I have a friend who gets abused by his girlfriend.
She will chase, jump on him, bite his face, scratch and kick.
All because he wants to leave the house to get away from the argument.

Prev 1 2 Next (showing 1-25 of 26)



You need to be logged in to post a reply

New to YT? Create a Free Account ~ Have an Account? Log In

Top



10 Most Popular Questions Today
1 If a defendant is found `not guilty`, do you assume that they are innocent?

2 Should transgender people use the bathroom of the gender on their birth certificates, or by what gender they most look like?

3 Have you ever gotten a small loan of a million dollars?

4 Have you ever been in a fist fight before?

5 Is Rock and Roll here to stay?

6 Would you rather have no elbows or no knees?

7 Do you think Donald Trump will become the president of the United States?

8 Is Squidward`s skin color blue or green?

9 Has anyone from youthink ever been on Jeopardy?

10 Are you a dedicated follower of fashion?

More Questions
Friends
Daily Moment of Joy
Personality Quizzes
Funny Videos
I-Am-Bored.com
Free IQ Test
The Impossible Quiz
Intelligence Test
Relationship Test
Doodie Cartoons
 
Edit