Questions of the Week

1. Would you rather have no arms, or pineapples for hands?
Added by: PoppinCorks

2. Do you think there has ever been a "rigged" election in the United States?
Added by: WonderLand42

3. Are social issues like abortion even relevant in the 2008 U.S. Presidential election considering the state of the global economy?
Added by: captaintito

4. Is it rude to photograph strangers without their permission?
Added by: punkusmartyr

5. Are you afraid of terrorism?
Added by: Wubba D

1. How well do you know Eastenders?
Added by: AdamDay

2. What horse riding style are you?
Added by: Shiloh1314

3. How well do you know Dracula?
Added by: inulover1818

4. How Ambitious Are You?
Added by: Rach-Chill

5. Car Quiz
Added by: MattMils03

Funniest Comments of the Week

Random journal:
miss_depp: Oh. Dear. God. Bf got a job over there, he leaves in six weeks, I leave in January because my boss begged me to stay for a while so I can train whoever replaces me. Sh*t... this is a big, big change.
0606pg: I would post a heart felt comment , but my mate is farting in my face and slightly distracting me.
Krymson: Do you two live together?
0606pg: No, we are just out drinking and he is stopping over.

In a journal about political phone calls:
Cheese King: It might be fun to get threatening phone calls from celebrities. "Vote for Prop A- - Ahnold knows where you live."
Rik_Khaos: "Vote for me if you want to live."

In a thread titled "Ringo Starr: 'No more autographs and stop sending me fan mail' " where Ringo announces he will stop responding to mail:
thh: At least he has been responding quicker than John and George.
Boredofu: I wrote to John and the envelope was returned marked, imagine there's no heaven.

Q: Do you pee in the shower? :
Wubba D: Of course - how else am I going to wash the poo down the drain?

In a thread in music asking a song that'd describe your life:
Abzurd: I'm too sexy - Right Said Fred
le_berger: Funny, I had you pegged as a Loser - Beck kinda guy...
Abzurd: On a rainy day, sure. But I'm mostly "Minimum Wage" by They Might Be Giants

Joke of the Week

Dad's embarrassing career

David is in the 5th grade. Yesterday morning when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living, all the typical answers came up: fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

The teacher noticed that David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so she asked him about his father.

'My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and do it with him for money.'

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took David aside to ask him, 'Is that really true about your father?'

'No,' said David, red faced. 'He plays for the Detroit Lions, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids...'

Member of the Week

The member of the week is McDoug8. A member since October 2007, McD was the winner of the recent Poison Arrow assassin game. He bested out 25 other YT competitors in the match. Thanks again to Sammy for running the contest, and Congrats!

JoeInterview's Member Feature

This week's interview features Hael. This interview was conducted by travbowman.

JoeInterview: Would you be down for an interview in an upcoming YT newsletter?

Hael: Hm. Do you have the ability to legally commit my answers show me to be insane? Or the ability to make sense of that sentence? Cause I don't...

JI: You will be judged in a trial of your YT peers.

Hael: Hm, I'll give it a shot.

JI: First off, how did you find YT?

Hael: Hm. That's a much harder question now that I think about it. I was bored some 7 years ago and informed google and stumbled upon a link to YT. For a few months I just lurked and answered questions.

JI: You recently added a suggestion to the suggestions forum to overthrow Buddy. What should YT expect with you as its supreme overlord?

Hael: Now there's a question I can answer. First the mods will be required to take a loyalty test. Those who fail will be stripped of their rank but those who pass get a shiny new hat signifying their power.

The swear filter will be removed and members who don't have keys will be required to answer a series of questions abut 80s sitcoms and pop music to prove their age. Since trivia is so popular this should entertain the newbies more than posting would have anyway.

Each forum will have a different password that changes every day and only the mods of the forum will know what it is. The password will give access to the cooler threads which will be the only ones where images will be allowed to be posted. They'll post various on the other pages. It will be a treasure hunt each day.

Also we'll finally remove Buddy's infamous "no jews" policy which I am making up here to make him look like a nazi. It will be replaced with a much more reasonable "no mexicans" policy.

A sort of karma system will be added allowing each member to be voted on in douchiness. Mods, or Judges as they will now be called, will have access to a special page listing all the top rated douchiness for easier banning.

The clock time zone will be changed to UTC -2 as it is the time zone covering the South Sandwich Islands which is of course the spiritual homeland of this site. Sort of like YT's Mecca.

Thread operators will have the freedom to ban users from their threads or to force all of a user's post to be translated into Pirate speak.
More themes will be added letting users change their background and text colors, as well as the layout of threads and the option to turn yellow envelopes on or off.

The horribly unfair "no mexicans" policy which I never approved of in the first place will removed in favor of a "mexicans only" policy.

YT will be at war with Eastasia. YT has always been at war with Eastasia.

A game forum will be added allowing YTers to chat while playing simple games like hangman, tic tac toe, chess, and Battlefield 2.

There will be a special forum for posting original work such as poetry, short stories, novellas, screenplays, novels, art, and amateur porn. They will be rated and lower rating works will be translated into Pirate speak. Especially the porn.

More will be added as I think of them.

Oh yeah, and back to "no mexicans."

JI: Can you give a few examples of Pirate Porn titles?

Hael: Long Dong Silver. Pirate Smokers of the Carribean. Treasure Island (the treasure is a vagina). Last of the F*ckaneers. Captain Horatio Cornholer. Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash, but mostly Sodomy.

JI: Whose douchiness levels do you expect to rise immediately and meteorically?

Hael: METEORS DO NOT RISE. Electric's obviously. Really anyone posted in the tool or ugly threads in general.

JI: What other interesting facts about meteors can you share with us?

Hael: Despite a popular misconception, meteor showers are actually incredibly boring. On a similar note, asteroid belts are nothing like depicted in movies. The rocks are usually extremely far from each other and it would be nearly impossible to lose a spaceship by swerving through asteroids in a wicked awesome chase.

JI: What wicked awesome chase scene needs to be done in a movie?

Hael: I'm designing a lunar flying vehicle to be used with NASA's Altair lander for a class. I've already begun making plans for awesome moon chases involving astronauts jumping from one flier to another and kung fu fighting across them. Also a guy chasing another in wing suits equipped with jet packs.

JI: Would Carl Douglas' song be featured heavily on the soundtrack?

Hael: Naturally. But it will be a techno remix. Also it will be inaudible as there is no sound in space and I strive for realism in all things.

JI: Who else will be featured on your inaudible soundtrack?

Hael: Straus - also sprach zarathustra

Oasis - f*ckin in the bushes

Dropkick murphys -i'm shipping up to boston

Bach - Toccata and Fugue in D minor

The only song that won't be muted is "4'33" by John Cage

JI: Turtles. Expand please.

Hael: Sorry. One of my turtles died and I had to take some time off to find myself. After several months at a Buddhist monastery and a lot of montage scenes I think I have finally come to grips with it.

Since the dawn of time man has recognized the majesty and power of the noble turtle. From the Hindu myth of the giant turtle Chukwa holding up the elephants who hold up the world swimming in the primordial ocean of milk to some other ancient turtle god why not, there are literally several examples of humans deifying the regal creature. Perhaps man sees something of himself in the turtle. Man's first need of security is represented in the thick shell of the turtle. They also personify stability. And they're green. Man's love of turtles peaked at the first Olympics in the historic race between that hero of man the turtle and man's ancient foe the rabbit. The cocky rabbit acted like a total jerk and showed off throughout the race. Near the end it thought its lead was so secure that it went out drinking with its frat buddies and figured it'd be back in time to finish the race.

The slow and steady turtle overcame great adversity to win the race and thus the youth center was saved and the turtle got the girl and also rabbit stew was invented.

The Romans recognized the battle prowess of the turtle. While observing a few turtles happily playing in a stream one day, Julius Caesar was surprised to see them ambushed by a horde of rabbits. The rabbits fire their arrows at the turtles but they bounced harmlessly off their shells and the turtles were able to advance close enough to cut down the rabbits with their short swords. Caesar hired some of the turtles' best warriors to teach his men and thereafter this formation was known as ' Testudo' which is the Roman word for turtle.

Then a thousand years or so passed and some other stuff happened and some of it was probably related to turtles.

When Charles Darwin set out on his fateful expedition on the Beagle II he never dreamed that he would meet the wise and ancient Tortoise race. As far as he knew he was just going on a relaxing gay cruise. But fate had other plans in mind. Plans involving turtles. A powerful thunderstorm wrecked Darwin's ship off the coast of the Galapagos Islands and he only managed to survive by holding onto the back of a Sea Turtle that came to rescue him. The Sea Turtle dropped him off on shore where an honor guard of tortoises led him to their king Steve.

Steve had ruled the Galapagos islands for thousands of years leading his people in a war against the iguana tribes and the finch kingdoms and perhaps some more animals that live there, I don't know, what am I a naturalist? Steve taught Darwin about evolution and in return Darwin told Steve about some of his recent work on barnacles which bored the sh*t out of everyone for miles around. Darwin went home to spread the good news of the Tortoise people but forgot his trusty pimp cane. When he returned to the island to get it the tortoises had vanished, never to be seen again.

Every person is born with an inner yearning to return to his turtle filled past. Perhaps if we take good enough care of our turtle companions one day King Steve will return and teach us how to build jet packs and eye lasers and other cool sh*t like that.

JI: Biggest embarrassment in the history of the Turtle: Teenage Mutant Ninja, or "Happy Together"?

Hael: At least TMNT portrays them heroicly and accurately depicts their weapon skills. "Happy Together" is just awful.

JI: A bottle of vodka, a blowtorch, and a crowbar.

Do your worst, MacGuyver.

Hael: Drink the vodka, set the crow bar on fire with the blow torch. Set anything else nearby on fire. Um what's my goal here?

JI: To get the most chicks, I'm assuming. Either that or Truth, Justice, and the American Way.

Hael: Chicks like drunk guys wielding flaming crowbars right?

JI: I'm pretty sure most of the chicks reading this interview would anyway. What's the stupidest thing you've ever done while drunk?

Hael: This interview. BURN. Really I'm pretty sane when sober. The stupidest thing I do is usually just drink more. I should probably have a great story for this. I'll work on that.

JI: Should we see if we can get Buddy to fund sending you booze on the count that it'd make the interview more readable? I think we can get it approved. What is your drink of choice?

Hael: White russians

JI: Hmmm...not sure how to keep milk fresh in the mail. Do you have a parting shot to share with your fellow YTers?

Hael: No.

This week's article is titled 'Black and white TV generation have monochrome dreams', and the thread was posted by preface.

This week's link is titled 'Test Your Colour IQ', and the link was posted by -pigpang-.

Best Avatar of the Week	Best Profile Design of the Week
Cheese King	"Urbane" by miss_depp

Featured Article of the Week

Nightfalls
Excerpt: It was a very cold and windy August evening on the West Coast. Beach goers that looked forward that morning to a nice walk in shorts and sandals were bundled up in autumn jackets desperately hiding their necks behind their collars.

Written by mynameismike

Check it all out at YouThink.com!