Going to a very silent place. Regrouping with soaking in water. Regrouping away from people besides my family. It should be good. I’m looking forward to it. Tomorrow is the... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of amaqdrinker | mood: Good

Silence soon.

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4 months ago - Sunday 7/26/20 - 10:04:00 PM EST (GMT-5)
Going to a very silent place. Regrouping with soaking in water. Regrouping away from people besides my family. It should be good. I’m looking forward to it. Tomorrow is the start of the final stretch. Just five more days of hard work. At this point I only have one week of vacation and it’s all being used at once.

It really is a quiet place. We have a routine that we’re accustomed to. It’s nearing the point of ritual. I think it’s been every summer for almost twenty years. I think there was a stretch without it but we’ve been going for a long time.

So this is the kicking off point.

The drinking might be out of control. I hope it isn’t but it might be. Which conflicts with the silence. Like mornings. Time reading. Daily tennis. Coffee on the dock.

But we’ve begun to ramp up the lake drinking. I guess it is what it is. We are all drinkers among my brothers.

But yay...

4 months ago - Monday 7/27/20 - 11:53:44 AM EST (GMT-5)
My dad wants to take me somewhere but its going yo rain. Idrc though
4 months ago - Monday 7/27/20 - 1:54:53 PM EST (GMT-5)
Going places is fun. Is it somewhere where you can swim?

I’m going to a lake where I can swim and drink a beer whenever I want.
4 months ago - Monday 7/27/20 - 2:07:23 PM EST (GMT-5)
Don't swim under the influence.
4 months ago - Monday 7/27/20 - 2:27:48 PM EST (GMT-5)
Why not?
4 months ago - Monday 7/27/20 - 2:32:08 PM EST (GMT-5)
You'll get pulled over and they'll confiscate your flippers and trunks
4 months ago - Monday 7/27/20 - 2:43:32 PM EST (GMT-5)
I could see kayaking under the influence being an issue. We have a beach though. You can stand up to your shoulders. Completely sober I’m already quite an inefficient swimmer so I probably won’t be swimming a ton anyway. I’ll just wade and float a bit. There is a shallow rock pile out in the corner of the bend. It’s a good little crawl. But I don’t know. I’ll be careful.
4 months ago - Tuesday 7/28/20 - 2:04:15 PM EST (GMT-5)
First day making the amount after the raise was actually really slow. I ended up hunting down and calibrating gauges. I think there’s less stress knowing that they are willing to reward me for the work I’m doing.

I got a haircut today. Woke up kind of early. Not so early that I’m exhausted but early enough that I’m bored and waiting for work to start.

Knowing that I have a week off after Friday helps matters as well. I’m definitely doing a countdown in my head. Tuesday just feels like Tuesday this week though.

I wonder if we’ll have to be quarantined while we’re away. NY is imposing quarantines for other states. I think other states might still be requiring quarantined from NY but I’m not sure. Read my Bible again. Just wasting time now.
4 months ago - Tuesday 7/28/20 - 11:35:06 PM EST (GMT-5)
I’m trying to figure something out now. The first two days after the raise have been slow. There’s a few scenarios.

One. They had ramped up my work schedule in order to assess my ability and decide based upon my performance whether or not I deserve a raise. Now normal schedule seems light because they’re no longer challenging me but know that I can step up if needed. This is less desirable.

Two. The first shift lady is taking half the week off. She gets stuff to shopping during the week so with her gone they know my shift could end up busier and they don’t want to overload me for the week. So they’re giving me time to prepare for the rest of the week. This would be ideal.

Unfortunately I think it might also be that the company just ebbs and flows. And that frustrates me. The feast or famine mentality.

Whatever though.

Mets are still romping the Red Sox so I’m happy.
4 months ago - Wednesday 7/29/20 - 11:08:47 AM EST (GMT-5)
I’ll take some pictures and stuff. I’m not just going to be talking myself through work stress for pages. I really am going on vacation next week.
4 months ago - Thursday 7/30/20 - 12:01:27 AM EST (GMT-5)
Does everyone just want me to shut up?

Work was fine. Still kind of had to scramble for stuff to do by the end of the night.

Payday. Friday. Vaca.

Almost there.
4 months ago - Thursday 7/30/20 - 12:13:24 AM EST (GMT-5)
You seem to have a lot more on than me.
4 months ago - Thursday 7/30/20 - 12:13:31 AM EST (GMT-5)
You did promise silence soon at the beginning of the thread
4 months ago - Thursday 7/30/20 - 12:19:43 AM EST (GMT-5)
Yeah. It was kind of spooky quiet in here for a second.

I definitely could have pulled a jump scare spoilered dick pic.
4 months ago - Thursday 7/30/20 - 12:36:56 AM EST (GMT-5)
But please don't
4 months ago - Thursday 7/30/20 - 9:36:29 AM EST (GMT-5)
I won’t.

I just need to remind myself to care enough but not too much. I need to know my limitations. I also should try and make sure I just make it through the day. Today and tomorrow hopefully go smoothly.

Worst case I have a bear of a problem tonight or tomorrow that I can’t fix. I get overwhelmed and drown myself in beer and then drown myself in the lake. That probably won’t happen but...

This week it’s been more of the limb effect that I’m dealing with rather than being lost because of some level of uncertainty. Similar but not the same.

The limb is when I have to think of something to do and I do something not specifically asked of me. The effect being that I don’t know if I made the right decision.

It’s slightly easier than being given a specific task and having the same result.

Just the lack of or existence of expectation.

It’s easier when I just let myself down.
4 months ago - Friday 7/31/20 - 11:07:03 AM EST (GMT-5)
So they forgot paychecks last night. I’m direct deposit but some of the guys on the shift still get live checks. And I was over viewing things that had been caught by the customer beforehand.

So I was out on that limb when the supervisor came in at the end of the shift to tell me that he had forgotten checks.

My brain has a way of jumping and clinging to the irrational so I had just about convinced myself that they had incognito fired me. Then I was just pissed because of the other guys on the shift with live checks.

But it wasn’t really anything. My money is in my account now. I made my loan payment. I’m just about to put my rent check in the box. And I can flex thirty minutes tonight if I want to.

But they sure know how to make me feel crazy. A couple loose ends here. An unanswered question there.

But I don’t have to worry about it for a week.

Thank God.
4 months ago - Friday 7/31/20 - 11:48:16 AM EST (GMT-5)
My company's screwed up checks just like this before and in other ways. It's easy to get paranoid, but usually stuff like this is just incompetence as that is rampant in work environments.

I hope you enjoy your vacation.
4 months ago - Friday 7/31/20 - 11:30:16 PM EST (GMT-5)
Woohoo.

Thanks Mrs. Doll.

Work was actually good tonight too. The bear was yesterday but today I killed that f*cking bear.
3 months ago - Saturday 8/1/20 - 3:53:12 AM EST (GMT-5)
Be nice to bears. They're good people
3 months ago - Saturday 8/1/20 - 9:54:34 AM EST (GMT-5)
..unless they are from Chicago.
3 months ago - Monday 8/10/20 - 12:11:01 AM EST (GMT-5)
Are you still on vacation?
3 months ago - Monday 8/10/20 - 10:48:49 AM EST (GMT-5)
No, home. Work at three.

I’ll update later. I didn’t take pictures though.
3 months ago - Monday 8/10/20 - 1:33:01 PM EST (GMT-5)
So the weather was good. The lake was nice. There was some wind that knocked out power for a couple of days but we improvised.

I kind of argued with my siblings a bit. There was some tension there. I’m usually the most apt to end up arguing. It was okay though.

The drinking was a little much. My brother bought booze. I kept a steady stock of pale ales in the mix. We played beer die.

We also played a lot of tennis, some basketball and some soccer, swam a bunch, I ran almost every morning.

But unfortunately I am reminded why I’m not at my parents saving money due to some of the underlying issues with my siblings. The personal space I have in my own apartment is probably necessary in the long run.

But still nice to spend a week away. I didn’t get sunburned but I do now have a fairly even tan except for where my swim trunks go.

I’d like to keep up the exercising but it’s so hot
3 months ago - Monday 8/10/20 - 1:34:15 PM EST (GMT-5)
and I don’t always have a lake that I can jump into afterwards.

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