She`s like me. Not ugly, not pretty. I`m not sexually attracted to her but I like her spitfire attitude and sense of humor. It also helps that she said she... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of snarf | mood: Good

I`m thinking about asking someone out.

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8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 8:50:18 PM EST (GMT-5)
She's like me. Not ugly, not pretty.

I'm not sexually attracted to her but I like her spitfire attitude and sense of humor. It also helps that she said she wants to suck my brains out.

I hesitate to ask her out because she's black and I'm white. I'm pretty sure our tastes in music won't line up. I really have no idea about black culture and I'm afraid of saying or doing something stupid.

I'm probably just making excuses because I'm afraid to get in a relationship.

I'm depressed.

I want to be happy.

It's a real possibility she could help me be happy but

Ok I'll admit it. I'm afraid of caring again.

8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 9:01:05 PM EST (GMT-5)

8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 9:05:21 PM EST (GMT-5)
That's what all the guys at work say.

I'm chickensh*t.

I have excuses out the ass.
8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 9:08:57 PM EST (GMT-5)
It's been 7 years since I was hospitalized but I'm still afraid of hurting someone again.

I guess I could ask her out on a date then drop a sh*t ton of crap on her and ask if she wants to keep going.
8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 9:21:21 PM EST (GMT-5)
Yeah, just tell her.
My boyfriend has bipolar and he's doing pretty well with it in the past 2 years I've known him, but I know he might need hospitalization or whatever at some point in the future. I'm glad I had the information right away and could do research. That said, doesn't have to be the first date. Just let her know before things get serious.

P.S. People of all races like all different types of music and hobbies. Don't assume stereotypes.
8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 9:30:31 PM EST (GMT-5)
I feel your ps.

To be blunt I've never had a black friend. Plenty of acquaintances and coworkers but never anyone I hung out with on a regular basis.

I'm not racist but I haven't exactly been working to improve relations or get to know anyone.
8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 9:42:03 PM EST (GMT-5)
I've mostly lived in places with a lot of white people, so I understand not getting to know people in your every day life. At my job, we have a majority African-American patient base and people like all sorts of things, like comic book conventions or country music or whatever. Some people are religious, some aren't. Etc.
Keep your mind open and get to know people one at a time.
8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 9:45:54 PM EST (GMT-5)
I appreciate the good advice. I'm pretty sure she's not religious, thank god.
8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 10:34:12 PM EST (GMT-5)
Who gives a damn about musical tastes? Of all the women I’ve been with, how many do you think out on the Don’t Break the Oath album by Merxyful Fate? None.
8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 11:02:48 PM EST (GMT-5)
Music is a big part of my life. A lot of evenings I put on Pandora and read or I just listen.

Worst case scenario she loves rap. I don't.

Stereotyping again I know but I always see the negatives.
8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 11:31:04 PM EST (GMT-5)
Well, just show up in your pickup with some PBR on the back seat next to a NASCAR magazine and put your Kenny Chesney CD in to play then see how she reacts.
Oh, oops. Am I guilty of stereotyping too?
8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 11:33:09 PM EST (GMT-5)
But seriously now. Agree with the other posters here. Get over your fears and prejudice and have some fun with a lady friend. Focus on the "friend" part.
8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 11:37:12 PM EST (GMT-5)
I hate country more than I hate rap!
8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 11:41:33 PM EST (GMT-5)
so your first gut reaction to a white girl interest is “ what if she likes country music?”
8 months ago - Thursday 2/21/19 - 11:42:21 PM EST (GMT-5)
See how useful stereotypes are?
Go. Have fun. What do you have planned?
8 months ago - Friday 2/22/19 - 12:01:56 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Thursday 2/21/19 - 11:41:33 PM petitefleur wrote:
so your first gut reaction to a white girl interest is “ what if she likes country music?”



I've rejected people because of country music. The twanging and nasal singing gets on my nerves.

I think music compatability is very important. You can't tell someone not to listen to what they love.

8 months ago - Friday 2/22/19 - 12:03:46 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Thursday 2/21/19 - 11:42:21 PM postallbear wrote:
See how useful stereotypes are? Go. Have fun. What do you have planned?

Dinner and a walk by the river so we can talk. If it's cold then a coffee house for talking.
8 months ago - Friday 2/22/19 - 12:06:33 AM EST (GMT-5)
Also pf I think of every worst case negative before asking anyone out.

Enough negatives and I don't have to risk rejection, I just don't ask.
8 months ago - Friday 2/22/19 - 1:56:33 AM EST (GMT-5)
You should ask, "hey what music do you like" rather than assume based on stereotypes. But, yeah, you're probably looking for excuses.

I'm lucky with music compatibility because I've liked at least something from every genre and I can tolerate a lot. The only issue is if someone only listened to...smooth jazz, idk.
8 months ago - Friday 2/22/19 - 2:27:48 AM EST (GMT-5)
Haha I like to imagine the life of the person exclusively listens to smooth jazz
8 months ago - Friday 2/22/19 - 2:28:41 AM EST (GMT-5)
I feel like they would like to wear nice sweaters and their car interior would be spotless.
8 months ago - Friday 2/22/19 - 2:37:07 AM EST (GMT-5)
I agree with your feeling completely


Snarf. Definitely ask her. If you are rejected or she only listens to rap all day every day, you can come back here and we will comfort you.
8 months ago - Friday 2/22/19 - 2:47:15 AM EST (GMT-5)
I think sexual attraction matters more than music compatibility.
8 months ago - Friday 2/22/19 - 2:56:04 AM EST (GMT-5)
Some people need both. You need sexual attraction to some degree. Otherwise it should just be a friendship.
But music can matter. BF and I sometimes sit and listen to music as its own activity. We have a bit of a Venn diagram of music going on. Stuff we both like in the middle, but our own stuff on the sides that we share with each other.
8 months ago - Friday 2/22/19 - 3:04:46 AM EST (GMT-5)
I dated a guy who I wasn't attracted to and it just was doomed from the start. We were great friends but without that spark it just never took off.


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