Today was kind of long. My boss worked late to do programming. My work is pretty technical. It uses a lot of focus and I am able to fall into... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of Wolf_In_Jar | mood: Good

Psychological update... Pandora makes me crazy.

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1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 12:02:44 AM EST (GMT-5)
Today was kind of long. My boss worked late to do programming. My work is pretty technical. It uses a lot of focus and I am able to fall into a routine. Like a routine in the sense of knowing repeatable processes in a manufacturing environment are essential to the success of a manufacturing environment.

So my boss’s presence kind of frazzled me.

And there was music playing in both of the labs. And I kind of tweaked. I mean. I recovered. But I definitely tripped.

It was fine. My boss seems to have interpreted it as enthusiasm. The third shift operator and I got some training and I got to just sit and listen for a while. This happened at my first job out of college too. Where I’d come home feeling as though I had lost my cool.

It makes me wonder about my medication. Off my medication I can get stuck in routine very easily. And I think I might overreact to interruptions.

1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 12:08:19 AM EST (GMT-5)
I had a pandora account way before it got monetized, maybe around 2006 or so? This was back when it was touted as an experiment to find music similar to what you liked and would ask what you liked about each song. I remember I had 3 stations that basically turned into the same thing cause I always told it I liked melodic, minor sounding rock music.

I miss that pandora.

Spotify is worthless unless you pay for it. A new friend shared a song from a band I never heard and I listened to it. It was indie midwest american emo, my favorite. The next song spotify played was some shxt by ariana grande, like wtf. Then 2 more songs that were indie gems and then lil yachty, grande again, brunoMars, and then Jimmy Eat World (which I ). What a shxtty algorithm
1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 12:16:21 AM EST (GMT-5)
I use iTunes Match and Apple Music usually.

I just have the option to put on Pandora. No phones though so I can’t play my playlists.

Pixies Pandora was alright. A lot of Modest Mouse, Nirvana, Weezer, Sonic Youth, etc. Familiar with a lot of it. I just think it’s not my style for that kind of work. My boss listens to his stations while he works.

I just need to not let this anxiety compound. Probably no music tomorrow. Hopefully back to routine.
1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 12:42:36 AM EST (GMT-5)
All that happened was there was an out of tolerance dimension that I was verifying. I wanted to double check my method. Had the boss look at it. Went and talked to the guy running the machine/shift supervisor as directed.

But the prompting by my boss kind of got me going a step ahead of myself and then I got caught talking to the supervisor without a fully formed idea. Had to scramble for a few more measurements.

Ultimately came out with a better idea of their expectations, but looked like a spazz doing it. Or I felt like I looked like a spazz. I should probably just accept that my perception may be inaccurate. My boss did not reprimand me and actually gave me more encouragement.


Just need to be less self conscious probably.
1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 12:00:32 PM EST (GMT-5)
so apparently the noun version of spaz has only one z. so therefore i should freak out...

i like this song...

it has occurred to me to hear that song in my brain on occasion.

i am really considering trying next week on the double dose though. or the normal dose.

news flash though. for real. i think going to bars by yourself is more enjoyable. i think i'm still on edge from the house party i was at this weekend where i drank too much. maybe it was just a bad party. i don't know.

but maybe i should do the trip to saratoga and just sip a beer. by myself this weekend. it's getting to be a problem. this is several weekends in a row that i've been drinking heavily. between concerts and burlington and halloween. i need a break.

i'm also drinking too much coffee every day. there are multiple factors that lead to this...
1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 10:58:13 PM EST (GMT-5)
Spotify is amazing IF you pay for it. The increased functionality on mobile is why I pay for it. I don't use the radio feature but it has every song I want and I can make playlists and download them to my phone...

Pandora is awful. Haven't used it since the days Orion was talking about.

It's my opinion that you should mix music into your routine though. With or without meds, find music you like and play it over and over and it can help keep you stable. Keep you in the same mood. At least that's what I do. I listened to one song for five hours today.

Because I'm crazy (too).

I love going to bars by myself. I talk to no one, because married. Or the occasional comment to someone who talks to me first. Because woman. But there's something about the atmosphere of a bar with everyone drinking and music playing that is better alone. You can take it all in.
1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 11:01:45 PM EST (GMT-5)
I feel like that drastically depends on the bar. Went bar hopping with some old friends this weekend in a college town. We were the old people.
1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 11:07:38 PM EST (GMT-5)
The "bar" by my house is always empty, even on weekends. It's a restaurant with a bar in the back. It definitely changes the vibe when there is no one there...
1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 11:43:44 PM EST (GMT-5)
I invested in iTunes. Bought an iPod with my first job. Started collecting. When I got a smart phone iTunes Match was the obvious choice. Took like three days to upload but I have my collection that I’m familiar with.

And I didn’t give up on the music. There’s a band that I saw in Albany called Bear Grass. Kind of nineties alternative female singer songwriter with a bit of a Beach House dream pop vibe. But their Pandora station was very soothing. Mazzy Star and other similar sounding lo-fi alternative. Some Edward Sharpe as well.

And I realized that I had a conversation with my boss about some of the stats software on the machines. Looking at it was like a pressure valve being released on my brain. I probably should have been using it the whole time but I’m probably better off spending the time with the hard data first.

A bar trip where I have to drive home might be in order.
1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 11:49:44 PM EST (GMT-5)
When I was a teen I had a string of iPods. Got my first in 2005 and had a few more after that. iTunes just kept pissing me off though so I totally gave up on Apple across the board.

I can't condone drinking and driving unless it's just one. I just started a job as a legal secretary and am sitting through the 2015 files... hundreds are DWI's, not something you want to have to deal with.

This one guy had 15-20% BAC, I don't know how he wasn't dead at the wheel >.<
1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 11:50:31 PM EST (GMT-5)
Sifting*

I've had quite a bit to drink tonight lol
1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 11:54:21 PM EST (GMT-5)
I’m good. I mean. I have driven drunk...

Yeah you caught me. I’ve been pulled over before and I’ve never been asked to take a breathalyzer.

But my dad is a local attorney...

It’s complicated. I don’t drive hammered but I do have three or four drinks over the course of a few hours...

My parents’ house is so boring though...

I’m a responsible driver I swear.
1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 11:56:03 PM EST (GMT-5)
I mean. Who hasn't driven drunk.

But you shouldn't plan to do it.

I'm the best driver I know and my husband is an attorney, but I'm still like nope.
1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 11:57:10 PM EST (GMT-5)
Really only one drink?
1 month ago - Thursday 11/1/18 - 11:58:00 PM EST (GMT-5)
I was pulled over for speeding by the way. And another time was a headlight.
1 month ago - Friday 11/2/18 - 12:00:28 AM EST (GMT-5)
Like. I want to have like three beers. Listen to a band. And... ugh. It was never really fun. Only in a misery loves company way.
1 month ago - Friday 11/2/18 - 12:00:49 AM EST (GMT-5)
I wouldn't risk it... anymore.

Apparently in my (new) state, .08 is over the limit but you can still get arrested for a .05, since they have reason to believe you were driving with a .08 and they just didn't catch you soon enough. I don't remember all the legal jargon but it's enough to scare me straight. I thought if you just passed the breathalyzer with less than a .08 you were good...
1 month ago - Friday 11/2/18 - 12:01:51 AM EST (GMT-5)
It's a lot cheaper to drink at home and listen to Spotify.
1 month ago - Friday 11/2/18 - 12:04:52 AM EST (GMT-5)
And by that I mean it doesn't cost you the 10k that a DUI would.
1 month ago - Friday 11/2/18 - 12:08:36 AM EST (GMT-5)
Yeah my dad told me about that.

DWAI

Driving while ability impaired.
1 month ago - Friday 11/2/18 - 12:09:45 AM EST (GMT-5)
Can I just have a martini and a beer and listen to some live jazz? Jazz is not the same on Spotify.
1 month ago - Friday 11/2/18 - 12:16:13 AM EST (GMT-5)
Sure. Just don't have 5 and don't mention I said it was ok.
1 month ago - Friday 11/2/18 - 12:23:11 AM EST (GMT-5)
Yeah. I’m already feeling like it’s not going to be enjoyable. I havent had a drink all week. Maybe I should just walk to the convenience store and get a tall boy. Ruminate a bit.
1 month ago - Friday 11/2/18 - 12:26:02 AM EST (GMT-5)
That doesn't sound like a terrible idea.

Or it's after midnight on a Thursday, sleep could be good...

I wouldn't know anything about that, though.
1 month ago - Friday 11/2/18 - 12:29:16 AM EST (GMT-5)
I work second shift. I can get away with a beer at midnight. But I also have very limited contact with other human beings...

I’m fine with a beer at midnight for the time being. Seems like a cruel trade off, but oh well.

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