I haven`t smoked a cigarette since Christmas. Vaping is my crutch so I don`t light up. After I make it to 90 days I`ll start weaning off if vaping. I`m... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of snarf | mood: Good

Day 61 no smoking. New record. Also, I can be an bum opening.

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1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Saturday 2/24/18 - 11:55:35 PM EST (GMT-5)
I haven't smoked a cigarette since Christmas. Vaping is my crutch so I don't light up. After I make it to 90 days I'll start weaning off if vaping. I'm pretty sure I'm done smoking but getting totally free of nicotine? Not so sure. After 30 years of addiction I know it won't be easy. I see myself quitting vaping and going back to it multiple times before I'm sucessful.
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Saturday 2/24/18 - 11:56:38 PM EST (GMT-5)
Cool. Asshole is censored in the title.
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 12:06:19 AM EST (GMT-5)
So some of you may have noticed I've been a prick lately.

I'm not going to apologise for going a little manic but I will say I regret some of the things I said. I was purposefully trying to piss people off and it was unnecessary.

It was actually counter productive because I think I had some good points to make but I turned people off to where they wouldn't listen.
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 12:21:51 AM EST (GMT-5)
I am glad that I pissed people off here though. It was one of the signs that led me to talk to the nurse about getting my meds adjusted.

For the last week or so I've been having trouble going to sleep then waking up multiple times before the alarm goes off.

I have trouble concentrating.

I'm talking fast and loud and my filter is not operating very well.

I get distracted easily.

I'm kinda having racing thoughts. Like I explained to the nurse I'm not doing the speed limit but they ain't going to pull me over yet.

Any one of these symptoms wouldn't concern me but taken together I knew I had to say something when I went door my shot on Friday.

I'm expecting people to think I'm trying to weasel out of my bad behavior in the news forum but I'm not. I'm just trying to let you in my head. I don't expect anyone to forgive me and I don't want anyone to .
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 12:24:20 AM EST (GMT-5)
I just want to give people a peek inside a bipolar head so maybe they will speak up if they see something wrong with someone they know.
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 12:33:02 AM EST (GMT-5)
So it was a public service?
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 12:42:37 AM EST (GMT-5)
Lol.

I see what you did there.

Like I told you in the pm I th ave thoughts like that all the time.

It's always the quiet ones.

Usually my filter works better and I don't say the f*cked up things that pass through.

After all, it's not the thoughts I have it's the thoughts I act on that makes me who I am.
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 12:58:17 AM EST (GMT-5)
It's nice to aee nothing has changed.

Everybody's always supportive of the crazy person till he starts acting crazy
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 1:03:22 AM EST (GMT-5)
I understand that mania makes people act different and you can't help it.

hope the meds help
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 1:08:59 AM EST (GMT-5)
Me too.

I haven't noticed a difference yet but it's only been a day and a half since my dosage was adjusted up.

I'm just glad I caught this before I found myself in an laying in an alley surrounded by cops like I did 7 years ago. They decided I was too agitated for the hospital to handle so they threw me in jail for 3 days before I could go to the hospital and calm down more.

I'm just amazed it's been 7 years since I was hospitalized it used to happen every 2 or 3.

I guess I'm better at noticing the signs and getting help before things go totally bad.
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 1:13:35 AM EST (GMT-5)
Yeah. I don't have it myself, but my boyfriend does...

so far I've known him a year and no prolonged manic episodes. But I've been reading a lot about it and keep an eye out for signs...
I think it might be a thing where other people can ser it before you do
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 1:21:42 AM EST (GMT-5)
That's usually the way it is.

In the 20+ years since i was diagnosed this is the first time I've caught a manic episode on the upswing.

I guess all those times coming down searching for clues and looking back in regret is starting to pay off.
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 1:23:45 AM EST (GMT-5)
hey snarf, i'd actually like to apologise to you for being a dick the other day in that thread. i was drunk as heck and full of righteousness and just going for the attack for the fun of it and i'm sorry
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 1:25:00 AM EST (GMT-5)
that's good that you are recognizing this, and doing something about it. i hope for all the best for you.

also, good job on keeping off the smoking. many of my relatives smoke or have smoked before, and two of them are dead. it's not an easy thing to quit.
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 1:26:24 AM EST (GMT-5)
Thanks skyfish but your being a dick to me is one of the things I noticed that convinced me I needed my meds adjusted. So keep it up.
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 1:27:09 AM EST (GMT-5)
ok you c*cksucker
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 1:28:25 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Sunday 2/25/18 - 1:25:00 AM Inquizitor2 wrote:
that's good that you are recognizing this, and doing something about it. i hope for all the best for you. also, good job on keeping off the smoking. many of my relatives smoke or have smoked before, and two of them are dead. it's not an easy thing to quit.

Thanks. I hope I can get totally of nicotine some day.
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 1:51:42 AM EST (GMT-5)
I'm glad you're coping better with the mania as well as the smoking...you can give it up..my mum and dad smoked for like 50 years and then quit..

of course my mother then died of lung cancer...so maybe quitting earlier would have been better
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 1:53:27 AM EST (GMT-5)
I smoked for 30 years without a break. Hopefully I didn't take too long to quit.
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 2:08:42 AM EST (GMT-5)
hey skyfish is I Break Mirrors With My Face In The United States the best song title ever
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 2:10:38 AM EST (GMT-5)

1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 2:11:21 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Sunday 2/25/18 - 2:08:42 AM Dirt_ wrote:
hey skyfish is I Break Mirrors With My Face In The United States the best song title ever

i love that song so much
i regularly sing the i don't care about real life bit to myself in my head
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 3:10:40 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Sunday 2/25/18 - 2:10:38 AM snarf wrote:
[image]

Oh my god clear your notifications
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 3:15:48 AM EST (GMT-5)
They'll just come back.

I'm going to sleep now for a little bit.

I was called into work because of the storm but it has passed now so I can get about 3 hours sleep before I start my normal day
1 yr ago, 8 mos ago - Sunday 2/25/18 - 3:55:06 AM EST (GMT-5)
I'm still super happy for you and your success in quitting smoking, regardless. Also glad to hear your posting here has motivated you to seek help. Kudos.

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