having another breakdown, drive me insane. But that’s really the problem I’m having again. Is a lack of communication. Not all over the place. I’m talking to my family. I’m... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
Questions
Quizzes
Articles
My Journal
Forums
Quests. | Journs. | Gen. | News | Quiz | Links | TV | Music | Movies | Games | Sports | Sug. | Lit. | Jokes | Artcls. | Newb | O.S.
From the Journal of amaqdrinker | mood: Good

Always the same...

Prev 1 2 3 Next (showing 1-25 of 65)

Back to Thread List
Bottom Last Post

4 days ago - Friday 2/14/20 - 10:21:09 AM EST (GMT-5)
having another breakdown, drive me insane.

But that’s really the problem I’m having again. Is a lack of communication. Not all over the place. I’m talking to my family. I’m talking to people when I go out. There’s many aspects where I’m able to communicate freely in my day to day. But work communication is my primary issue.

That’s what I stress about. That’s what makes me feel like I need to take my prescriptions. It’s the off shift. Is what I tell myself.

But it’s not only the off shift I think. I think it’s also a part of people choosing sides. I think it’s a part of a department that people have started to lose confidence in. I think it’s a part of a labor conversation.

But the part that I can’t not get frustrated about is when I program an inspection method and receive very little feedback.

No news is good news maybe.

4 days ago - Friday 2/14/20 - 10:28:13 AM EST (GMT-5)
I’m going to keep working on it and with it. I got frustrated last night. I think the end result was successful but I think I went the long way about it.

Sometimes I’m fine with it. Other times I go out on a limb or I make an assumption or I try something new, trying to break down that barrier. Begging the question. But often still nothing. Stoney silence.

It helps for me to think about it rationally. Put it down. Break it down.

The real reason I worry so much is I’m afraid of limbs at this point in my career.

Rewind first job. Definite limb. I reached too far in my attempt to “tear down this wall!”.

Got fully invested in the loop of echo chamber inside of a computer and then when my contract ended and no communication or resolution had happened I was floating. Only for a second. I proceeded to land flat on my face.
4 days ago - Friday 2/14/20 - 10:36:33 AM EST (GMT-5)
So I’m cautious or I try to be. But I can’t help but want to fiddle with it. The mechanism of the network. I want to unravel it and lay it out.

I’m just smacking it with a hammer really but you know what song I like and continue to sing from time to time?

This one

So there’s that to fall back on.

Good old plug and chug.

Keep keepin on. Get things done. Be productive. Try and not get too out of sorts. Pace, measure.

It’s Friday. Thank you Friday.

Oh yeah. XOXO #VDAY
4 days ago - Friday 2/14/20 - 11:17:21 AM EST (GMT-5)
I think the confusion and stress is from having that song stuck in your head. CD would even probably agree on this one.
4 days ago - Friday 2/14/20 - 11:19:00 AM EST (GMT-5)
Music can have some pretty negative effects on people...
4 days ago - Friday 2/14/20 - 12:21:10 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Friday 2/14/20 - 11:17:21 AM postallbear wrote:
I think the confusion and stress is from having that song stuck in your head. CD would even probably agree on this one.


Led Zeppelin or Peter Paul and Mary?
4 days ago - Friday 2/14/20 - 2:12:17 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Friday 2/14/20 - 11:19:00 AM CowDung wrote:
Music can have some pretty negative effects on people...


I think you’re putting the cart before the horse to some extent.
4 days ago - Friday 2/14/20 - 2:25:12 PM EST (GMT-5)
The only reason I’ve been listening to music in the mornings is because I opened my laptop to stream a Knicks game this weekend and I just left it open and opened iTunes. The laptop runs great but start up is sometimes convoluted because of my startup apps. Several that I don’t use. All kinds of pop ups and prompts. I could fix it. Or just leave it open. I save my worry for work when I get paid for being a worrier doing quality inspections.
4 days ago - Friday 2/14/20 - 3:48:58 PM EST (GMT-5)
i sang the title to the tune of stars from les mis
3 days ago - Friday 2/14/20 - 11:37:08 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Friday 2/14/20 - 3:48:58 PM mysocks wrote:
i sang the title to the tune of stars from les mis


Why? I haven’t read heard or seen anything Les Mis related. It feels zeitgeisty.
3 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 12:50:46 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Friday 2/14/20 - 3:48:58 PM mysocks wrote:
i sang the title to the tune of stars from les mis
On Friday 2/14/20 - 11:37:08 PM amaqdrinker wrote:
Why? I haven’t read heard or seen anything Les Mis related. It feels zeitgeisty.

do you mean zeitgeisty as in particularly applicable to modern times?
3 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 12:51:59 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Friday 2/14/20 - 3:48:58 PM mysocks wrote:
i sang the title to the tune of stars from les mis
On Friday 2/14/20 - 11:37:08 PM amaqdrinker wrote:
Why? I haven’t read heard or seen anything Les Mis related. It feels zeitgeisty.
On Saturday 2/15/20 - 12:50:46 AM mysocks wrote:
do you mean zeitgeisty as in particularly applicable to modern times?


No as in a spiritual thing of idea and passions that sweeps people into its current.
3 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 12:52:45 AM EST (GMT-5)
Like fascism.
3 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 12:54:30 AM EST (GMT-5)
I tried reading Concerning the Spiritual in Art by Kandinsky but it scared me because it felt like fascism.
3 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 1:14:44 AM EST (GMT-5)
les mis is certainly not fascism
3 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 1:22:52 AM EST (GMT-5)
But the mass society identification that people see it as. That’s the kind of stuff that worries me.
3 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 3:52:21 PM EST (GMT-5)
So the other news is I have to go to church on Sunday. Which I haven’t been doing because of my schedule.

But the pastor who is stationed there through a nonprofit. Who’s sermons I’ve taken a lot of strength and comfort from. He’s leaving for another church.

He was not finding his calling. It’s a secular area. A lot of elderly people in the church. Little room for growth and expansion.

So I have to go. My mom’s going to call me. To wake me up. My aunt said she would do the same.

But I feel conviction at church. Heavily. I try and bring worry stress and guilt and experience and let go of those emotions while listening to a sermon. I try and feel exposed. So I’m a little worried because I haven’t gone in a few months at least. I think the last time was with my grandfather before he passed.

But yeah. Must go. Slept late though. Doe see doe.
2 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 7:22:24 PM EST (GMT-5)
This journal is very much how I feel.

The net is not entirely positive.

My apologies.
2 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 8:05:07 PM EST (GMT-5)
Okay my journal.

Prompted by skyfish. Read or don’t read.


I’m frustrated. I really am not a stupid guy. I didn’t drink any more than a lot of my peers. I wasn’t a heavy drug user. I was in the midst of a difficult junior year at a highly rated polytechnic school. I was struggling with a lot of things personally. I have underlying issues. I know this. It’s probably genetic. But anyway. Over stressed I started posting here. In journals and half baked creative writing. Then a childhood friend overdosed on heroin. And my life got very dark for quite a while. That’s me here. Hi. That’s what I was doing here and that’s the theme. I’m not here for a spiritual awakening. I’m currently talking about how that major setback has significantly changed the course of my career. So it’s about my struggles. And it’s not light and poppy.

Don’t read it if you don’t want to.
2 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 8:07:30 PM EST (GMT-5)
It's a bit late to tell people not to read it fi they don't want to.

I appreciate your sharing.
2 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 8:12:27 PM EST (GMT-5)
Did you ever get evaluated for autism?
2 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 8:15:45 PM EST (GMT-5)
Why would you ask that?
2 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 8:16:55 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 2/15/20 - 8:07:30 PM CowDung wrote:
It's a bit late to tell people not to read it fi they don't want to. I appreciate your sharing.


For future consideration.

I will probably vent frustration here again if they don’t ban me.
2 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 8:17:34 PM EST (GMT-5)
Curiosity, honestly.

People talk on here about the sometimes odd way you have of partcipating in conversations with others and I wondered if there's a reason for it. Neurodivergent stuff.
2 days ago - Saturday 2/15/20 - 8:19:23 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 2/15/20 - 8:17:34 PM mousepelled wrote:
Curiosity, honestly. People talk on here about the sometimes odd way you have of partcipating in conversations with others and I wondered if there's a reason for it. Neurodivergent stuff.


I think that’s a blanket concept and shows a lack of understanding concerning psychology.

I’ve been evaluated by psychologists. I have manic depressive tendencies and a generalized anxiety that I’m taking medication for.

Prev 1 2 3 Next (showing 1-25 of 65)



You need to be logged in to post a reply

New to YT? Create a Free Account ~ Have an Account? Log In

Back to Thread List
Top

 
Edit