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From the Journal of Spoonerism | mood: Good

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3 months ago - Sunday 12/15/19 - 6:25:31 AM EST (GMT-5)
God is
I wish I could
When I was five I wanted
My greatest fear is
I hate everything about
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without
Something I will never try again is
My autobiography will be called
3 months ago - Sunday 12/15/19 - 10:32:45 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Sunday 12/15/19 - 6:25:31 AM Spoonerism wrote:

God is - ¯\_(?)_/¯
I wish I could - focus
When I was five I wanted - an NES!
My greatest fear is - dying
I hate everything about - Maruchan ramen
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without - ham! With brown sugar and pineapple rings
Something I will never try again is - avoiding problems in hopes that they disappear
My autobiography will be called - I'm Sorry You're Reading This

3 months ago - Sunday 12/15/19 - 12:30:49 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Sunday 12/15/19 - 6:25:31 AM Spoonerism wrote:
God is a huge scam created to control people - especially women.
I wish I could eat/drink as much as I want without exercising and stay fit.
When I was five I wanted to live in Candy Land
My greatest fear is needles
I hate everything about loud/trendy restaurants.
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without stuffing
Something I will never try again is spending the weekend in a cottage with a bunch of my colleagues. The f*ck was I thinking.
My autobiography will be called How to Succeed With the Least Amount of Effort.

3 months ago - Sunday 12/15/19 - 12:54:54 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Sunday 12/15/19 - 6:25:31 AM Spoonerism wrote:
God is Sovereign
I wish I could help.
When I was five I wanted to be a mad scientist
My greatest fear is intimacy
I hate everything about politics.
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without my aunt’s shrimp taco salad.
Something I will never try again is forcible massage.
My autobiography will be called Moby Dickhead

3 months ago - Sunday 12/15/19 - 1:14:56 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Sunday 12/15/19 - 6:25:31 AM Spoonerism wrote:
God is omnipotent and omnipresent. I wish I could fix everything I’ve broken over the years. When I was five I wanted a dog. My greatest fear is being unsuccessful in life. I hate everything about hypocrites. Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without lil’ smokies wrapped in bacon and brown sugar. Something I will never try again...going for a bachelor’s in counseling. I couldn’t even handle my idiot classmates. My autobiography will be called “The Man With an IQ of -50.”

3 months ago - Sunday 12/15/19 - 1:25:35 PM EST (GMT-5)
God is - - Nothing.
I wish I could - - stop working and travel the world without going into massive debt.
When I was five I wanted - - idk? I don't remember being five.
My greatest fear is - - being unable to care for myself.
I hate everything about - - Property rights and landlords.
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without - - white fish chowder.
Something I will never try again is - - Not dealing head on with family who think they can walk all over you because you aren't physically present.
My autobiography will be called - - Eden Occupied®
3 months ago - Sunday 12/15/19 - 2:39:29 PM EST (GMT-5)
God is amazing

I wish I could draw

When I was five I wanted to be a doctor

My greatest fear is losing my family

I hate everything about politics

Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without my family

Something I will never try again is buttermilk ranch dressing

My autobiography will be called The Most Boring Story
3 months ago - Sunday 12/15/19 - 7:12:17 PM EST (GMT-5)
God is watching us.
I wish I could do math, algebra, and physics.
When I was five I wanted a pony. (Some things never change)
My greatest fear is one of my children getting cancer or dying.
I hate everything about smoking.
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without a variety of delicious desserts, candies, fudge, etc.
Something I will never try again is canned Oriental rice
My autobiography will be called Better Late Than Never. (Because I got started having children late and also got started on a career late)
3 months ago - Monday 12/16/19 - 1:21:57 AM EST (GMT-5)
God is whatever you say is, if he wasn't then why would he say he is?
I wish I could find a verse with some better words
When I was five I wanted candy, probably?
My greatest fear is uhhhh? balconies in old theaters give me the heebie jeebies. Or do you mean like climate change, global water shortages, mass migrations, war, etc?
I hate everything about this pimple on my check. It hurts so bad :(
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without Christmas eve. I don't do christmas? Like my mom and I usually go to the movies but xmas eve is open house for friends and the good day
Something I will never try again is ...bro i make a ton of stupid choices and just because it was terrible last time by no means guarantees i won't try again.
My autobiography will be called For Real Though
3 months ago - Monday 12/16/19 - 2:45:12 AM EST (GMT-5)
God is a maybe.
I wish I could sleep for twelve hours straight.
When I was five I wanted to be a weatherman.
My greatest fear is profound grief/losing those I love.
I hate everything about being ill.
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without gravy.
Something I will never try again is frog legs.
My autobiography will be called A Tale of Three Sheenas.
3 months ago - Monday 12/16/19 - 5:02:02 AM EST (GMT-5)
God is evertyhing and nothing
I wish I could stop eating so many carbs
When I was five I wanted to be a vet
My greatest fear is losing my parents
I hate everything about my morning alarm
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without sprouts
Something I will never try again is olives
My autobiography will be called 'How to be the Purfect Crazy Cat Lady'
3 months ago - Monday 12/16/19 - 7:10:18 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Monday 12/16/19 - 2:45:12 AM Spoonerism wrote:
I wish I could sleep for twelve hours straight.


Oooh good one!
3 months ago - Monday 12/23/19 - 7:45:48 PM EST (GMT-5)
God is whatever you need. Take it for yourself or leave some for others.

I wish I could stay motivated.

When I was five I wanted to read aaallllll day.

My greatest fear is that I am unloveable.

Christmas dinner wouldn’t be complete without idk - been too long.

Something I will never try again is dying my hair dark. Dumb move.

My autobiography will be called “She Was Pretty Before She Opened Her Mouth” (which is a direct quote from someone’s first impression of me.)
3 months ago - Wednesday 12/25/19 - 5:12:28 AM EST (GMT-5)
God is........most kind, most merciful.
I wish I could........teleport
When I was five I wanted.......all the junk food. And I still do.
My greatest fear is......butterflies/moths/being tied up/losing family.
I hate everything about.....Robert Pattinson.
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without....family drama.
My autobiography will be called.....Silent But Deadly.
1 month ago - Monday 2/10/20 - 6:23:42 PM EST (GMT-5)
God isn’t
I wish I could.
When I was five I wanted naps; I still do
My greatest fear is not being
I hate everything about Anatidaephobia
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without family
Something I will never try again is being in my 20s
My autobiography will be called “”
1 month ago - Tuesday 2/11/20 - 4:25:33 AM EST (GMT-5)
God is nothing
I wish I could retire
When I was five I wanted to be an african tribeswoman so I didn't have to wear a top when I grew up
My greatest fear is ....I'm not sure I really have one..the world is going to hell, but I'll probably be dead by then so I dunno..
I hate everything about most people
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without ham
Something I will never try again is reading Dante's Inferno..so hard to understand..
My autobiography will be called " Don't Bother.."
1 month ago - Tuesday 2/11/20 - 3:05:40 PM EST (GMT-5)
Energy
End that bitch (sorry. It’s my only desire)
Idk. A candy bar?
That this is it.
That no one minds their own business anymore.
Dating.
Something pretentious and eye catching.
1 month ago - Wednesday 2/12/20 - 11:40:54 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Sunday 12/15/19 - 6:25:31 AM Spoonerism wrote:

God is complicated
I wish I could be more social
When I was five I wanted.. i can't remember
My greatest fear is losing people
I hate everything about politics
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without family
Something I will never try again is.. never is a strong word
My autobiography will be called Well, I Tried.

1 month ago - Wednesday 2/12/20 - 1:00:01 PM EST (GMT-5)
God is helpful
I wish I could die
When I was five I wanted nothing
My greatest fear is death
I hate everything about my life
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without me being alone
Something I will never try again is suicide
My autobiography will be called
1 month ago - Wednesday 2/12/20 - 1:00:41 PM EST (GMT-5)
My autobiography will be called
I lived then died
1 month ago - Wednesday 2/12/20 - 1:55:24 PM EST (GMT-5)
God is dangerous
I wish I could understand more
When I was five I wanted to be older
My greatest fear is getting arrested even though i deserve it
I hate everything about capitalism
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without my family making me feel like poo
Something I will never try again is speedballing
My autobiography will be called How to Sell My Soul and Other Burning Questions
1 month ago - Wednesday 2/12/20 - 7:50:00 PM EST (GMT-5)
God is great. It's just his cheerleaders who are assholes.

I wish I could spend more time daydreaming

When I was five I wanted nothing much. I was happy that the neighbors dog would walk me home from school.

My greatest fear is losing my mind

I hate everything about current political climate

Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without pumpkin pie afterwards

Something I will never try again is dating a coworker.

My autobiography will be called "post office" oh wait, Charles Bukowski already did that one. How about "sixes, eights and nines"
1 month ago - Wednesday 2/12/20 - 9:46:52 PM EST (GMT-5)
God is a wishful thought
I wish I could be and my best mentally
When I was five I wanted to live in a safe household
My greatest fear is staying broken
I hate everything about nothing
Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without political fights
Something I will never try again is not in my vocabulary
My autobiography will be called Untitled
1 month ago - Wednesday 2/12/20 - 9:51:27 PM EST (GMT-5)
God is asleep at the wheel, if we’re being generous.

I wish I could time travel.

When I was five I wanted to be a garbage man?

My greatest fear is to real to post.

I hate everything about climate change.

Christmas dinner wouldn't be complete without wild rice.

Something I will never try again is psychedelics. I mean probably not.

My autobiography will be called out as a forgery.
1 month ago - Thursday 2/13/20 - 12:08:39 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Wednesday 2/12/20 - 9:51:27 PM catchall wrote:
God is asleep at the wheel, if we’re being generous.


Congratulations on the most offensive militant atheist statement in the thread.

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