I had to go somewhere, to talk to somewhere. I don`t know if this is the place to go to, or some other forum, but, I`m going to need some... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of getbent3 | mood: Depressed

I don`t even know where to begin, but I have to start somewhere

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20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 2:48:56 AM EST (GMT-5)
I had to go somewhere, to talk to somewhere. I don't know if this is the place to go to, or some other forum, but, I'm going to need some honest responses here.

I had been dating my now ex (I guess) for about a year. He lives in California, and I currently in Illinois until I move to California for work next Spring. Either way, long distance relationships are hard as hell, but we were alright. We haven't been the best the last couple of months, starting with a huge blowout in Greece together in July. Since then, I had noticed that he'd been treating me different. I wasn't as important as before, and never came to see me. Only coming to Chicago twice. Once for two days, another for literally y'all, one day. But we kept it going, because, and I still do believe, we really love each other. Well, poo hit the FAN!
Cont...

20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 2:52:15 AM EST (GMT-5)
So, as I said, the last couple of months have been off and on for us He is leaving in about a day or two, to head out to the Phillipines for work. Not only will I miss his birthday on the 25th of Nov, but we cant spend our Thanksgiving or Christmas together-I planned to be there for xmas, before he had learned he had to leave. During his stay there, he has a week off, and its kind of pointless to fly back to the states. Long story short, he asked me to go, I said I wasnt sure, so he asked his best friend, who is a girl, to go with and shes going. Now, when we went to Greece together I was fresh off the heels of my sister and fathers deaths( they died seven months apart. One in Nov, my dad the month before in June) So I wasnt one hundred percent sure travelling that far was good to me. I have been incredibly depressed since my dad died because we werent on the best terms.
Cont again
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 2:56:11 AM EST (GMT-5)
He begged me daily to go. Daily. And about three weeks before we decided to leave, I said fiiiine okaaaay ill gooooo. So, we go. The only condition was we flew together because I was not about to be in that state alone ona plane for hours. So, naturally, I flew to LA. The trip was strained, and I admit due to me because my head was not in the game. So back to now. I had asked him a couple weeks ago why he didnt grill me for this trip when it wasnt a flat out no like it was for greece. Hes like well you said you didnt want to fly alone so blah blah blah. Either way, homie moved on quick. And yes, it does bother me that its a girl. I tried to let that die, and i pretty much did. But to be honest, as much as he pulled away since Greece, I started to as well. I was checking my phone every five minutes, and trying to keep myself busy so I didnt seem thirsty

Last cont..I hope
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 2:59:51 AM EST (GMT-5)
Cut to last Thurs, the 14th. I fly out to see him for the weekend before he goes on his trip for work. We are fine, a little weird, but fine. Thursday and Friday are our days. We hang out together Thursday with his best friend and his girlfriend, then Friday we have dinner with his family and aunts and cousins and it was a good time. Sat, we and some of his friends(including the girl he invited out) are at a baby shower, then we head to Joshua tree for the night. Well, he was being weird at the baby shower because is ex from like ten years ago is there and he lets go of my hand and kinda keeps a distance to me. Yup. Then, the girl thats a friend gives me details about his trip, and she may be possibly going on tour with him and the group he works for which has me BUG-GIN because he NEVER told me any details. So im salty. Not mad, but salty. I would be fine.'

Shoot, okay last cont
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 3:02:57 AM EST (GMT-5)
Later that night at Joshua Tree, everyone has gone to bed so its just me, his best friend and girlfriend up. I talk to them about how hes been and they reassure me hes like that with everyone. It just happens. He can just be standoffish. I chill, go lie down. Hes awake and asks me what we talk about and I lie because he can be easily triggered. Next day, I am HUNGTFOVER and am very quiet and laid back. We all leave the airbnb, and everyone is like oh no she has a tude, but doesnt say anything to me. Cut to us driving home, we get into it because I ask him about the girl and why he was so mum on details, He said because I didnt ask..ok. So, I say to him ' I feel like Im not even your gf' and his reply? 'Fine, then dont be' and I lose it. And punch him right in the face. While hes driving down the highway. I break a nail, my fist was so tight.

Omg cont home stretch
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 3:08:07 AM EST (GMT-5)
He, of course, is upset, and screaming at me and grabs my shirt. He says some nasty things, also warranted, and tells me Im a drating bitch. He says he couldnt wait to break up with me, and is glad I did what I did. I ask him why did he stay with me and put me through so much and he says because it was fun for him and he needed something to do. I want to with all my heart think that he was just angry because I gave him a two piece and a biscuit, but I dont know. This was the WORST fight we've ever had. And I have never hit anyone before him, It felt like an outer body experience. I have been seeking help for grieving and my temper(I like to yell) and in the last couple months bit my tongue until it bled to appease him and not stir up trouble. I dont know what to do. Clearly, I dont think we're together. Its only been a day, and we've emailed once since then.

I am a piece of sh*t
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 3:59:26 AM EST (GMT-5)
Dude sounds like a superturd, good riddance

You can and should feel bad about punching him but you absolutely cant look at it like you losing it magically excuses all his previous bullsh*t. Hes probably gonna try and play it that way but its just another layer of manipulation, punch him again if he tries it. I mean honestly theres way better out there itd be best not to deal with the dude no more period but relationships is weird. Have fun!
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 8:43:41 AM EST (GMT-5)
Who E-mailed who and what was the tone of said E-mail?

It all just sounds like too many negatives, though. You are going to be miserable while he is away, with that chick.

I'd take this time away from him as a break...you are single. Maybe you will meet someone that will make you happier? Maybe you will find happiness on your own? Maybe the two of you will reunite when you move there and things will be different? Who knows? But for now it doesn't sound good, you seem unhappy and you deserve better.
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 9:50:41 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Tuesday 11/19/19 - 3:59:26 AM HylianNinja wrote:
Dude sounds like a superturd, good riddance You can and should feel bad about punching him but you absolutely cant look at it like you losing it magically excuses all his previous bullsh*t. Hes probably gonna try and play it that way but its just another layer of manipulation, punch him again if he tries it. I mean honestly theres way better out there itd be best not to deal with the dude no more period but relationships is weird. Have fun!


He was incredibly manipulative, thats for sure. But youre right. It may be that its fresh is why Im finding it hard and Im sad about it.
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 9:54:46 AM EST (GMT-5)
Damsel:

I emailed him on my flight home to apologize for punching him He emailed me back and seemed to not be angry We're talking about each other past tense, so Im guessing its over. there have been about four emails in total The last one, he told me that Greece was the catalyst as to why he felt he treated me different and i told him I thought that was bullsh*t. Knowing good and damn well I didn't even want to go and the reasons why and that its unfair to use that against me.
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 11:52:49 AM EST (GMT-5)
Hey, I'm really sorry to hear that you've been going through so much lately. The death of two loved ones and a tumultuous relationship in a year would be enough to set anyone over the edge. I know you've acknowledge that the physical violence was wrong and out of character for you, so I'm not going to harp on that aspect of it. I'm glad to hear that you're getting therapy and support, and I hope you continue to do so.

As for the relationship with this guy...honestly, it sounds like a very unhealthy relationship and it's probably for the best if you two go your separate ways. It seems like he was too immature to end your relationship in the proper, honest way, so he continued to distance himself and play mind games until you were basically forced to initiate the break up.
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 11:53:53 AM EST (GMT-5)
When you confronted him about not feeling like his girlfriend (for very valid reasons) and he said "then don't be," that made his intentions to drive you away pretty clear. It's a very bullsh*t way to break up with someone, especially when you know that your partner is grieving.

I know this is painful right now and that pain is completely valid, but seriously? I think you dodged a bullet in the long run. If he's pulling this crap just a year into the relationship, who knows what would've been in store for you if you stayed with him for multiple years. You deserve better and now you have the opportunity to find it.
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 12:04:08 PM EST (GMT-5)
Cut off his dick
Then slice open his neck
But on the other side probably just imagine all that
It always make me feel better
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 1:22:27 PM EST (GMT-5)
Don't get back together with this guy, period.

He's not good for you/you're not good for each other.

I slapped a guy I was dating upside the head once (not sorry) and that relationship wasn't a good one, either.
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 2:19:28 PM EST (GMT-5)
I’m not in position to give advice on relationships, but I hope whatever you choose to do will bring you serenity and peace of mind.
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 2:46:38 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Tuesday 11/19/19 - 11:53:53 AM BlackBird77 wrote:
When you confronted him about not feeling like his girlfriend (for very valid reasons) and he said "then don't be," that made his intentions to drive you away pretty clear. It's a very bullsh*t way to break up with someone, especially when you know that your partner is grieving. I know this is painful right now and that pain is completely valid, but seriously? I think you dodged a bullet in the long run. If he's pulling this crap just a year into the relationship, who knows what would've been in store for you if you stayed with him for multiple years. You deserve better and now you have the opportunity to find it.


Yes, exactly. It seems to me that everything that he said in the car was purposefully said to provoke me to ending things. I had thought I was going crazy at first.
20 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 3:38:14 PM EST (GMT-5)
^I think your intuition was spot on. A mature, fully-formed adult would never act that way.

We haven't interacted much on here, but I've always thought that you were cool and I know you can find someone to match your level of coolness. It just wasn't in the cards with this guy. It's not your fault- - some people know how to put on a good front at the beginning of relationships. Now you know exactly who he is: someone who would rather play mind games and string you along than do the decent thing and respectfully break things off.

You will look back on this and be grateful that it's over, I'm sure of it. Just keep doing you and focusing on your well-being and happiness.

(And my PMs are always open if you want someone to talk to, btw!)
19 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 11:04:46 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Tuesday 11/19/19 - 11:52:49 AM BlackBird77 wrote:
As for the relationship with this guy...honestly, it sounds like a very unhealthy relationship and it's probably for the best if you two go your separate ways. It seems like he was too immature to end your relationship in the proper, honest way, so he continued to distance himself and play mind games until you were basically forced to initiate the break up.

This.
19 days ago - Tuesday 11/19/19 - 11:09:53 PM EST (GMT-5)
Oh, and have no fear. He will show the same manipulation and lack of maturity to the other young lady while with her in the Philippines. Beginning with "poor me. She punched me and broke up with me.. blah, blah, blah"



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