I`m the kind of person who doesn`t have tons of close friends. Usually one or two really close friends and that`s it. Also among my wider friend circle, they`re not... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of Spoonerism | mood: Good

My friend ship sailed away

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1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 2:40:57 AM EST (GMT-5)
I'm the kind of person who doesn't have tons of close friends. Usually one or two really close friends and that's it. Also among my wider friend circle, they're not usually all part of one big friend group.

I think I'm kind of selective but not snobby. It's just that my personality isn't one of those that instaclicks with everyone. My husband is like that. He can make friends with literally everybody. But he hates people.

Anyway, I was on Facebook and looking at a party from one of my old very close friends, Laura. We were best friends for a year or so before our parents had a falling out, causing difficulty in maintaining the friendship.

It made me wonder, what Impression do these people have of me who knew me quite well for a snapshot into a tiny window of my life.

It's not just Laura. There are several friendships lasting perhaps two years.

1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 2:41:57 AM EST (GMT-5)
Do you make friends easily?

Even now I have acquaintances, close acquaintances, and maybe one friend in addition to my husband.
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 3:19:20 AM EST (GMT-5)
We've discussed this before, but I'm oddly personable, but I'm just not big on hanging out. I've got a few good close friends and I'm good with having the ones I've got. I don't need any more, probably
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 4:55:47 AM EST (GMT-5)
I can usually find common ground with almost anyone, but I am not a fan of people, tbh.
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 10:33:06 AM EST (GMT-5)
I get along with most people and have lots of acquaintances, but only a few close friends. I often wonder what is the barrier that stops me from making closer friends. I’m not sure. I think maybe I come off as standoffish?
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 11:22:14 AM EST (GMT-5)
Just my boyfriend.

Used to have close friends but the thing is that they need to make 90% of the effort to get together with me because I won't bother with contacting them. Partly extreme introversion and partly insecurity on whether anyone actually likes me.

Otherwise, I have bar friends that I talk to regularly when I go out, but don't call or text for other things.

And a few courtesy birthday and holiday get togethers with my old friend group a few times a year.

And you guys.
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 11:28:44 AM EST (GMT-5)
I was thinking about this in a way when I went shopping at Target yesterday.

Everywhere in the store were either groups of two women browsing and chatting or a lone person browsing and also talking on the phone with someone else.

And I kept thinking, "ew. Why would anyone want to shop with a friend? So inefficient."

But I know that's not normal.

(Also feel the same way about doing lunch or spa treatments or basically anything. I do like drinking with people- - - my brain likes talking to a friend with alcohol, otherwise ai usually find other human hangouts insufferably dull)
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 11:29:42 AM EST (GMT-5)
I like shopping alone.
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 11:33:42 AM EST (GMT-5)
Having friends was so much easier earlier in life. This is another aspect of adulthood I wasn't prepared for. Especially not having kids, I don't have anything in common with anyone.
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 11:36:34 AM EST (GMT-5)
My MO was usually having one outgoing, popular friend and then having access to the group they cultivated.

I'm kind of like a remora on a shark friend.
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 11:37:01 AM EST (GMT-5)
That is a good strategy!
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 11:40:21 AM EST (GMT-5)
Yeah, it worked out well for decades.

I'm down to the one now and he doesn't like to have friends (even though everyone he meets adores him).

It's all cool with me. I get just enough people time with my bar friend chats to keep me satisfied.
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 11:55:22 AM EST (GMT-5)
Being an introvert makes it much harder to maintain friends, in my experience.
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 9:28:26 PM EST (GMT-5)
As an adult I have not had real friendships. The closest was being friends with two co-workers. We used to go out to dinner and to the movies. One of them got fired and had to get a new job and you know how that goes...conflicting schedules, etc. The other didn't like being a third wheel when my husband came into the picture so that ended as well.

I tried to be friends with people at the barn where I boarded my horses. That was horrific. I got betrayed and stabbed in the back really badly and ever since then I don't really care if I ever have another friend again. I am perfectly content to have just my husband and my kids, and my mom and sister in my life.

I am friendly with others. Here where I live it is very easy to make conversation with strangers. They often start the conversation and I will go with it. But at the end it is goodbye, and you probably never see that
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 9:31:02 PM EST (GMT-5)
person again.

Also I don't think I have room in my life for any friend. I don't desire to go out places with anyone other than my husband and my children. When would I make time for someone else?

I do sometimes want just to talk...get outside advice on things. And for that I don't really need a "friend"...like I will ask advice somewhere like this site even.

I probably have a very unhealthy outlook on it all but that is just the way it is and I am happy with it.
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 10:09:10 PM EST (GMT-5)
I have one friend who I see multiple time a week. I think I’m very much introverted in most scenarios but she’s like furniture. Her being at my house is the same as her not being there except I make two cups of tea instead of one.

Then I have two friends that I see monthlyish.

Then there’s another two who I see roughly once a year. I adore these ones.

Then there’s my old Horticulture family who I also adore and consider friends but never see in person anymore.

Then there’s my work mates who are great but don’t hang out with outside of work alothough there’s a couple who have potential and I think they would also like to hang out but it’s a weird barrier to break.

Then there’s the basketball team who I just play basketball with. They’re cool

And my mum is also my friend.

And bailey the dog is my best friend.
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 10:11:24 PM EST (GMT-5)
What about a mom/play group? Chat and advice and kids get to play.
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 10:16:36 PM EST (GMT-5)
I would be into doing a mom and play group but probably would not make any "best friends" outside of the play group. I just don't put in the effort. My husband tells me I should try to exchange numbers with other women when our kids play together and see if they want to meet up for other play groups and I just have no interest. Although it is probably better to do it for my kids.
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 10:22:56 PM EST (GMT-5)
Oh but the actual question was do you make friends easily and the answer is no. I make jolly acquaintances easily but friendship takes like 6 years to form with me and most people probably give up before then and float off but once you’re my friend the chances of anything breaking that are slim to none
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 10:33:32 PM EST (GMT-5)
I don't make friends easily at all. I have 2 super close friends that I made when I was 19ish, and I'm just lucky that they've stuck with me. And I have one friend that is 3 years older than me and sorta adopted me at school when I was 15.
I have acquaintances, but no-one that I'd text first or initiate chat with. Just people I talk with when we find ourselves together
1 month ago - Sunday 9/22/19 - 10:35:49 PM EST (GMT-5)
I know people and people know me.

I don’t socialize casually often.

I probably don’t actually have any friends.
1 month ago - Monday 9/23/19 - 12:23:40 AM EST (GMT-5)
Closest current friends are work friends from 1-4 years ago & college friend from 7 yrs ago, (2nd college friend of 8yrs and I ended up dating but broke up and it indeed ruined everything.) Keeping in touch = getting coffee with the girls or writing long "checking in" fb messages to college friend who lives in Singapore. Events and parties are for acquaintances. Hanging out is usually just boyfriend.

Best girlfriends from highschool and teaching (10 and 6 yrs) are far away, but I'm thinking about reconnecting.

Sometimes friendship just feels to me like moments of closeness strung together by distance and effort, with me struggling to shorten the time in between moments.
1 month ago - Monday 9/23/19 - 12:35:27 AM EST (GMT-5)
I was surprised to make a new friend this summer. Escaped work to the same restaurant where she was having lunch and asked if she minded if I joined her. That was in June and this month she & boyfriend accompanied me to get my ears pierced

But it also holds up that especially at the start I would text her to see if she wanted to have lunch during the week

I have made a few friends in the past 3 years I'd say, but it hasn't necessarily been easy in that they've all involved that sort of courtship. Send dates for lunch, cancel some, have some cancelled on you, share about your life, offer each other advice, offer snacks, eventually maybe tipsily tell them you're in friend-love
1 month ago - Monday 9/23/19 - 1:01:07 AM EST (GMT-5)
Thinking about my closest friends
-Bff It’s funny I don’t talk to her nearly as often as we used to. can go months without seeing her, but we’re still close.
-Starbucks friend. very moody and will say I never see her bcI’m too busy, but I see her most of all
-my “little sister” who was in my wedding party. I haven’t seen her in ages but she has friends her own age
-work friend who just moved away but we just took our 2nd annual girls trip
-work friend who just came back from Mat leave and whose baby I am “auntie” to. first work friend that really crossed over into friend friend
-work friend that I collaborate with but haven’t quite made into a friend friend. I was hurt this summer that she didn’t make more of an effort
-two teaching school friends that I’ve been drifting apart from, I should try to reconnect

I feel alone a lot. It’s not like when I was younger snd felt so connected
1 month ago - Monday 9/23/19 - 1:16:24 AM EST (GMT-5)
I was im a mum's group from before Evan arrived but didn't feel like I fit in with the other ladies there and didn't really connect with any of them.

What's also funny about me wrt friendships is sometimes I'll instantly like somebody and make a lot of effort. Conversely, rarely, sometimes I'll instantly dislike someone as well.

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