hey i`m engaged? thats weird right we went to Tahoe for a weekend. cabin overlooking the lake. got down on one knee and everything i`m doing well with my medicine... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of Dirt_ | mood: Good

Drake and Josh how we team your bitch.

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16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:26:54 AM EST (GMT-5)
hey i'm engaged? thats weird right

we went to Tahoe for a weekend. cabin overlooking the lake. got down on one knee and everything

i'm doing well with my medicine and mental state. i'm trying to be...positive? i'm actually trying lol

being suicidal has made me so bad at basic adult things because it was just this constant mindset of "oh don't worry about that you'll be dead in a couple of years" but nope here i am. so i'm trying to tune that voice out and get things done

i have a dentist appointment. i made one voluntarily. i am TRYING

next year i'll marry my best friend and i'm gonna be 30 one day and i'm going to have DEAL WITH IT

although my anxiety has been going crazy and i can't stop thinking about my own mortality and i keep having paralyzing thoughts about the future. but hey, baby steps

i don't think i'll be on here much tho. not much left for me

amaq sucks

sup?

16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:28:15 AM EST (GMT-5)
also i guess ama? if you want?

i'm feeling pretty bored at work

POSITIVE KRM THOUGH
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:30:35 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:26:54 AM Dirt_ wrote:
although my anxiety has been going crazy and i can't stop thinking about my own mortality and i keep having paralyzing thoughts about the future.

Doesn't the human brain suck? Sometimes I wish I could lobotomize myself.
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:32:27 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:26:54 AM Dirt_ wrote:
although my anxiety has been going crazy and i can't stop thinking about my own mortality and i keep having paralyzing thoughts about the future.
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:30:35 AM CuckingFunt wrote:
Doesn't the human brain suck? Sometimes I wish I could lobotomize myself.

yea it's like part of me is actively fighting my attempts to keep my dumb ass happy and alive

and it's not even really a *fear* of the future. i can't describe it. i just starting thinking about 20, 30, 40 years from now and it just...i don't know. i get lost in it and it sort of freaks me out

also i saw your quote fail you old turd
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:47:28 AM EST (GMT-5)
I totally relate to the thinking about your own mortality thing.
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:49:52 AM EST (GMT-5)
Go earthquake yourself into an ocean already, why don’t you.
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:51:12 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:47:28 AM Rag_Doll_ wrote:
I totally relate to the thinking about your own mortality thing.

yeah now that i'm actively wanting to be here and wanting a long future i'm suddenly so aware of how FRAGILE it all is
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:54:49 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:49:52 AM Wolf_In_Jar wrote:
Go earthquake yourself into an ocean already, why don’t you.

everything about you is so tiring. you're just this boring, pedantic try-hard desperately seeking attention and you think you can do it by being 'aloof' or 'weird'. you spam this site nonstop and yet, despite this flood of posts, i never find anything of value. it's either inane, stupid, or creepy

you're like Diet Electric. at least he had a f-cking personality. you're all of his mental illness with none of the showmanship

f-ck off
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:56:56 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:47:28 AM Rag_Doll_ wrote:
I totally relate to the thinking about your own mortality thing.

This sometimes (oftentimes) will keep me up at night and then I can't sleep and it's awful.

But this is all about celebration, and I will sing for you at your wedding, sir. Congratulations!
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:58:07 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:47:28 AM Rag_Doll_ wrote:
I totally relate to the thinking about your own mortality thing.
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:56:56 AM cpayne wrote:
This sometimes (oftentimes) will keep me up at night and then I can't sleep and it's awful. But this is all about celebration, and I will sing for you at your wedding, sir. Congratulations!

yea i had a lowkey panic attack in bed last night thinking about it

but i'm getting better at handling it
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:59:17 AM EST (GMT-5)
wait also thank u lol
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:59:40 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:47:28 AM Rag_Doll_ wrote:
I totally relate to the thinking about your own mortality thing.
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:56:56 AM cpayne wrote:
This sometimes (oftentimes) will keep me up at night and then I can't sleep and it's awful. But this is all about celebration, and I will sing for you at your wedding, sir. Congratulations!
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:58:07 AM Dirt_ wrote:
yea i had a lowkey panic attack in bed last night thinking about it but i'm getting better at handling it


YES

Why is this always the place and time to think about one's mortality?!
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:00:04 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:49:52 AM Wolf_In_Jar wrote:
Go earthquake yourself into an ocean already, why don’t you.
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:54:49 AM Dirt_ wrote:
everything about you is so tiring. you're just this boring, pedantic try-hard desperately seeking attention and you think you can do it by being 'aloof' or 'weird'. you spam this site nonstop and yet, despite this flood of posts, i never find anything of value. it's either inane, stupid, or creepy you're like Diet Electric. at least he had a f-cking personality. you're all of his mental illness with none of the showmanship f-ck off


You still don’t have a real job, do you?
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:00:56 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:54:49 AM Dirt_ wrote:
you're all of his mental illness with none of the showmanship f-ck off

We're both cracking up at this
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:01:08 AM EST (GMT-5)
Sarcastically a mall cop or something, right?

I think you can f*ck off as well.
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:01:24 AM EST (GMT-5)
my worst anxiety/depression attacks are always when i'm alone with my thoughts. when you're in bed it's just you and darkness and your mind
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:02:08 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 1:54:49 AM Dirt_ wrote:
you're all of his mental illness with none of the showmanship f-ck off
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:00:56 AM CuckingFunt wrote:
We're both cracking up at this


Im not actually mentally ill.
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:02:33 AM EST (GMT-5)
I do this thing where I'll remember something from the past. Let's say it was 20 years ago. Doesn't seem THAT long ago.

Then I look forward the same amount of time. Again, let's say it's 20 years. And I'll think of how old I'll be.

I routinely freak myself out with this.
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:02:56 AM EST (GMT-5)
For me it's usually the odd thought on a good day, "if I died right now that'd be okay," then I think of what my last moments alive would be. Then I snap out of it and remind myself and the universe that it was a lie.

Congrats again BTW on the engagement.
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:03:27 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:01:24 AM Dirt_ wrote:
my worst anxiety/depression attacks are always when i'm alone with my thoughts. when you're in bed it's just you and darkness and your mind


Have you ever thought how social context is no context at all? You probably haven’t and that’s probably why you’re a hack.
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:03:59 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:01:08 AM Wolf_In_Jar wrote:
Sarcastically a mall cop or something, right? I think you can f*ck off as well.

catty doesn't suit you. you're not BSR or bgraham. you don't got the teeth. i said my piece about you and you're just going to reinforce everything i said when you continue to post more drivel over the years until you do us a favor and take another hiatus

thank you, next
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:05:11 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:02:33 AM CuckingFunt wrote:
I do this thing where I'll remember something from the past. Let's say it was 20 years ago. Doesn't seem THAT long ago. Then I look forward the same amount of time. Again, let's say it's 20 years. And I'll think of how old I'll be. I routinely freak myself out with this.

i keep imagining myself gray and wrinkled and it weirds me out. its like the first time i've ever really considered it
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:05:29 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:01:08 AM Wolf_In_Jar wrote:
Sarcastically a mall cop or something, right? I think you can f*ck off as well.
On Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:03:59 AM Dirt_ wrote:
catty doesn't suit you. you're not BSR or bgraham. you don't got the teeth. i said my piece about you and you're just going to reinforce everything i said when you continue to post more drivel over the years until you do us a favor and take another hiatus thank you, next


Yeah the soup nazi bit is also a hack and taken out of real emotional context and rendered absolutely meaningless.
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:07:26 AM EST (GMT-5)
Nazi punks nazi punks nazi punks.,,

F*ck off
16 days ago - Saturday 1/5/19 - 2:10:20 AM EST (GMT-5)
I am so happy for you!!
Working on brain stuff is hard and you're doing amazing. You'll form new neural pathways and good habits and it will just keep getting easier and better.

And married?! Awesome. Love is the best. "next year" so is there a general idea of when or is there already a date set? Where do i send my gift? I need more answers, ken.

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