Was in the ER for being suicidal this week Thought they were going to keep me there, wanted to be kept there, but was given a referral, info for group,... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of SleepyJean | mood: Good

I’m going to group today

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5 days ago - Thursday 12/6/18 - 10:21:16 AM EST (GMT-5)
Was in the ER for being suicidal this week

Thought they were going to keep me there, wanted to be kept there, but was given a referral, info for group, a lecture about being entitled because I was getting more and faster help than most people, shame for not ‘presenting as despondent as a suicidal person does’, and the boot.

So now I’m going to group, which I’ve done before and hate because I hate public speaking and discussing stuff in front of more than one or two people, because apparently it’s the ‘ladder’ to getting doctors to take me seriously.

I have an actual appointment on Monday with a therapist or psychiatrist a something. It was difficult for me to understand what was going on and they didn’t want to explain it to me twice.


I have a paper with the time and date and address and a crisis hotline and not much else.


Honestly I’m mad. If you couldn’t tell.

5 days ago - Thursday 12/6/18 - 1:17:49 PM EST (GMT-5)



5 days ago - Thursday 12/6/18 - 4:08:33 PM EST (GMT-5)
Can you file a formal complaint? That's such sh*t.

5 days ago - Thursday 12/6/18 - 4:34:23 PM EST (GMT-5)
You're so strong to have went to seek help and it's such bullsh*t how you were treated.

5 days ago - Thursday 12/6/18 - 4:41:36 PM EST (GMT-5)
That all sucks so much I hate how mental health is still treated so poorly
I hope somehow you find help
5 days ago - Thursday 12/6/18 - 4:52:29 PM EST (GMT-5)
Apparently they do it that way on purpose to ‘filter out’ people who are just looking for a warm bed and a meal.


The person who told me this had been through the system.



I said they’re going to filter someone out and into a noose.



They told me not to say things like that.




On a better note, group was really helpful!
5 days ago - Thursday 12/6/18 - 4:55:56 PM EST (GMT-5)
Seems like a crappy filter- - I think you are right about filtering someone out and into a noose.

Glad to hear that group turned out to be helpful for you.

5 days ago - Thursday 12/6/18 - 9:13:55 PM EST (GMT-5)
shame for not ‘presenting as despondent as a suicidal person does'

That line is something I struggle with. I look perfectly fine, I'm a great actor and I'm not good at telling people, even those ultra close to me, how bad I really feel.

So then I feel even more alone and down cause, obviously, people don't notice how much I'm struggling. Then I end up doing stupid things and hurting myself cause it's the only way I feel that people will notice that I'm not OK, if it's physically visible.
5 days ago - Thursday 12/6/18 - 9:44:16 PM EST (GMT-5)
They’ve (various doctors) have been throwing bipolar around lately


I think I’m gonna end up being tested.


I don’t know how I feel about that

5 days ago - Thursday 12/6/18 - 10:51:48 PM EST (GMT-5)
Dude.
My friend is bpd and for decades struggled and resisted and had major scary breakdowns and about six years ago, after an almost tragedy, she became serious about therapy and so many good changes, then about a year ago she started dbt therapy and holy sh*t she had grown so much and is so much more stable than she's ever been.

So take the label if it gets you help. It doesn't define anything but the billing code
5 days ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 12:42:12 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Thursday 12/6/18 - 10:51:48 PM WonderLand42 wrote:It doesn't define anything but the billing code

So so this. My husband teaches diagnosis, and while yeah you wanna get close to have a bit of foundation, it really doesn't matter that much. 50 people diagnosed the same thing are all compleeeeetely different and you treat the person, not the diagnosis. So much of mental health stuff is done for insurance purposes.
5 days ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 1:08:37 AM EST (GMT-5)
Yeah, this year my doctor and I started working with meds usually for bipolar (mood stabilizers. Can't tolerate any antidepressants). Am I bipolar? I don't know. My doctor doesn't know either. He says they think of it more as a spectrum nowadays.
Some people are 100% clearly bipolar and fit right into the diagnosis. Some people might have a few features.


Btw, (just fyi for anyone), bipolar is usually abbreviated BP and borderline personality disorder is BPD.
Not the same thing, in case you do some research about them.
5 days ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 1:35:32 AM EST (GMT-5)
My friend with bp was actually on an epilepsy medication for awhile, not sure if he still is, cause of the way it interacts with the brain.

He suggested moid stabilisers to me when i was having my last really down episode.
5 days ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 1:48:54 AM EST (GMT-5)
I'm on a mood stabilizer that's usually used for epilepsy (lamotrigine).
For me, it's not helping with depression, but helps with anger/rage.
5 days ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 1:57:25 AM EST (GMT-5)
Guys, legit. You should all check out dbt therapy.
It's like a mix of cognitive behavior and mindfulness kinds of things for emotional regulation. I know bpd is different but it's being used for lots of different dx
I think it should really be done with a therapist but there are websites with like beginners tips? and they can be pretty legit with at least calming and such.

I have been so impressed with E's progress that i'm like constantly telling people about dbt now
5 days ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 1:59:52 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Friday 12/7/18 - 1:57:25 AM WonderLand42 wrote:
Guys, legit. You should all check out dbt therapy.


I went reading about it when you first posted. It looks interesting. Now I'm hesitating between this and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)
5 days ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 2:00:07 AM EST (GMT-5)
I almost feel like they should offer cbt, dbt, etc. In high schools/colleges. Everyone could use a nice foundation of coping skills for life.
5 days ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 2:01:15 AM EST (GMT-5)
Boyfriend does ACT and he likes it.
5 days ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 2:03:29 AM EST (GMT-5)
I looked up ACT it looks really appealing to me, my doc wanted me to see someone who is really good at CBT though. I kinda trust her than my own interwebs research
5 days ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 2:18:24 AM EST (GMT-5)
Side note:

So glad society is starting to move in the direction of talking about mental illnesses out in the open nowadays. Still have a long way to go with treatment options, but it's awesome that it's not necessarily a super taboo stigma anymore.

I admit I was afraid of bipolar and schizophrenic people in the past because of only hearing about it secondhand. When I actually to some people who were open about their Dx, it turned out they're not scary at all.
5 days ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 2:28:55 AM EST (GMT-5)
I hope you’re doing okay.
5 days ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 2:42:27 AM EST (GMT-5)
I think it's seen as scary cause all everyone really knows of it is the times people are in a full blown break. Not the ever day trying to be normal thing.

I watched a really interesting video on Facebook done by "special books for special kids" where he interviews a lady who is raising awareness for it. It was interesting to watch and listen to.

She almost looks uninterested/spacey in the video. She said she permanently sees and hears things, it's a matter of just trying to ignore them.

She also said that she won't tell people what it where she sees them cause if she says things like "i see a clown over there" people look, when real people appear to be engaging it makes it seem more real and makes it harder to ignore as it starts to become more solid and part of reality.
4 days ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 9:37:37 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Friday 12/7/18 - 2:03:29 AM Socio wrote:
I looked up ACT it looks really appealing to me, my doc wanted me to see someone who is really good at CBT though. I kinda trust her than my own interwebs research

I know this is a very personal matter, as in, there is no universal therapy that work for everyone, but I tried CBT for a while, and it doesn't work for me. (could be the therapist, though, I felt no connection) It's very practical, almost cerebral. Thing is, I know very well what my problem is, when it happens, but the rational doesn't connect with the emotional, there is a gap that needs a bridge.



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