I`ve got nothing but love for you, YT. Sometimes, I think, yo, Carvin, you should make a journal. And I think back, yeah, and make it about some real life... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of cpayne | mood: Good

You like Brazilian music?

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12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 1:57:19 PM EST (GMT-5)
I've got nothing but love for you, YT.

Sometimes, I think, yo, Carvin, you should make a journal. And I think back, yeah, and make it about some real life ish. And invariably I don't, because I don't make journals often, and even more rarely talk real life sh*t. It's just not me. On a personal level, I'm good. The biggest issue I have, personally, is my H.R. dude makes me feel bad every time I go in there (I'm management, so I've gotta talk to him about hiring, firing, etc.) because this dude is stupid good looking. Like I feel the need to go to the gym right after I leave his office and put in work. He's movie star good looking and so damn nice, too.

My biggest issues are things on my periphery. Friends going through hard times and the like, and seeing them struggle, I often wonder what more I can do for them, how I can help them get right, keeping them out of jail, being a confidant.

12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 1:57:33 PM EST (GMT-5)
That sort of thing. It can be overwhelming sometimes, and it's not even my issues. I just want these folks to be good.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 1:59:52 PM EST (GMT-5)
I feel the same way about journals.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:03:42 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Monday 2/12/18 - 1:59:52 PM CuckingFunt wrote:
I feel the same way about journals.

I just don't have much to say. I've got friends who sometimes will say they don't feel like they really know me and I'm like, this is really all there is!

I mean, I've got a relatively interesting life history, but that's not me, it's just stuff I've gone through. I'm this chill, folks, really.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:10:22 PM EST (GMT-5)
I don't use yt to purge my innermost feelings or talk about deeply personal sh*t. I'll make threads when I think I have something that would make an entertaining discussion.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:11:59 PM EST (GMT-5)
I get what you mean about stressing over others. There's this guy from my work and almost everybody there doesn't get along with him, a few over some drama that occurred before my time, but others just don't really get him.

We get along well and have a similar sense of humour. Plus he's just about my brother's age, so I feel inclined to help him.

Just before Evan was born, he was suffering with pretty bad depression and was regularly suicidal. I spoke to him about it frequently but since Evan's come along, I haven't made much of an effort to reach out because I'm so overwhelmed with him and also at a loss of how to help work guy.

12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:12:19 PM EST (GMT-5)
Ever heard of Maglehna? By Sergio Mendes?

Don't listen if you don't want to dance.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:15:27 PM EST (GMT-5)
Have you seen yourself in the mirror?

I wouldn't worry about how good you look.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:15:34 PM EST (GMT-5)
I type up long journals without a title (so I don’t accidentally post)

then I X out of the page, on purpose.

Almost daily.

People don’t really care. If they do care they’re not going to say what they really feel because it’s just fake-nice.

(Not saying I don’t care about you. But for me personally, I’ve either skipped ahead or the rest of the people have left me behind. It’s very apparent that people don’t want to hear about what is happening in MY life)



12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:19:43 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Monday 2/12/18 - 2:10:22 PM CuckingFunt wrote:
I don't use yt to purge my innermost feelings or talk about deeply personal sh*t. I'll make threads when I think I have something that would make an entertaining discussion.

One of my bigger flaws is I just straight up don't talk about my more personally rooted issues, here or anywhere else. I internalize most of those things and soldier on all sunny like.

My issues are typically related to being black in a country where a not insignificant number of people think of me as lesser because I'm black, and the other issues that are related to that, but I'm in a good headspace as far as that goes at present.

On Monday 2/12/18 - 2:12:19 PM LoraHereWeGo wrote:
Ever heard of Maglehna? By Sergio Mendes? Don't listen if you don't want to dance.

Shiiiiiiiiiii, I always want to dance.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:25:31 PM EST (GMT-5)
Then dance responsibly, my friend.

If I didn't come here and talk about my life and what's bothering me, I would never talk about it. I don't have safe spaces to gush like that. I'm always the one that OTHER people come to talk about their days/lives. YT allows me a chance to be vulnerable. Even if no one replies/reads it, it feels good just to get it out somewhere.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:25:36 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Monday 2/12/18 - 2:15:34 PM petitefleur wrote:
Well written and valid response.

I understand this. Part of my probably is that even when I have stuff to say to folks, because I try to care about as many people as I can, I don't always feel my words are sufficient enough, or I don't have the words to adequately convey the proper response. Sometimes I should just let go and say stuff, though, perhaps?

On Monday 2/12/18 - 2:15:27 PM EhFahQ wrote:
Have you seen yourself in the mirror? I wouldn't worry about how good you look.

Thank you very much. I don't think of myself as bad looking, just holy sh*t, this dude is good looking. And he's so nice too! He just exudes this aura.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:27:53 PM EST (GMT-5)
Oh wait, something that is bothering me, but is a frivolous issue? I'm going bald as cornrows are coming back.

I would totally do this!


12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:29:16 PM EST (GMT-5)
That looks like a lot of work.

I shaved my head last night because f*ck hair.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:29:41 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Monday 2/12/18 - 2:11:59 PM Spoonerism wrote:
I get what you mean about stressing over others. There's this guy from my work and almost everybody there doesn't get along with him, a few over some drama that occurred before my time, but others just don't really get him. We get along well and have a similar sense of humour. Plus he's just about my brother's age, so I feel inclined to help him. Just before Evan was born, he was suffering with pretty bad depression and was regularly suicidal. I spoke to him about it frequently but since Evan's come along, I haven't made much of an effort to reach out because I'm so overwhelmed with him and also at a loss of how to help work guy.

It's tough to reach out sometimes, when we all have our own stuff going on. It's even more tough, because we can't magically make things better for others.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:31:08 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Monday 2/12/18 - 2:29:16 PM CuckingFunt wrote:
That looks like a lot of work. I shaved my head last night because f*ck hair.

I think I could probably still grow out my hair long enough for it, but knowing there's a developing bald spot would just bother me as the length kept increasing. I'd look clean, though.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:33:45 PM EST (GMT-5)
I would journal more, but I don't think people want to hear about my privileged vacation concerns or pathetic cholesterol.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:34:36 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Monday 2/12/18 - 2:33:45 PM Rag_Doll_ wrote:
I would journal more, but I don't think people want to hear about my privileged vacation concerns or pathetic cholesterol.



12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:36:07 PM EST (GMT-5)
I dont come here often, but when I do I feel more support from someone here than I do those closest to me. And thats even if its one person. Maybe thats why I keep coming back.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:38:12 PM EST (GMT-5)
BTW I think all of you who don't share on YT because you don't think anyone would be interested...


12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:40:03 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Monday 2/12/18 - 2:33:45 PM Rag_Doll_ wrote:
I would journal more, but I don't think people want to hear about my privileged vacation concerns or pathetic cholesterol.

Sucks to be you, my cholesterol is wonderful.
12 days ago - Monday 2/12/18 - 2:40:43 PM EST (GMT-5)
Good thing a certain someone isn't here to see all this cholesterol talk!
11 days ago - Tuesday 2/13/18 - 6:29:58 AM EST (GMT-5)
I tell folks here a lot. And lucky I’ve been nice to everyone since forever so everyone’s pretty kind in return.
But yeah, actually saying exactly what’s in your brain, it’s really nice when it happens, it just doesn’t happen a lot. Most people just aren’t talking their real thoughts. Probably why most everyone is ok but just ok
11 days ago - Tuesday 2/13/18 - 9:35:34 AM EST (GMT-5)
here for the title of this journal

also I miss ya cpayne. I like almost came close to posting a journal. almost.
11 days ago - Tuesday 2/13/18 - 10:42:15 AM EST (GMT-5)
I think that the title of the thread was an attempt to hide this journal from me...

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