i told people i was gonna be done after taking fall classes but fall quarter starts in 2 days and i just kind of never registered for anything so, i... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of mysocks | mood: Frightened

i had some teeth taken out and i am 1 step closer to being a legitimate independent adult human. now to exit my stasis of reclusive misanthropy

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1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 4:07:00 AM EST (GMT-5)
i told people i was gonna be done after taking fall classes but fall quarter starts in 2 days and i just kind of never registered for anything
so, i am 4 classes shy of a bachelor's and for the time being essentially a filthy neet

part of me wants to give up forever and drop out of college this close to the end. stick it to the man
why not? i was poor enough to not have any debt and i always cared about the college experience way more than the diploma. at this point i do not value the education i am getting at all. i like my major but not the way the dept here is run! i learn way more sitting around watching jeopardy.

i feel totally alienated from everything and am more and more bitter everyday. i see other people on facebook publicly reaching out about their mental/emotional struggles and it enrages me. i cant do that cuz no1curr
i don't know how to feel connected to people

1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 4:34:45 AM EST (GMT-5)
A close friend of mine almost dropped out with 2 classes remaining and I beat his ass so he'd finish. I know you aren't learning anything but just having the degree is going to improve your lifelong earning potential. You don't have to like it, think about the money.

Also I have been a filthy neet for two separate 8 week periods in my life and by week 4 it was an awful pit of despair because I wasn't leaving the house. Taking time off is fine just stay active and dont slide into wasting days. Go outside yo.
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 5:09:14 AM EST (GMT-5)
Ok I feel like that came off with a bad tone I wasn't trying to scare you, just that realistically if you're already down you can't get sucked into only socializing with cashiers you know. Take care of yourself! I spent most of my life in severe depression and know all those feels.
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 5:12:26 AM EST (GMT-5)
Tbh it sounds like ypu are letting the sh#tty department win when the only person you not finishing *might* hurt J's yourself (because obs a degree doesn't *always* lead to a better life)
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 5:25:37 AM EST (GMT-5)
What were you planning to do after college?
What will you do after college?

I thought I wanted out of college asap back when I was there but nowadays I wish I could go back. If past me knew about this, I'd find it hard to believe.

I was disappointed by my department and ended university with severe anxiety but I'm glad I have the degree, even if I wish now that I majored in something else.

But whatever.

In other news,
I feel like it gets harder and harder and harder to connect with people as I get older. Maybe it's because the people around me get more closed off.

I remember being 12 and it was so much easier to share interests with people...or, if someone didn't share an interest, they were more eager to try stuff out or let me show them something. Eager to connect in some way.
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 5:28:01 AM EST (GMT-5)
It was okay when I was 16, then 20, then...around 26 it became incredibly hard and it seems to get worse every year. So, I don't know a solution. All I know is that being an adult is the loneliest thing and everything gets worse.

Nonstop sh*ttiness since my mid 20s.
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 6:41:11 AM EST (GMT-5)
i'm too stubborn to not finish when im this close. i am demotivated and need a break

i don't know what i was planning postgrad. nothing in particular, seeing what's out there on the job market i suppose

currently, i value freedom and traveling and creativity. i would probably settle for just about any gig that involves getting sent random places for whatever reason.
i think i should be a writer but if im not confident enough to ever write anything... this does not say good things about my ability to ever do so for money huh
actually thinking about getting into freelance editing/proofreading because i think they will let you do that if you prove you know english goodly enough

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