I was a bit taken off guard. She told me that she was disappointed in me. That she has tried to instill wisdom into her children, and I go off,... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of LoraHereWeGo | mood: Indifferent

So I told my mom about the sexual assault. Didn`t go the way I thought it would.

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1 month ago - Monday 9/25/17 - 7:39:01 AM EST (GMT-5)
I was a bit taken off guard.
She told me that she was disappointed in me. That she has tried to instill wisdom into her children, and I go off, and this happens. She said that she feels like she has failed as a mother. She wanted details. When, how, what, why. She seemed almost.......angry.
I told my grandmother months ago, and she said that she had a feeling something had happened to me, but couldn't tell me what. She was quite supportive.

In other news, my papa is in the hospital. I told my mom last Sunday that I didn't think he was going to be around for much longer, and by Thursday, he's in the hospital, paralyzed from the waist down and doctors don't know why. I feel like I jinxed him.

I had a lovely weekend with a very handsome man, but its now Monday, and I am regretting it all.

I was thinking about taking my baby bro to the movies to see IT for $5 Tuesdays.

1 month ago - Monday 9/25/17 - 8:06:10 AM EST (GMT-5)
I'm sorry your mom is being almost text-book terrible.

Go to the movies!
1 month ago - Monday 9/25/17 - 8:11:34 AM EST (GMT-5)
I just thought she would be a little more supportive. Since she has also been assaulted. I wasn't expecting her response, it took me off guard.

And I'm deeeefinitely leaning towards going. I have been hearing mixed reviews.
1 month ago - Monday 9/25/17 - 8:16:01 AM EST (GMT-5)
My mom knows I was in an abusive relationship and went off on a rant the other day after I told her about my friend mike's crazy ex (legit crazy bitch broke into his house and trashed it after she dumped him and he didn't 'fight hard enough') about how what can people expect they're the ones who pick their partners you should really know when you're dating someone crazy and it's your choice to be there.

Maybe our moms should get together and be awful over coffee
1 month ago - Monday 9/25/17 - 8:22:34 AM EST (GMT-5)
Jesus. O.O Some people know how to hide their crazy really well, and it be completely undetectable. You don't know, until the crazy person breaks into your house and trashes everything. Or , suddenly decides that yes, I shall force myself on you. Its not something you can just...detect, sometimes.
And there seems to be an uptick of women trashing things lately.

And they really should. Sonita's mom should go too. Just have a nice good ol bitter hurt lady brunch.
1 month ago - Monday 9/25/17 - 9:00:09 AM EST (GMT-5)
I wasn't aware anything had happened, and I'm really sorry to hear about all this. Both what happened and your mom's reaction. I know you already don't get along

Speaking of missing things have you been able to see a doctor, I know you were shopping for insurance. I hope that was resolved.

I didn't want to see IT at first but it's broken so many records I want to see it now.
1 month ago - Monday 9/25/17 - 9:19:41 AM EST (GMT-5)
My oldest daughter was hit by her ex and I went bonkers! Never ever blamed her especially when she went the whole "it was probably my own fault" route. Your mom is a c*nt, sorry.
1 month ago - Monday 9/25/17 - 9:27:51 AM EST (GMT-5)
Lora, I am so sorry your mom was such a dick to you. That is f*cked up.
1 month ago - Monday 9/25/17 - 11:50:00 AM EST (GMT-5)
Ahmed - Well, its not something you just TELL people. Lol. But thank you. And yes, I did! I found out my county has a discount program for peeps without insurance for the clinics and hospitals. I've been given a grant, and so far, I haven't had to pay anything. Which even if I did, it would just be $3 for Doctors visits, $20 for hospital stays, $50 for surgeries. So far, the service has been good. I've had a Catscan of my brain, lots of lab, but they just can not figure out why I get dizzy, or feel that tingling sensation. Everything has come back as normal. So we're going to do an MRI next month. Which reminds me, I need to call and see if I can reschedule the time.
The thing I hate about this type of care, is that.....its ridiculous to get an appointment. First appointment I got, was a month a later. I can't always see the same doctors either. But anh. Better than nothing.
1 month ago - Monday 9/25/17 - 11:58:00 AM EST (GMT-5)
My mother is so.....bitter and hurt. And she takes things so personally. Even if the situation has nothing to do with her, she tries to put herself in it SOMEHOW. Like, when I finally reconnected with my father 19 years, she got offended that he wouldn't talk to her, that he didn't ask for her phone number. Its about her. So much.
Somehow, she is getting hurt it screwed. Somehow, she's being affected by someone else's situation.

After telling me about 'This is why you shouldn't go out' and that she told me that something bad was going to happen to me, she then quickly switched to her woes with her ex husband.
Your daughter is telling you that she has been violated. You spend 15 minutes telling her that it was her fault, and then switch to ex husband bashing.
1 month ago - Monday 9/25/17 - 12:33:34 PM EST (GMT-5)
Sorry about all the things Lora. It sounds like it's been a really sh*tty few weeks.

I hope your papa is ok.

Don't blame yourself for any of the things!
1 month ago - Monday 9/25/17 - 2:02:53 PM EST (GMT-5)
sorry to hear about the situation and the way your mom handled it. the only person at fault here is the perpetrator, no one else.
1 month ago - Tuesday 9/26/17 - 9:46:11 AM EST (GMT-5)
I know, guys. I have been doing alot of reflecting for the past year. I'm better for it.

My grandpa is actually going to be moved for rehabilitation. Still have no idea whats wrong with him.

On a lighter note, I'm watching American Horror Story and I'm not sure about this season. Ever since Jessica left, the show has just been not....good.
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 9:13:09 PM EST (GMT-5)
I went and saw IT with the baby bro, and though he enjoyed it, he was scared out of his head. Which.....I don't know, it had some good jump scares, but other than that, I was fine. I think the SCARIEST part was the library scene. I just...don't...do...crickity walks like....that.
I also was a bit taken aback by the profanity.

And its Wednesday, and I'm in hardcore regret about this past weekend. I can't stop thinking about it. He's been good with texting me every day, which I'm pleased, but I just feel like the end is near, I f*cked up once again, and I want to throw up.

I literally have been queasy all day about it.
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 9:39:06 PM EST (GMT-5)
How do you know you messed up though?
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 9:44:09 PM EST (GMT-5)
I might have had relations with him. Several times, actually.

Prior history tells me that when I like someone, and I have sex with them, things just tend to wither and die. And so I haven't had sex in awhile, partially because of this. And I feel like I kinda.....messed up. :-\
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 9:47:55 PM EST (GMT-5)
History can always change for the better.

He seems to still be interested, but it's understandable with so much prior experience to listen to the voice in your head. It's sometimes persuasive for the wrong reasons.
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 9:54:27 PM EST (GMT-5)
Exactly! And I'm trying to stay optimistic (because usually the guy doesn't text me afterwards, but this one did!) But then I have that voice going, 'you'll probably see him one more time, and thats it. I mean, dude still has your keyboard.'
I hate that voice.

I remember we were laying in the dark, and I said I didn't want to hurt him, and I didn't want to get hurt. And he paused, and said that he wouldn't hurt me. I don't know. I'm getting nauseous again.
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 9:56:09 PM EST (GMT-5)
You've made it this far. That's worth celebrating. Just take it slowly and see what happens beyond that. You've got this.
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 10:08:08 PM EST (GMT-5)
Trying to. Sigh. All of them.

How have you been, Boco?
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 10:14:51 PM EST (GMT-5)
I know it's difficult. Exceedingly so at times. But, it can be so worth it.

I've been good, thank you for asking. Just going through the natural flow of life at the moment.
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 10:21:01 PM EST (GMT-5)
I just want to get to that point of no longer second guessing, of how I am appearing to that other person, and being careful with each step I take. This is one of the reasoms why I stopped dating, its too much.

Natural flowing is good. Lol.
1 month ago - Wednesday 9/27/17 - 10:38:22 PM EST (GMT-5)
I absolutely get that. It's something you have to figure out at your own speed, but something I trust you will figure out.

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