Since before I moved in this house in December I`ve been doing the bare minimum. Go to work, get home and lay in the bed watching TV until I fall... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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From the Journal of snarf | mood: Good

So I checked out for like a year or so.

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2 months ago - Wednesday 9/20/17 - 7:35:58 PM EST (GMT-5)
Since before I moved in this house in December I've been doing the bare minimum. Go to work, get home and lay in the bed watching TV until I fall asleep. There was quite a few weeks I skipped mowing the lawn. And quite a few nights I didn't eat because it was too much effort to throw a TV dinner in the microwave.

Funny thing is at the time I didn't think I was depressed.I guess I've climbed a little higher out of the pit of despair and looking down on where I was isn't pretty.

I wish I could put a finger on what made me start climbing up again. I think the trigger was looking down on the pony keg I'm carrying and deciding to get rid of it.

Getting up and moving is a good thing. I've always heard exercise was good for you mentally and now I'm a believer. Last night I didn't sleep well and I didn't want to do anything today.

2 months ago - Wednesday 9/20/17 - 7:37:32 PM EST (GMT-5)
The step counter on my phone didn't say 10000 though so I got off my ass and did a few laps around the plant. Normally when I'm in that mood I don't do anything I know I feel better getting up and moving today
2 months ago - Wednesday 9/20/17 - 7:46:37 PM EST (GMT-5)
Good to hear, man.

Sometimes you look back and think "sh*t, I thought that was normal??"
2 months ago - Wednesday 9/20/17 - 7:52:27 PM EST (GMT-5)
Isn't it weird how you don't fully notice it? I'm currently in a slump. I know, in a week or two, I'll look around and be able to see the disarray. Not quite yet though.

I'm very glad for you, snarf.
2 months ago - Wednesday 9/20/17 - 7:58:08 PM EST (GMT-5)
I was depressed before I re-married, but then I did have things to be depressed about.
A soul destroying low paid job, no savings, b*gger all super and believing I'd never see another naked man as long as I lived.
To this day it still gives me a devilish pleasure seeing hubby dry himself in front of the fire.
2 months ago - Wednesday 9/20/17 - 8:22:15 PM EST (GMT-5)
I worked on my Mercedes a little bit. Need a metal cutting hacksaw blade.

I haven't drove it in over a year.
2 months ago - Wednesday 9/20/17 - 8:24:06 PM EST (GMT-5)
I thought I want to talk about this subject but I'm just not into it right now .I'll just be glad I'm on the way up and not dwell on the past for now
2 months ago - Thursday 9/21/17 - 4:58:43 AM EST (GMT-5)
The only thing that depresses me thinking I have to work another 10 years
2 months ago - Thursday 9/21/17 - 5:05:42 AM EST (GMT-5)
I'm going to try and log daily metrics so that I don't fall into a haze where I'm just on depressed autopilot.

Maybe that's one of the problems living alone. There's no one to kind of check up on you and let you know you seem a bit down
2 months ago - Thursday 9/21/17 - 9:14:09 AM EST (GMT-5)
I have been in this mode for a while. I don't know if it's depression or just laziness.
2 months ago - Thursday 9/21/17 - 9:20:04 AM EST (GMT-5)
I think it's a combination for me.

Maybe I should do meth. I won't get anything accomplished but at least I'll be moving around more.

I put in slight effort yesterday. I started working on the Mercedes yesterday but when I got to where I needed a new hacksaw blade I stopped instead of going to the store.

I could have installed the speakers in my Honda but I wasn't feeling it.

Oh well. Little steps. At least I did something.
1 month ago - Tuesday 9/26/17 - 3:52:23 AM EST (GMT-5)
Hey dude I'm just glad you're alright. You had mentioned not mowing the yard but I didn't think that amounted to much - not eating supper is different. What's important is that you're doing things about it.
1 month ago - Tuesday 9/26/17 - 1:20:13 PM EST (GMT-5)
I'm sorta doing things. I almost quit smoking. I woke up Sunday and lit one up before remembering I was going to quit. So I said f*ck it and lit a second one . So my quit time started at 6 am. I was good until Monday morning when I smoked a butt out of my Honda's ashtray. Then after lunch I bummed a whole one.

I didn't smoke again until Tuesday at 9:30 when I bought a pack. The truth is I was tired of dealing with the withdrawals, the excuse I gave myself at the time was I had to drive samples to Nashville and didn't want to deal with a nicotine fit in traffic.

I'll just put it down as a trial run for quitting for real this Sunday.

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