So, husband and i realized that we have different responses when asked about having kids. We`ve always known we don`t want kids. We both came into the relationship that way... Who's Online | Find Members | Private Messages
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When people ask if you are having kids soon...

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1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:03:42 AM EST (GMT-5)
So, husband and i realized that we have different responses when asked about having kids.

We've always known we don't want kids. We both came into the relationship that way and continue to feel so.

Since we are in our mid 30s and recently (3 years) married, we constantly get asked.

I tend to say, oh we don't want kids, if its someone I'm ever going to talk to again. Co-worker, relative, friend, etc.

I tend to just nervously laugh if it's a stranger or like 'not yet'. ie, girl selling us an anniversary ring cuz it doesn't matter.

But my husband says he says 'not yet!" Or 'we are still talking', or 'maybe in a few years' to everyone. And i was like,
What? Why? He's worried about judgment or offending people i think.

It never really occurred to me, cuz duck other people

But what did/do you say when people asked? Do you put thought into it? Would/ do you lie? Etc
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:09:42 AM EST (GMT-5)
If people could possibly refrain from asking personal questions we'd never have to deal with this.

I'm at a point where I don't lie. I don't care what they think. I firmly state that I've never wanted kids (neither does rag).
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:13:31 AM EST (GMT-5)
I just say "nahhhh" or "nahhhhh, no kids for me" and it's hard to describe but my tone of voice conveys a combination of "that's absurd" and "that's my final answer". Maybe I'll do it on vocaroo sometime. People stop there.

If I had to devil's advocate for your husband:
him saying no might lead to people asking why. Demurring by saying it's a Later Thing can shut down further inquiries.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:13:47 AM EST (GMT-5)
I thought about that. On one hand, yeah that'd be nice.

On the other, i think it's like, a go-to what-do-we-talk-about line of questioning, like asking a HSer about what college, or asking a college student their major, etc. I mean, i hated those too. But i found myself asking those questions when faced with a friend teenage kid at a party
How much is prying and how much is social awkwardness and an easy go-to topic
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:15:47 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:13:31 AM mousepelled wrote:
I just say "nahhhh" or "nahhhhh, no kids for me" and it's hard to describe but my tone of voice conveys a combination of "that's absurd" and "that's my final answer". Maybe I'll do it on vocaroo sometime. People stop there. If I had to devil's advocate for your husband: him saying no might lead to people asking why. Demurring by saying it's a Later Thing can shut down further inquiries.


That's a good point for my husband.

It just seems so ingeniune. Especially for relatives and his coworkers.
He can say what ever he wants, i don't care. I just found it very "wait, what?"
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:15:57 AM EST (GMT-5)
It's hard because it IS such an easy and natural question to people of childbearing age.
I try to avoid it because who knows if they really want kids but have been struggling with infertility or miscarriages?
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:18:38 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:15:47 AM NicolesLove wrote:
That's a good point for my husband. It just seems so ingeniune. Especially for relatives and his coworkers. He can say what ever he wants, i don't care. I just found it very "wait, what?"

Imo, he should be more straightforward with the relatives, though.
I wouldn't like if my potential husband was lying because I feel like his relatives were thinking that I was somehow preventing him from having children, instead of them knowing we both made the decision.

with co-workers, maybe a little lying won't hurt.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:18:54 AM EST (GMT-5)
I asked a friend if her baby bump was an 'oops' or planned once but we were close. I hope
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:22:25 AM EST (GMT-5)
I guess with small talk "do you have kids" will naturally come up. If I say no, just please leave it at that.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:23:44 AM EST (GMT-5)
OH! That reminds me. My sister and her husband don't want kids, for now, eventually they do, but their relationship is SUPER rocky.
My sisters MIL blames my sis for their current lack of kids because her son "has always wanted a TON of kids". To which my sister told me, no, it's mostly him that doesn't want them yet.
But his mom is super pushy baby crazy and he won't tell his mom that. So he lets her think its my sister. Pisses both of us off

My MIL is the only relative my hus is close to. And i think he's told her?
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:30:16 AM EST (GMT-5)
Oh, that's annoying.

I'm a couple of years older than my boyfriend and I hope to God he's told his family that he's not having kids. I don't to be blamed for being an crazy cat lady stealing away his prime dad years. (I grilled him a whole bunch of times before I was satisfied that he doesn't want kids. He doesn't have a strict biological clock like I do but still, if he wanted to have kids, I don't want to waste his time)
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:33:28 AM EST (GMT-5)
I just laugh.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:37:19 AM EST (GMT-5)




I'm too old for that sh*t.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:56:05 AM EST (GMT-5)
IT DOESNT STOP WHEN YOU DO HAVE A KID!!

After my years of this question, I have one. You’d think that would satisfy everyone would should mind their business... but no. It does not because it turns into “when are you having another?”

I don’t beat around the bush with my answer. I don’t lie. I don’t make an excuse. Strictly no.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 3:00:45 AM EST (GMT-5)
I don't mind if people ask if I have kids, but don't continue questioning after I say "no". Sometimes I say "the cat's enough!", lol.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 3:01:45 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:37:19 AM CuckingFunt wrote:
[image] I'm too old for that sh*t.

Yuuup. This.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 3:19:43 AM EST (GMT-5)
If people push me further when I say I'm not having kids, I go into a long oversharing monologue about all the hereditary conditions I have that make my life hell and how immoral it would be to have kids knowing they would inherit these conditions and I make a LOT of eye conduct and sad face whilst I talk
Usually shuts them up
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 3:39:02 AM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 2/2/19 - 2:56:05 AM EmptyMisty wrote:
IT DOESNT STOP WHEN YOU DO HAVE A KID!! After my years of this question, I have one. You’d think that would satisfy everyone would should mind their business... but no. It does not because it turns into “when are you having another?” I don’t beat around the bush with my answer. I don’t lie. I don’t make an excuse. Strictly no.

This.

And people can be very pushy about why you can't have just one.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 9:40:06 AM EST (GMT-5)
Doesn’t seem to stop at 2 kids either! I always get “well, when are you going to try for a boy? They need a brother! Mr fleur needs a son!”

I get that it’s small talk, but it’s kinda weird. I just say that we are done. If they want to pry, I explain to them that I’m 35 years old and the last pregnancy almost killed me.

People don’t realize how rude it can be.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 9:58:32 AM EST (GMT-5)
Yep i have 2 and still get asked when we're having another. We're done making babies.

When are you getting married is the one I get the most. It's infuriating.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 10:26:12 AM EST (GMT-5)
Ugh I hate this. Even if the people don’t mean any harm, they have no idea what kind of situation you’re in. We want kids but it’s a point of tension atm so I dread this question and the gentle teasing from friends and family. I can only imagine if I was have difficulties getting/staying pregnant.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 10:28:12 AM EST (GMT-5)
That’s a question I don’t ever remember any one asking me.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 10:47:15 AM EST (GMT-5)
I kinda get his response, purely because every time any of my family asks me about the possibility of me ever having kids they won’t shut up about trying to convince me otherwise when I tell them I don’t want kids.

Like seriously. I don’t want em. You’re not gonna convince me otherwise, weird sort of aunt I only see every two years I’ve spent plenty of time thinking about this.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 11:09:59 AM EST (GMT-5)
Even back when I was married, the only person who pestered me about having kids was my wife. 3 was plenty.
1 month ago - Saturday 2/2/19 - 12:30:16 PM EST (GMT-5)
I rarely get this question because people assume I'm in my early 20s + I'm not married. I got it a couple times after my age was revealed and all I said was "no". I wasn't pressed further.

Buuuuuut
Because I'm assumed to be a college student, I'm sick of being asked about my university and my major. I've had complete strangers questioning me about school for years.

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