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Funny Things Overheard

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3 months ago - Monday 12/3/18 - 10:01:42 PM EST (GMT-5)
This is one of my favorite little things in life. Please feel free to add yours, past or present.
3 months ago - Monday 12/3/18 - 10:02:45 PM EST (GMT-5)
Today I was getting gas and at the next pump was a guy and a little girl (10-12 years old).

Girl: Scientists tested it, and it digested!!
Guy: No. Do not eat Legos.
3 months ago - Monday 12/3/18 - 11:40:27 PM EST (GMT-5)
I overheard this anecdote at the beach this past weekend:

"It was so embarrassing! All my extended family was there, and she came out and asked me if I wanted a strawberry. And I said, no, I don't want to eat a strawberry. And she was like, why won't you eat a strawberry? And I was like, because strawberries are a champagne decoration, not food"
3 months ago - Tuesday 12/4/18 - 1:35:01 AM EST (GMT-5)
What a fool; I LOVE strawberries.
3 months ago - Tuesday 12/4/18 - 3:27:12 AM EST (GMT-5)
I could understand not liking strawberries
I don't understand why she was embarrassed to be asked about this in front of her family
3 months ago - Tuesday 12/4/18 - 6:06:04 AM EST (GMT-5)
I once heard a kid in a chemist say to his mother, in quite some alarm;

“Mum, I think I’m allergic to my own hair.”

The mother just rolled her eyes and sighed. I LOLed
3 months ago - Tuesday 12/4/18 - 12:38:30 PM EST (GMT-5)
I took my boy to watch airplanes fly into the local airport and there were two men sitting on the bench next to ours.
Their conversation went as follows:
'like I was a propa bad man, drinkin' and sht, smokin' and I carried a gun. Not some pussy gun ya know, like a proper one ya know, but now manz changed and dat, you don't wanna be like me, I f*cked every pussy.....'

I laughed so hard the guy gave me evils. If you had seen him, you'd have laughed as well.

I love people watching. Sometimes they come out with hilarious things.
3 months ago - Tuesday 12/4/18 - 12:39:16 PM EST (GMT-5)
i don't overhear. people just say weird sh*t directly at me.

one time someone told me that asshole tastes like a penny.

3 months ago - Tuesday 12/4/18 - 12:48:11 PM EST (GMT-5)
I once overheard this interaction between a man who was waiting in line at the store with his infant son and the woman in line behind him.

Woman: Your son is so cute!

Man: Ehh, he’s alright. He kind of looks like a potato.
3 months ago - Tuesday 12/4/18 - 5:53:41 PM EST (GMT-5)
I smoke outside so I overhear half conversations and come in laughing all the time. The problem is I can't remember most of them.

One I remember off the top of my head was a woman walking past on her phone and she just bellowed out "You trying to say I got a fat head?!"

It's become a thing between me and my gf now.
3 months ago - Thursday 12/6/18 - 10:56:01 PM EST (GMT-5)
The best I can remember right now is a very serious looking man in a suit on the train. He was talking to someone on the phone. It was obviously an adult he was talking bc he was asking them to pick him at a certain time from the station.
He said “I’m on the Choo Choo train now”
“I’ll text you when I’m about to get off the Choo Choo train”

I can’t remember exactly but he said Choo Choo train about 3 time in a very serious way.
3 months ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 3:01:41 AM EST (GMT-5)
One Sunday about 35 years ago I went into the newsagent's next to the flat I was living in. Th 17 year old girl behind the counter looked visibly nervous and I saw there were 3 big biker dudes hanging around at the back of the shop. I asked her if she was OK and she said They have been here for ages. So I bought my papers but made it obvious that I wasn't going to leave before they did. After a short Mexican stand off, they approached the counter and one of them grumpily asked. Have you got any Mother's Day cards?
3 months ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 9:42:27 AM EST (GMT-5)
My favorite happened 30 years ago. I was at the pub with a friend, and a few tables away there was this couple in their 30's having an argument, and you could feel the tension was building up.
Then at one point, the man slammed his fist on the table and yelled: "God dammit! if you can't say something to my face, tell me now!"
3 months ago - Friday 12/7/18 - 12:18:11 PM EST (GMT-5)
Not "heard" but seen on the Olive Garden FB page...a lady was complaining that the breadsticks were so hard they could be used as "missiles for the government".
3 months ago - Saturday 12/15/18 - 9:10:40 PM EST (GMT-5)
"Really? I thought Flint, Michigan was like a country in Africa! That happened in America?!"
3 months ago - Saturday 12/15/18 - 11:23:51 PM EST (GMT-5)
On Saturday 12/15/18 - 9:10:40 PM WonderLand42 wrote:
"Really? I thought Flint, Michigan was like a country in Africa! That happened in America?!"

3 months ago - Sunday 12/16/18 - 2:58:31 AM EST (GMT-5)
At a restaurant, the girl at the table next to mine, right as the waitress approached from behind her, "I'm a terrible tipper".
3 months ago - Sunday 12/16/18 - 4:23:45 AM EST (GMT-5)
A waiter nearly dropped a tray of drinks one time when a girl in our party announced that "I bought some new nipple rings today and they are way too thick for the holes"
3 months ago - Sunday 12/16/18 - 12:57:51 PM EST (GMT-5)
Okay, this isn't so funny...but something I overheard yesterday:

A homeless man was sitting on the ground, wrapped in a blue blanket in a way resembling a toga, he had a bible resting on his knee.

He said, "With the things I've done, I deserve to be in hell."

He was talking to a middle class looking man who had his child (a boy about 6 or 7 years old) sitting on his shoulders.

The dad told the homeless guy that everyone deserves to be in hell INCLUDING his child.

So, more wtf wtf wtf than funny.
3 months ago - Friday 12/21/18 - 2:31:38 AM EST (GMT-5)
not technically over heard, it was an actual conversation between rik and I but it made me laugh hard.

Rik: So any bets on what Friday holds to cap off this cluster drat of a week in America? My bet is trump nukes Canada.

Me: Nah too close
He wants to show off his impressive weapons, they have a big range, much bigger than you've seen before, they're very big and impressive
So Australia

Rik: He’d probably end up nuking Austria by mistake.
3 months ago - Friday 12/21/18 - 9:00:05 AM EST (GMT-5)
I was at a diner last night with the 2 o’clock crowd

a couple of girls started to get in a fight behind me and one was like, “don’t hit me I’m pregnant!”
the other responded, “YOU’RE JUST FAKE PREGNANT” as she threw plates of food at the fake pregnant lady

I missed the start of the fight, so I have no clue what escalated things
2 months ago - Thursday 1/17/19 - 1:12:20 AM EST (GMT-5)
'i don't care is they're bleeding, these are the only lips you will kiss!'

Some lady screamed that outside at 6am, while fighting with her other half.
I would have been pissed but had a major giggle instead.
2 months ago - Saturday 1/19/19 - 1:25:10 AM EST (GMT-5)
Two of my sister's cousins in law were discussing buying fajitas to put on their patio to keep them warm.

2 months ago - Monday 1/21/19 - 5:37:00 AM EST (GMT-5)
Just eavesdropped on a conversation about eavesdropping on the bus.

Person 1: did you know it’s actually eavesdrop, not earsdrop
2: no, it’s earsdrop

This conversation goes on for about 4 minutes.

“Earsdrop just makes sense because it’s your ears dropping to listen to someone”

“Nah I read about it. It’s eavesdropping. It comes from something to do with cats on windowsills or something”

They were sitting in the seat behind me on the bus and I wanted to turn around and say “sorry to earsdrop, but yeah it’s definitely eavesdrop”

I felt a bit too tired and fragile to engage in stranger conversation though.
2 months ago - Monday 1/21/19 - 5:49:39 AM EST (GMT-5)
Then person 1 said “and it’s not ‘hard as hell’, it’s actually ‘hard as hail’, because hail is hard”
(Which I personally did not know, and don’t think I’ve ever used that phrase)
But I was at my stop so I didn’t hear the rest of this passionate debate.

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