Still. Calm. Silent. An epiphany of peace. A world of white. Blankness. The bright, bubbly smile of death. She was dead.
A pretty white dress. Short sleeves, a hem that came down to mid calf. No shoes. Blonde hair loose, flowing behind her. Her eyes studied the nothingness around her. The quiet was calming, yet unnerving to her. She clapped. The sound didn't echo as she thought it would.
She sits, even though there appears to be a lack of floor. It's all white. There's no sign of anything, no ceiling, no floor, no walls. Her curiosity makes her wonder where the light illuminating the room is coming from, but then her thoughts wonder.
The girl wonders how she got here. She remembers nothing of her life, if she had one. No family, nor friends. Remembers no life. Not a clue of how her death came. Not even a name. Facts are what she remembers. Facts, ideals, simple human things. Though, she has emotions.
She thinks. Something that resembles happiness. Her mind manifests a simple brown teddy bear, with little bitty, beady black eyes, a nose, and no mouth. It becomes reality. It sits in front of her on the lack of ground, then falls back.
One of her hands encloses around the toy's arm and pulls it closer. She holds it up in front of her face. It brings her joy. She smiles. It dissipates, until all she is holding is the air itself. She tries with another emotion.
Anger. She feels familiar with it, yet she cannot think of something. She furrows her brows and thinks harder. A simple gray blob, in the shape of herself stands before her. The girl gets up to stand before it. It only holds a shape, no features.
It pushes her. She stumbles and frowns, then rights herself. The thing pushes her again, harder this time. She stammers back, almost loosing her balance. She attempts to push it back, but her hands move right though it, as if she was trying to push air. It shoves her once more, harder than the last two times. She falls, landing on her bottom. She feels her cheeks flush with humility and rage, and then the blob is no more.
Her rage is gone, and she is left with simple content once more. She is compelled to try another emotion. The girl, despite her previous anger, is beginning to enjoy her ability to manifest things into reality.
She tries surprise next. A small, brightly painted box with a handle appears at her feet. She sits and pulls it into her lap. She cocks her head in curiosity. She turns the handle, but it feels wrong. The girl turns it the other way, and music begins to emit from the box. A smile appears on her face, and she keeps turning it.
This thing, she likes it. She wants to see what's inside. Maybe if she keeps turning... The thing inside of it pops out, with a slightly creepy laugh. She jolts back, kicking the box away. She didn't like that any more. The small, puppet-like jester bounces around, a large smile painted onto its face. Then it is gone.
Sadness is what she tries next. A small, beautiful, golden ring appears on one of her fingers. She takes it off and examines it, then throws it a bit. She crawls over, and picks it up, and does it again. She throws it farther and farther, until at one point, she can no longer find the pretty, shiny object. She feels longing to have it back.
She no longer feels sadness. Fear this time? She thought. An eerie feeling ebbed over her, and she looked up. It was a solid black mass, with shadow-like tentacles coming from the center, some reaching for her.
Her heart races, and she leaps to her feet. It comes at her, and she turns and runs away from it. The mass follows after her, and she runs faster. She feels a shadowy tentacle wrap around her ankle, and she trips. She falls, and turns to where she's on her bottom. She feels hopeless and scared. Then it is gone.
The emotion is swept away. The girl wanted to toy with another emotion now. Love. Then her mind began to sculpt. Someone else for her to spend some time with, for her to love and for it to love her back.
It was a solid gray blob in front of her once more, at her height of only about 5. She wants it taller. It is almost 6 feet tall when she is finished. She longs for a boy. The frame molds into a more boyish stance. Broader shoulders, a more toned and muscular body. Her mind continues to create. A strong jaw. Short, black hair. The roots were blonde.
The eyes. She likes those a lot. A ring of jade green, with a smaller ring of honey brown around the pupil. The boy is clad with a black shirt and and grayish-black pants. He smiles and extends a hand to her, which she takes.
He pulls her up, and hugs her close. She hears a strong heart beat in his chest. His arms move from around her shoulders, down to her waist. The girl looks up, then on impulse, gets up on her tiptoes. He leans down and kisses her. Her heart swells and flutters in her chest, and she suddenly decides she likes this emotion a lot.
She doesn't want it to end. They pull away, and she's staring into his eyes. This is about the time that the peach skinned, black haired boy will dissipate and she'll be alone once more. The girl hugs him close, and waits for him to fade in her arms.
Minutes pass. She's still holding him. He pulls away and takes her hand. He sits, pulling her down with him. She lays down, still holding his hand. He gives her a small smile, and for the first time in this world, she hears words. His words, in his low, deep voice. It sounds way too sad for his cheerful expression.
“Wake up.” This confuses her. She's awake, isn't she? His smile is slowly fading, turning into a more pained expression. Sadness. There's a solid, low beep. Over and over again. “Baby, please... God, please wake up...”
Her body is starting to hurt. Her face, her legs, her arms, her everything. His hand tightens up around hers, and she realizes she can't grip his back. She's dead, isn't she? Why can't she make this pain go away.
All of it hits her at once. The accident. The details are blurry, but she knows something happened. The dark haired boy. Her boyfriend. He was in the accident too. He was okay, but she wasn't. ….Oh god. She's dead.
She feels blackness creeping up in her world of white, trying to take her away. She won't let it. She fights it. The world is gray. Then white. Brighter and brighter, the world turning impossibly white. Almost blindingly so.
Her eyes open.
Tears are on his cheeks. His eyes are closed, his face distorted with pain, sadness, and sorrow. “God baby... Please... Just wake up...”
She squeezes his hand, and he looks at her. His eyes are red from crying, but he looks so hopeful now. There's a tube in her mouth, but she does her best to smile.
She realizes everything is okay now. She realizes that her subconscious was trying to help her. She was helping herself to live. The girl herself was ebbing herself on to live, because her mind needed her to. She realizes all of this.
I realize all of this, and it's all okay.